Healing, growth & the present moment

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This topic has 15 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Poppyxo.

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January 20, 2017 at 2:40 am #125769

Poppyxo
Participant

Hello,
You may or may not know my story, but I am currently going through healing, growth and trying to live in the present moment.

I am healing from old patterns I have carried for nearly 10 years, this includes lack of self love, low self esteem, fear or being alone, not being my authentic self, fear of not fitting in, not being able to communicate properly without fear of rejection.

A lot of this has left me feeling like I will never be able to trust or love again (which I know I will). I have read about 10 books on this kind of stuff, I constantly seek out articles online and I do currently see a counsellor. I know and have all the knowledge, my worry is (which I know I shouldn’t worry as I cannot control the future) that when I decide to move forward with whoever, all of this I have learnt doesn’t get put into practice. Is it right to say that what have learnt will/should come naturally to provide me with better relationships?
Does anyone have anymore tips on knowing you’ve reached your destination of being healed (as such)? I know self discovery and development is a life long journey and there never really is an end, but will I just feel at peace and calm with a better sense of confidence?

I started meditiation months ago, I go to Yoga and meditation talks/groups when they are available in my area, my career is currently studying to be a counsellor so everything fits nicely together, inside and out, despite any road blocks I may have experienced.

If anyone has any articles, tips or anything similar I could benefit from I would be much appreciative.

January 20, 2017 at 5:09 am #125771

Inky
Participant

Hi Poppy,

I think the main mindset you should have is this: “I’m already powerful and complete, and this is just an occasional flux.”

I know no one’s “complete”, but I mean Cosmically Complete. You can substitute, “Perfect”, “Whole”, “Divinely Led” or whatever makes you the most comfortable.

When you go to 100 courses, read 100 books, do 100 exercises, etc. you are sending yourself the shadow message that you are not good enough, that there is something wrong with you.

You should be content with yourself if you stop doing, reading, etc. And happy DESPITE all the things left undone!

Blessings,

Inky

January 20, 2017 at 5:43 am #125774

Poppyxo
Participant

I’m not obsessively or unhealthily reading books dong courses etc, I am doing it in a healthy way as I always find something new and it is something I enjoy hence why my career is taking me in that direction, but I think what you said about “I’m already powerful and complete, and this is just an occasional flux.” is something I need to remember – would just hate to waste another 10 years in relationships that get me nowhere – however I wouldn’t change those relationships or those experiences, but I guess I am being silly worrying about the future.

January 20, 2017 at 6:27 am #125778

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Poppy:

You wrote: “I know and have all the knowledge, my worry is (which I know I shouldn’t worry as I cannot control the future)..”- you have the knowledge that worrying is ineffective, but you still worry, correct…?

“…Is it right to say that what have learnt will/should come naturally to provide me with better relationships?”
– back to the worrying example: you have the knowledge that worrying is ineffective, that we can’t control the future. But if you have the mental habit of worrying, the worrying-neuropathways established in your brain, you will continue to worry.

The knowing that worrying is ineffective is a small, simple neuropathway, similar to learning the following: “a water molecule is made of two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen”- but the worrying-neuropathways are multiple and connected to many others. So the small, simple, new pathways of learning from articles and books, these do not undo the complex multiple pathways established in childhood, over many years.

For new thinking, feeling and behavior to be established so they “come naturally” for you- it takes a continuation of the Healing Process that you already started. It takes time, continuous work, incredible patience with the process and gentleness with yourself as your brain is literally rewired.

anita

January 20, 2017 at 7:25 am #125783

Poppyxo
Participant

Hi again Anita 🙂

So basically, I’m halfway there by knowing I’m worrying, I just need to stop/lessen the worrying. I will up my meditation 🙂

January 20, 2017 at 7:50 am #125787

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Poppy:

You are making progress, and there is more to be made, more and more. Got to be patient and accept that it is a long term prospect. The more patient you are, the faster you will move. But can’t rush it.

anita

January 21, 2017 at 5:56 am #125848

VJ
Participant

Dear Poppy,

Your questions may be answered with the excerpts from some of Eckhart Tolle’s writings.

“my worry is (which I know I shouldn’t worry as I cannot control the future) that when I decide to move forward with whoever, all of this I have learnt doesn’t get put into practice. Is it right to say that what have learnt will/should come naturally to provide me with better relationships?”

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

———–

“Does anyone have anymore tips on knowing you’ve reached your destination of being healed (as such)?”
This can be best understood by the last two lines of “The Power Of Now”-

How will I know when I have surrendered?
When you no longer need to ask the question.

Take care,
VJ

January 21, 2017 at 6:34 am #125849

Poppyxo
Participant

Thanks Anita.

