Thinking about you, Robi, wondering how you are doing..?

anita

Dear Robi:

Thank you for your message! It’s always lovely to read from you, even if it’s been a little while. It’s inspiring that you’re aiming to shift from just surviving to creating!

It’s also good to read that you’re taking the time to reflect on your relationship and see the challenges as opportunities for growth together. It takes strength and self-awareness to approach things that way.

Thank you for asking about me. This year has been fine, one day at a time. Many days where too cold for me, fingers and nose freezing, but I’m grateful for moments of connection— like this one— and for the opportunity to keep learning and growing in my own way.

When I saw that you posted today, I went on a walk on memory lane. Here’s the 🚶-

Dec 7, 2018: “I’m a 25 years old guy living in Europe.

March 4, 2019: “Hey guys Pretty much every day I wanted to write here, but I always ended up doing something else. Don´t know why. I noticed this applies to pretty much everything in my life.. Except procrastinating.. I could be a world champion.

Dec 2, 2019: I am still here in Spain.. after looking for lots of jobs in February and March, I only managed to get a couple of hours a week, teaching English in a language academy.

Oct 2, 2022: So, now I live in Poland. I work online… after some thinking I believe I’m struggling with some sort of ADD… I’ve started a new chapter and I’m both excited and overwhelmed.

Jan 29, 2023: It’s been 6 months since I left Spain and came here to both start a new chapter and live with this woman. It felt right for me to step out of that life and try something new so I came to Poland… There are 2 things that seem to keep me busy thinking over and over. 1) Do I want to be with this woman? 2) Should we go somewhere else?

Feb 18, 2024: Most of my childhood I’ve lived in a guest room which served also as a storage room for my parent’s stuff. The door was made of glass, so I’ve had no privacy… During summer holidays we would go to our lake house. We would spend months in total there. I hated it. I kept telling my parents I didn’t want to be there but the answer was always the same… I felt alone and caged.

March 12, 2024: I’m experiencing a lot of impostor syndrome and insecurities which such up a lot of my energy so I often end up being emotionally tired… I keep feeling like I’m impersonating someone who knows what he’s doing. I guess I should be good at that – I’ve been doing it all my life in many ways and circumstances.

Dec 16, 2024: I’m now in my favourite cafe, with my computer and my girlfriend. I’m doing some of that online job while my girlfriend is organising her schedule.

March 14, 2025: currently doing some work on my computer, at my fav café… haven’t had much energy for anything else than surviving – I’ve been in survival mode so to speak. ( perhaps for the past 32 years but these last months more than ever).

Reflecting on what you shared today about being in “survival mode” and your desire to move from surviving to creating, I see a deep connection to your experiences growing up.

As a child, you lived in environments where you had little to no control— whether it was staying in a storage room with no privacy, waiting for hours at your parents’ workplace, or being forced to spend summers at the lake house you disliked. Your voice and needs often went unheard, which likely left you feeling powerless. Over time, this conditioned you to focus on enduring your circumstances rather than shaping them— a survival mindset.

For you, the storage room and summers at the lake house were consistent, stable aspects of your childhood, but they were forms of negative stability: environments that stayed the same but felt stifling, neglectful, and emotionally painful, leaving you “feeling alone and caged”.

Over time, this kind of negative stability created an unconscious association between “staying in one place” and feeling trapped, unheard, or powerless. As an adult, this could lead to discomfort with stability, even in healthy forms, because it unconsciously triggers those same feelings of being “caged.” In seeking change or new environments, you may be trying to escape those associations.

On the surface, moving to a new place or starting a new chapter may feel like an opportunity to leave old frustrations behind. However, without adequately addressing the underlying emotional wounds from childhood, each new setting or situation eventually starts to feel just as confining or unsatisfying as the last. The act of leaving or starting over might bring temporary relief, but because it doesn’t adequately address the deeper issues, the dissatisfaction resurfaces. This can make it harder for you to break free from the feeling of “surviving” rather than “creating”.

Your habitual procrastination may reflect an underlying discomfort with stability, leading you to resist the structured routines or responsibilities that stability requires. Procrastination serves as a way to avoid committing to stability. It serves as a coping mechanism, offering temporary relief from the perceived threat of stability

I truly admire your reflection, Robi, and the strength it takes to look inward and share these experiences so openly. The journey from surviving to creating is no small feat, but your insight and self-awareness already show just how capable you are. If any of this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I’m always here to explore these ideas with you or simply listen. You don’t have to walk this path alone 🙂

anita