Forum Replies Created
July 27, 2015 at 9:05 pm #80620
Thank you so much Anita, and you are so right.
I myself found that I learnt through experience rather than being told, for I resisted quite strongly whenever someone would tell me what to do.
I think it is best for me to show him through my actions, behaviour and the way I care for him. I think more than anything he needs to be nurtured gently as in previous relationships he really had a hard time with being made to feel inadequate and stupid.
I love him and just want him to be happy so I suppose all I can do is be there for him and encourage him.August 23, 2013 at 5:07 pm #41075
Looking forward to hearing about your successes, Kate.
xAugust 23, 2013 at 4:41 am #41031
Agree with Bob. Separate your accounts and allocate a pre-determined amount that fits with your budget for ‘fun & entertainment’. That way you know you definitely can’t dip into your bills money.
Remember though, there are many things you can do with your fiancé that don’t cost a thing but still allows you to spend quality time together. Find a nice bushwalk near you and spend a couple of hours checking out the scenery and looking at the beauty of nature. Or, take a blanket and watch the sun go down at your nearest beach, park or even from your own backyard. Take time to catch your breathe and be conscious of the thoughts you’re having. If you’re aware of a negative pattern re-occurring, learn to just stop. Clear your mind and carry on. Mindful meditation really helped me to clear my mind and feel more at peace. There’s a great Mindfulness app you can download for your iPhone, if you have one.
xAugust 22, 2013 at 10:22 pm #41027
Hopeful, your story made me feel for you. I know what it’s like to feel like you have no one on your side.
A couple of things have helped me with clarity over the last couple of weeks and they are:
1. Be aware of and learn to control your inner-critic. No one is more harsh on you than yourself and once you gain awareness of the inner-critic in your head and learn to simply stop the negativity, you’ll have space in your mind to thinkly clearly and productively.
2. Meditate. It was so helpful for me to download a Mindfulness app which has guided meditations. These guided meditations help you to focus and actually begin the meditation session (as I found starting was the hardest part). I didn’t have much faith in myself to actually be any good at meditation but this app really allowed me to clear my mind and feel a complete peace. Starting at 1 minute, then 3, then 5 is a great way to ease yourself into it and make it a daily part of your life.
I feel if you have the right frame of mind and radiate positivity to the world, good things will come your way.
You can do this, one step at a time.
xAugust 21, 2013 at 5:48 pm #40942
Thanks both, I am just glad I’ve had these realisations now and not many years down the track.
I am still blown away constantly learning new perspectives and ways to see the world. It’s addictive and eye-opening and I’m having a lot of ‘ah-ha’ moments. I’m loving it so far.
Keep you posted!
xAugust 21, 2013 at 5:39 pm #40941
Matt, thank you for your post. You write so beautifully. How did you come to be so clear-minded and expressive in yourself?
From what I understand from all of your replies, it seems there is no sinlge task you can do to discover who you are. Am I right in thinking it is a step-by-step, thought-by-thought process? Please excuse my ignorance but I feel like I am breaking free from a fog of conformity and need to think for myself for the first time! It is a little scary, I must admit, but I trust this journey will carry me to a place of fulfilment and meaning which is exactly what I am trying to achieve.
I am very focused on being ‘open’ and willing to try anything. I think it may be helpful to slow down and not be hurried in making decisions about my journey. I don’t think people should be embarassed by taking a moment to weigh up the options and the subsequent consequences. It seems that we are encouraged to decide now, choose now, act now. But perhaps a moment of quiet reflection will help me make the right choices.
And Matt, you’re right. I love how you’ve said “What happens in my experience is that the actions which bring suffering to our mind and body fade away with time, as the heart becomes more wise”. The concept of our hearts being wise is new to me. Traditionally, you learn that your mind or your brain are to be wise but perhaps they are the driver while your heart is your true compass. Very interesting thought. I am going to need to ponder that a little more.
I have always enjoyed helping other people, the satisfaction you get doing something for someone else is quite unique. I am glad you suggested this Matt, as I may have been inward focusing and had not thought of what I could project on the world. Thank you!
Buddhist Wife, I used to paint canvasses because I really enjoyed the process but afterwards I always had a real sense of dissatisfaction with the final product. It was as if I critiqued my work very harshly and could see every little thing that was wrong with it. I couldn’t handle the disappointment of producing unsatisfactory work anymore so I stopped painting about 3 years ago. I agree that crafts could still be an outlet for me to be creative and resonate with moving away from the mass-produced market as you mention. I suppose it is a matter of trying a few things and seeing what gets my passion back. I am a huge fan of Pinterest and will be creating a new board today with some ideas.
Cooking is actually something that I absolutely love. I love the whole process, from selecting a recipe to going grocery shopping with my shopping list to preparing the ingredients to serving the food to my friends and family. I really believe that a great meal prepared with love can be a really meaningful gift and can show your love and care for certain people. I have recently moved back to my home town after being away for 3 years and have hosted 3 dinner parties so far, all of which have been such a great source of joy for me. Even these small events have seen a lift in my spirits since coming ‘home’. I will cook for anyone, anytime, as long as they come and spend time, have a chat and leave happy.
Yes and I think the TV can still serve a purpose in my life, I’ve been watching different things lately which have opened my eyes to how lucky I really am. While I am worried about finding inner happiness and getting to know myself, there are many people out there without a warm home, nutritious food or loving family members to comfort them. It’s all about perspective. Learning about different cultures and perspectives on life is definitely something I am interested in also.
Wow, very long post but thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Your support has started my journey in a very positive light.
xAugust 20, 2013 at 9:13 pm #40878
I’m 26 now and my mum remarried when I was 10 and probably went about things the wrong way. She had been on welfare and living in governement provided housing most of her life so I understand how my step-dad must have looked like a knight in shining armour with his 6 figure salary and promise of security. My mum became very ‘obediant’ so as to not lose this new-found security and as a result, emotionally stopped supporting or being there for my brother and I. My step-dad had a very different perspective on parenting than my mum (he didn’t have any kids) and he believed we were spoiled and lazy. Unfortunately for us, this was all we had ever known and it wasn’t our fault my mum had brought us up this way to date. He blamed us for the laziness and demanded a lot from us even as young kids. Whilst his abuse wasn’t physical (most of the time), it’s very distressing as a child to believe you have literally no one on your side.
If I could give any parent advice on starting a blended or step-family it would be this: Never forget that you are responsible for the emotional wellbeing of your child. They don’t have anyone else to rely on. Your partner is an adult and while they still deserve your support, it should be your priority to put your child/ren first, 100% of the time.
KAugust 20, 2013 at 7:02 pm #40868
KAugust 20, 2013 at 6:54 pm #40867
Barbara – thanks for such a great post.
This is exactly why I’ve joined this community, to discover new ideas and ways of looking at the world. In a time where ‘first-world-problems’ are increasingly sucking the life out of life, I found it like a little light bulb going off to look at things from your perspective.
I am pretty lucky and now I just have to see it that way!
KAugust 20, 2013 at 6:17 pm #40863
I am just starting my journey of self-discovery and it’s very important to me to find my purpose or at least find what it is I need to be doing to feel fulfilled. Right now, my first step is to be open to any possibility and learn as much as I can from you kind people.