And thanks VJ – I have actually read the power of now.. may go over it again as when I read it I was in a different place of healing.
As my healing journey goes on I do feel like questions I would’ve asked months ago are now answered, so that makes total sense. If anyone came to me worrying about the future, in so many words, I’d tell them to stop being so silly as you can create the future but you can’t predict it. I think it all comes back to self love & learning to trust myself that I will make the best decisions for me & if I don’t I accept them & learn from them. I do feel going forward I will be more aware, I just need to heal the people pleaser/fixer in me so I put myself first instead of others.

Thanks again

January 21, 2017 at 9:11 am #125861

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Poppy:

You are welcome. “To heal the people pleaser/fixer in (you) so” to put yourself first instead of others, find opportunities in your day to day life (and no opportunity is too small; every opportunity is significant!) to practice doing just that, in a practical way. For example, saying this to a person, or not doing that… be aware of your automatic tendency, your mental and physical habit of operating, and then choose a different way.

Practice this in your daily life and you will build the new habit of putting yourself first.

anita

January 23, 2017 at 1:34 am #125947

Poppyxo
Participant

Hi Anita,
That seems like a good idea – however, I struggle too assert myself in a ‘good tone’. I’m usually too abrupt, so I go the opposite way.. then I end up saying sorry and doing whatever is required anyway.
Any tips on that area?
I think I should start paying you for your help 🙂

January 23, 2017 at 4:35 am #125955

Poppyxo
Participant

To add to this – I have just read an article on here and here is a bit from it

“Do you think it’s any surprise the family you were born into? Think about it. Considering the amount of time we spend with our families growing up, it comes as no surprise that certain family members seriously push our buttons.

Why do they push our buttons? To help us discover what we’re meant to work through in this lifetime. Simply put, to help us grow. They are our teachers to help us wake up to parts of ourselves that need attention, understanding, and in some cases healing.

When rubbed the wrong way, the idea is to be able to take a closer look at ourselves and grow. What are these button pushers trying to teach us? Why do we react the way we do? What pain point are they touching? Are we willing to admit this and address it? Are we willing to not take it all so personally?”

As previously discussed about my Mum, I realise I can snap at her, I know I do this because if someone else said it to me I would respond ‘normally’. How can I better understand that I think (and sometimes with her tone she is) speaking negatively towards me, which triggers this response in me? Being aware of it I guess is the first step, but what is this trying to teach me, do you think?

January 23, 2017 at 9:41 am #125976

Celestial Bliss
Participant

Hi Poppy, I have read all your posts. Congratulations on how far you come. And for making the time to work towards your higher good. I can relate from personal experience to what you are saying. I think “Mindfulness” will very greatly help you with all of your concerns. It will also be very beneficial for you to have studied this going into a career of counselling. There are many courses regarding this that you can do. Just make sure its an accredited and certified course if you choose to do one.

I wish you all the best in your journey

Natalie

January 23, 2017 at 10:24 am #125980

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Poppy:

You wrote above: “I struggle too assert myself in a ‘good tone’. I’m usually too abrupt, so I go the opposite way.. then I end up saying sorry and doing whatever is required anyway.
Any tips on that area?”- asserting yourself with your mother while living with her is not likely to work. It doesn’t matter how hard you try or what tone you use.

With others, assert yourself effectively- it is a good skill that will serve you well.

You asked: “what is this trying to teach me, do you think?” I don’t think she is trying to teach you anything. I think she is just being herself.

anita

January 23, 2017 at 1:48 pm #126001

Poppyxo
Participant

Thank you Natalie, your kind words mean a lot as sometimes I’m unsure if I’m moving forward as this process isn’t a checklist tick box you can follow. I have enrolled into a Mindfulness & Life Coaching Diploma, which I’m looking forward too. Thanks again

Thanks Anita – this gives me less than I already have to think about & I think your right, she is a ‘dead end’ as such & I will continue to ‘ignore’ her negativity.
I had a situation in which I become immensely aware last night by which I was cooking spaghetti last night at 830pm for my lunch today & she came out & said “you can’t possibly be cooking at this time of night??” I very lightly & quietly laughed, she went into another room. Then when I had finished she called me by the name of a famous cook (?? Can’t remember who) so I said “who’s that?” She said “a good cook”, I said “oh not sure on the good though”.. she laughed & we went into separate rooms. So I think my non-involvement into her earlier enquiry, made her maybe rethink her thoughts to humour after?

January 23, 2017 at 7:19 pm #126012

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Poppy:

She called you by the name of a famous cook… like the comment she made when you met the guy who brought you flowers, about you practicing what you preach and later, another comment- she doesn’t communicate, all she does is fire a weapon. The bullets are those sharp, offensive, insulting comments.

I don’t think you can change her MO by your non-involvement or by anything you say or do or not say or do. Minimize interactions with her, for your own well being, not for the purpose of changing her. Have no hope for the latter. Such hope will hinder the “healing, growth” you are after.

anita
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