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going crazy after break-up

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  • #64815
    lexiis
    Participant

    Hello,

    My boyfriend of only a year and a half and I recently split. Though our relationship was tumultuous and I knew I wanted to leave before everything happened, I still feel it really hard to get rid of the lingering anger and paranoid thoughts. I discovered he was texting a certain girl who I was not comfortable with him talking to as I noticed months ago that he had deleted facebook messages from her (already a red flag). He was talking about what he was doing on the weekend.. of my birthday no doubt.. with no mention of me. That threw me through a loop and I decided to pack up my things and set off to my parents house. He denied that it was anything but innocent, yet I wasn’t “worthy” of having the argument with and didn’t want to be with me anymore. Haha, I was already leaving. It has been a week and I was just starting to feel really good about leaving, and the break-up. I had blocked him from most social media sites except for Snapchat, a site in which you send pictures to other people where you can only view the pictures for a few seconds before it deletes. There is a thing where you can see who someones “best friends” are. The people who they send pictures to the most. I saw his “best friend” was a girl who he had been seeing right before we were in a relationship. Which made me question how long that had been going on. Now I am haven’t all of these thoughts about every other suspicious thing that has happened in our relationship, and I want to freak out because I now think he was cheating on me the whole time. I know that it’s best to just cut contact and not bring it up but something inside of me is demanding answers to all of the unsolved mysteries that are only coming to rise AFTER the break-up. It’s making it hard to move on. I would so love to hear your opinions on the situation, it would help a lot.

    Thank you.

    #64816
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lexiis,

    This is my gut feeling after reading your post: I don’t think he was cheating ~ I do think he liked having an admirer/groupie. A fan club. An option. An ego boost. Yes, it is very possible he likes the girl and that he was playing you both. But only in his mind. Know what I mean?

    Anyway, let him “have” her. She “won”. But only because you dropped out of the game once you found out there was one. So what will happen is he will chase you and/or then will go to her, but she will dump him once she sees no one else is having him.

    So dump him because the overall thing was tumultuous. The texting/FB/SnapChat fan-girl chalk up to a mental eyeroll provoker.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    #64828
    Sam
    Participant

    I too dated a guy (for 4-1/2 years) that liked having admirers. He would constantly flirt with girls or wouldn’t cut off contact with people I wasn’t okay with (like the girl that would call him at 3am or send him dirty song lyrics). I never thought he was cheating but it was still extremely disrespectful and I don’t think I fully realized that until a few months after our breakup.

    My advice to you, as someone who ended a relationship only 2 months ago, is cut off contact completely. Delete him from snapchat. You’re only torturing yourself by still having him on there. I still have questions of my ex (different one than above) but I’m slowly learning that I have to move on. I’m not going to get those answers even though I deserve them. You deserve someone who isn’t going to make you have doubts on whether or not they are cheating. I think it’s normal post relationship to stress about all those things (was he cheating, does he have a new g/f, etc – I do it too!) so be easy on yourself.

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