Home→Forums→Tough Times→Getting Divorced, Pregnant to New Boyfriend, Want Abortion
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 12 months ago by
Maria Dillon.
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April 28, 2015 at 5:50 pm #75925
HaveLipsWillSmileParticipantThe title of my posts makes me feel ashamed and a little stupid. I never thought in a million years I would be in this position at the age of 28.
In November last year I separated from my husband with whom I’d been in a relationship with for 10 years. I had been having feelings of wanting to leave for a couple of years prior and finally plucked up the courage to action those feelings.
Then, just under 3 months later I met my current boyfriend who I fell in lust with straight away due to our common interests and many coincidental similarities. Things got quite serious pretty quick. I don’t think that I LOVE, love him and had thought about breaking up with him just last week as I don’t think it’s what I want. He’s very emotional and I find myself having to constantly reassure him in almost every aspect of our relationship.
Then, 2 days ago I found out I was pregnant. It was an absolute and utter shock to me as I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovaries last year and was told it was almost impossible for me to fall pregnant with no medical intervention. This was cemented further when my ex-husband and I tried to fall pregnant last year after rounds and rounds of Clomid and not a single hint that my body was responding to the medication. I truly believe my body knew that I was not meant to have a baby with my ex so it ‘protected’ me from falling pregnant to him.
Anyway, my new boyfriend and I have been having unprotected sex for 3 months now and it’s resulted in pregnancy. I know I want an abortion for a few reasons. 1. I don’t want to have a child with this man. 2. I’m not sure that I ever want to have children. 3. I have only been in this relationship for 3 months. 4. I am quite sure I am going to break up with him.
I feel bad about the whole abortion thing also. I keep wondering that what if, in the future I am ready to try and fall pregnant and can’t. Will I look back on this time and regret the decision to abort this child? I also keep having thoughts about the foetus and I really don’t want to develop an emotional attachment to it, as I think it will make the abortion process so much harder.
I have another appointment with my doctor today who will refer me to the abortion clinic. It’s all very scary and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this because of the judgement people may show for me falling pregnant to a guy I’ve only known for 3 months, while still technically married.April 29, 2015 at 3:02 am #75945
WillParticipantDon’t be too hard on yourself, sister. It’s not your fault you got pregnant, you were acting in line with the medical advice you received, and it turned out to be wrong. Under the circumstances, I think it’s perfectly reasonable and understandable that you want an abortion. It certainly is scary, and I hope the medical staff will be understanding and helpful, and you don’t live in a place where ideologues are going to try to guilt or scare you into having a baby you don’t want.
Maybe at some point in the unknowable future you will want to become pregnant and it won’t work out. I hope that if that future occurs, you can look back at this time and think, “I took the best decision that I could at that time. It was not the right time to have a baby, and you can’t have babies just to put on the shelf in case you want them later. As heartbroken as I am now that I can’t get pregnant, I understand and support the choice my former self made.”
I wish you strength and all good things. This is a shitty thing to have happened to you, and the blame is not on you. If people try to put it on you, you can just be like: no thank you. Good luck.
April 29, 2015 at 7:48 am #75949
Maria DillonParticipantI can’t tell you what is best for you to do, only you can determine that.
What I can tell you, however, is that when I was a scared 19 year old and pregnant from an abusive boyfriend, I scheduled immediately for an abortion. Logically it made sense to do. I was broke, uneducated and saw children as a nuisance, parenthood as a prison.
Emotionally, however, as I thought about it, there began a stirring of uncertainty that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. As the date of the abortion approached, it grew to a shrill crescendo of protest. I had no idea what I was doing but listened and never did show up for that appointment.
I am now 24 with an almost 5 year old, gainfully employed in an enjoyable and well-benefited job, debt-free and most importantly, content. I know I’m living a beautiful life that would never have been possible without the growth, discipline, strength, endurance and wisdom that raising my son alone has given me. Don’t get me wrong, it has been grueling and ugly along the way, but those dark times have worked to slough off the parts that weren’t ever needed. (They also always gave way to times that were much, much better.)
I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s no way for any of us to know what the future can bring, so don’t be intimidated. I know it’s terrifying. I know it doesn’t make sense. But you are a woman. Your inner intuitions are your power, and much wiser than the outwardly imposed idea of “sense” or “logic” that can come from some pretty flawed and judgmental societal expectations.
You’re doing great by asking others their insight and opinions. Keep doing that. Collect everything you can and then, go over what you’ve collected and pick out what rings the most true to you.
Take a moment to discern between your ego, (and other’s ego) and your intuition and listen carefully to the latter. You will be guided and know exactly what to do.
Kind wishes of only the best,
M -
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