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Guidance in dating

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  anita 6 months ago.

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  • #192141

    Miss Healing
    Participant

    Hey guys! So, first of all I feel really awkward about what I'm going to write…

    It's been YEARS since I have dated someone I really like, I have had some dates but not with people I'm really interested in…I guess I just wanna tried to meet new people.

    BUT! A few weeks I met this guy, and the time we met was so much fun! Besides, I was attracted to him instantly because he is the type of man I like…baby face with beard (I know, but I do love that) And also, he was attracted to me! At the end of the night he told me he really want to see me again, so he asked me for my phone number and since that we've been talking 24/7 all day long. While I was getting to know him I just like him more and more…his sense of humor, same musical taste, his vision about life..I can't remember the last time I felt this way, the shivers when you get a text from him.

    Anyway, he invited me today to a first date but in the moment he told me that he was not going to be able to get rid off his boss…normally I would say…It's OK sometimes things happen!! The thing is…I heard his best friend was kinda into me to…I'm concerned about that! What if he does not want to date me anymore because of that…??

    I REALLY want to hang out with him and see the chances to date…Should I be clear with him about this? I consider myself as a strong independent woman, I know I can handle it. But…Am I going to sound to needy? Or should I be clear?

    I know in this forum are more complicated issues, but I really feel connected with you guys!

    #192177

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Miss Healing,

    I would wait until he can be totally free, whether it's from his boss or his best friend.

    You said YES. He said YES. If his best friend says YES and you say NO, your NO trumps the best friend's YES. If your new guy says NO to your YES because of his best friend's YES (even though you said NO to the best friend) then he is not the guy for you anyway.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    #192189

    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Miss Healing,

    I did not quite understand the sentence about his boss, did that mean, his boss was going out on a date with the two of you? Sorry for any confusion. Also, if he really likes you, I am wondering why he didn't just mention to his friend, that (especially his best friend) that he feels awkward that his friend would mention to him that he is into you. Be should have set boundaries, saying that he really liked you, and would appreciate if his friend not bring you up in conversations anymore. Also, if he wants to date you, and really likes you, why would he mention his boss? He does not sound very assertive, or has a clear sense of boudaries, or perhaps he is a people pleaser. It sounds like a lot of drama to me so early in the relationship, which is a red flag. I would come right out and ask him, that you feel it put you in an awkward situation about him telling you his friend liked you, and what where does he see himself with you? Does he see you as just friends? Exclusive? His behaviour is confusing and he is sending alot of mixed signals. I would test the waters slowly with this man, especially knowing you like him alot, make sure if his intentions to you. Tell him your feelings. That you prefer your dates where you two are alone together. You are setting boundaries in dating, not being needy. Now, he needs to set boundaries with his boss and friend. If he can't do this, and keeps up with drama and mixed signals, he is not ready for a relationship. x

     

    • This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Eliana.
    #192211

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Miss Healing:

    I would share with him what you feel and think. You wrote that you don't want to “sound too needy”- it is possible to share feelings, even needy feelings in a way that doesn't sound needy. You can use a confident tone of voice, not a whiny one, for example. You can state your sentences not with a …question mark at the end.

    There is nothing weak about feeling needy, everyone is needy. As long as you don't give him the responsibility to make you feel better, as long as you take responsibility to how you feel, it is okay to express yourself, I believe.

    anita

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