My husband and I have been separated for 13 months.  I thought we were trying to reconcile, but I realized a little while ago it was really only me.  He hasn’t been putting in the work, so I finally asked him to make a decision.  He told me we aren’t on the same page, but was scared to close the door.  It was a good conversation, long overdue, but in the days following I felt the pain all over again, just as fresh as it was when he left me on Mother’s Day last year (he had been having an affair – which has been over for a while now).  Anyway, I won’t get into any more details, but wanted to give a bit of background.  Over the past year, I have included him in all of the celebrations of course.  I even bought all of the Christmas gifts for the kids as I always have, and he paid me half for them.  This was all while I was attempting to put the family back together.

We are now watching our eldest child (daughter) graduate from high school.  I will be hosting a party for her next week, and her grad is 2 days later.  I have had a graduation gift for her since March, because I know it was something she really wanted to have and I saved and bought it as soon as I could.  Her dad hasn’t mentioned whether he got her something or not, but I doubt it as it was always me buying the gifts and if he had he probably would have mentioned it.  I don’t know whether to ask him if he bought something for her or not.  I don’t want to be in the awkward “how about we go halfers?” conversation, because I put a lot of thought and money into the gift, and feel like giving him half the credit would make me resentful.  We are in a fairly good place right now, although my feelings are a little fragile and I don’t want to find a reason to be angry, because I just came back from the edge after residing there in the few weeks following our last relationship conversation.  I’m finally wanting to move forward, but I also don’t want to appear petty about the grad gift.  I also worry that if I don’t say anything, he might not think to get her something, and she will be very hurt. My children have had enough pain this year (separation because of infidelity – small town gossip, death of beloved grandmother, I’ve had 2 surgeries, my sadness they’ve had to witness, although I finally feel I’m creeping out of it – it’s been a rough year).  So what should I do?  Mention it to him?  Leave him alone to figure it out and potentially hurt my daughter?  He wouldn’t purposely neglect to get her something, I just think he might not think of it.  He will be mortified when he realizes he should have gotten her something (at least I think so).  I know it wouldn’t be me hurting her but by not telling him to do something it could be the result.  But, at what point do I stop “parenting” him and leave him to figure things out on his own?