So this is my second post and I feel a second major thing that I am dealing with in my life right now.  I have been trying to meditate past it. I have talked to so many people but nothing helps. Some days I am calm, but then other days I stress over it to no end. I understand that this post is very secretive so not a full truth.

I feel like a lot has went badly for me over the past two years. One thing in particular, I am not even allowed to discuss in detail, for various reasons.I live with the burden that I must hold it in and carry with me on a constant basis.  I simply can not tell anyone about what I have done and it is eating away at me slowly.

I try not to feel hate, but there is one person in my life that I truly hate. I can not stop hating him/her. I met him/her in 2017 only one time. This person has been my parasite and bully ever since. This person has latched onto me and I can not get rid of him/her no matter what. I regret meeting this person.

As a result of attaching himself/herself to me I watched someone get away with terrible things that feel more like fiction than real life.  It is real, and the damage and pain they bring to others who fall into his/her path varies in intensity. This person has destroyed lives. I only know about the wrong doings of this person because they have attacked me and continue to attack me and I am constantly forced to focus on them and uncover their dark truths to defend myself. Other victims of this person have found me.  This person has also altered my life in a very bad way.

When this person originally decided to fixate on me I was so stressed out that I lost weight, sleep, time, and ability to carry out day to day tasks. Eventually I learned to live with the parasitic person. It is a part of my life now. He/She is always there even though not there. He/She has someone else do their bidding to me. I am never mentally at peace, and feel like it will never end. Sometimes I revert back to my initial feelings of not eating etc.  I have tried therapy but it doesn’t seem to make me feel any better or give any clarity to the situation.

The situation makes no sense. The person bullying me is ridiculous and beyond reason. I am not sure they are mentally well. This person can not be reasoned with because they are not grounded in reality. I am the fixation of their delusion, paranoia and the embodiment of their fears that all truths will eventually be revealed to the public. This person has gone through extreme nonsense to silence me.

I sat in patience since 2017 and watched this person away with terrible things and no one seems to care or do anything at all. I went through great lengths to bring the bad actions of this person to the light after they targeted me. For a while it seemed like this person would be stopped. But then only about a month ago I got correspondence from the proper depts, etc that no one would do anything.

This person is getting away with everything which includes tricking and physically hurting others. The way they hurt others seems to be in the gap of something you would report to the cops-vs an agency. So no one does anything.

Finally, convinced that justice would never be served I did something that I regret in such a stupid and impulsive way that I can now never take  back. It was impulsive and stupid because I have been stressed out for two years. The correspondence of those letters made me just simply not care anymore in the moment.  If i had thought it out I would have been able to take it back and I would have some peace. There is absolutely no way for me to take back what I have done.  In my mind I have magnified  what I have done and fear that I will somehow get caught. I have made the bad situation I was in worse for myself. At least secretly and mentally.

I have tried everything to take back the one thing that I have done.  I can’t tell anyone what I did out of fear of being discovered. As this person has chosen to bully me through a frivolous lawsuit in the legal system. I feel like every action I do is under a magnifying glass that might one day be discovered. For this reason I am also emotionally not at rest and live in fear of even speaking about it or doing anything that any normal person would do being given in this situation. Even if i complain to the authorities it is used again me. I was a threat and this is how this person silenced me.

What i did was fully with good intentions for others. What I did was done in truth and wanting justice. I did not do anything wrong initially. Now what I have done might have been a little wrong. If found out my bully will use it against me only to hurt me further.

I wake up in a panic that the small thing that I did will be discovered. Writing this here might even be stupid but nothing else has really given me peace.

I don’t even know why I feel so guilty if i’m honest about this. This person is so bad. It is apparent that they do not feel guilt or remorse in anything they do. This person sees themselves as the victim. This person lies and does things that actually physically hurt others. Why do I feel so guilty for wanting the truth to be out there.

I am also writing this because it feels like the best confession I can get.

How do I live with this?