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Getting over a break up

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Matt 6 years, 9 months ago.

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  • #37781

    Fe Martin
    Participant

    I just broke up with my boyfriend last 2 days ago. We were together for 2 years and it had ended just like that. We kinda had a lot of petty arguments lately and due to our personality differences, it’s hard to handle. He thought that we could not go on anymore because of the fights and now he is ignoring me. He is the sensitive type, over-thinker and very impulsive. He always thought that breaking up is the only solution to end fights. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, I just feel lost. It disappoints me that all the things that we shared, promised, dreamed of diminished just like that as he was always there for me whenever I have a bad times. I don’t come from a perfect family, I’m the only child. My dad just got out of jail due to drugs and my mom is dating someone’s husband. He was someone that I feel like i could rely on and now that he’s gone, I’m frustrated.

    It would be nice if you guys can give me advice and share your experience of getting over a break up. 🙂

    #37783

    Peter
    Participant

    Time is the only true healer. You’ll cry, you’ll hurt, you’ll get frustrated, you’ll get angry, you’ll feel alone, and everything in between until such a time as you can find acceptance in the end of the relationship and recognize the impermanence of all relationships.

    From the sounds of it, you were dependent on your boyfriend; he was your “Knight in shining armor” that was going to save you from your family situation. There’s only one person that you can rely in the world and that is yourself. The moment that you feel like you need someone to “take you away from all this”, it marks the beginning of the end. That’s not to say you can’t love someone, look to someone for support, friendship, affection, and love, but the moment you feel like you’re relying on them could mean that you yourself have not found the ground and stability on which to build a healthy relationship.

    Use this time wisely. Find a way of ensuring that your family’s issues or problems do not become yours – be supportive and present, but not entangled in the drama. Reconnect with yourself and build your foundation. If you were to be alone for the rest of your life, what would you need to survive?

    Only when you yourself are strong, confident, and stable, will you then attract strong, confident, and stable partners.

    #37812

    Emily
    Participant

    Dear ‘Fe Martin’

    i have read your note, and i hope this will help.
    a breakup is a awful thing to have to go through.
    and i believe so many people forget themselves when they break up with someone. and i am asking you, have you forgotten yourself?
    Do you have a job you enjoy? good people in your life who make you laugh lots and they stand by you and support you? do you do hobbies and things you enjoy?
    i think a little crying is good, it lets it all out. and i think you should do a list of everything you want to do for yourself.
    things you want to do or change. and this helps,
    it will help keep you positive, keep you busy and allow you to learn to look after yourself.
    in time you can look at this breakup and learn the problems which were in it, so that you know what you can learn from it to improve in a new relationship when the time is right, it also means you can look at yourself and what you truly need and want.
    always look at what you can learn, and in time you can look at the relationship and think of all the good, and keep those good memories and there is not any harm in keeping good memories as long as you don’t dwell to much on them.
    right now think about yourself.
    good food, good friends good laughs, allow yourself to heal, learn and think about your own needs.
    Your parents arent you, and i know people say you are like your parents and so on,
    and it may seem harsh but they have made there bed they can lay in it.
    you don’t have to be your parents, you can look at them and learn from them and be a better stronger person, allow those mistakes they have made, allow them to help you become the better person you want to be.
    allow love in your life, and this begins by loving yourself.
    i hope this helps, let me know how it goes, always here if you need a friend

    Em

    #37865

    ritu
    Participant

    Hi,

    It is always shattering when a relationship one invests so much into ends abruptly. No doubt you must be going through a really tough time. As others have opined , time is the best healer and howmuchever difficult it may sound right now, know that you will get over it.

    SO FIRST AND FORMOST ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE ENORMOUSLY HURT AND THIS IS VERY NATURAL….BUT YOU WILL SURELY GET OVER IT.Have that assurance.

    Next big question is when? This will vary from person to person, but professional help from a cousellor and sharing your feelings with friends and well wishers can expedite the process. If you will try to deal with it alone, you may take much longer. So the idea of sharing it on a forum like this is a brilliant idea. Keep us posted on how you are progressing, what thoughts you are going through and we all will be there to support you, listen to you.

    SO SECOND, DON’T DEAL WITH A TOUGH SITUATION ALONE…HAVE PEOPLE YOU SHARE YOUR JOURNEY WITH IN ANY TOUGH TIME. IT HELPS ENORMOUSLY.
    SO SHARE SHARE AND SHARE….

    In the meanwhile pamper yourself….do whatever you like to do…may it be watching a movie…or going for a walk…or …just anything. Have a routine….and stick to it like a robot…even if you don’t feel like. …Get up at x hrs….going to work at y hrs e.tc. In hours of crisis like this to live by a routine also gives a sense of direction and purpose.

    SO THIRD…PAMPER YOURSELF AND ENSURE THAT YOU DONT IGNORE THE ROUTINE YOU MAKE FOR YOURSELF.

    Take Care,

    much love…..ritu

    #38042

    Fe Martin
    Participant

    Does he ever love me that he leaves me this way? I was fine for a few days until he texted me and tells me useless things just to hurt me. He told me that his mother doesn’t like me at all and stuffs. I wonder what i have done that make him treat me like this. It’s like he is the one who leaves me but he is acting like he’s the one who’s really hurt.

    Thank you for the good words and advice. I’ll try to move on and focus on myself. Thank you guys

    #38067

    Jade
    Participant

    What he’s doing is very hurtful! But don’t fall into the trap of thinking “what could I do better to make him change?” You can’t change another person’s feelings and actions, only your own. Be better to yourself! Do the things you love and have fun with family and friends who are close to you. The last time I went through a painful breakup, I decided the best thing to do was pamper and take care of myself, so I took a one week vacation with my best friend to Mexico!

    #38070

    Matt
    Participant

    Fe,

    You ask a great question! How could he text me hurtful things? Did he ever love me?

    I don’t know his heart, so part of that is something I cannot speak on. However, it reminds me of my child who tells me all of the reasons why she didn’t want that toy I told her she could not have. It is only a guess, but it sounds like he is unskillfully grieving, and those texts are his way of generating distance between the you in his memory and the you that is there. “I never really wanted that Dora toy anyway, I hate Dora.”

    With warmth,
    Matt

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