Last night he called me and we were talking on the phone on what we could do and move forward from this. He said he felt that he was in the middle. One one end he wants to end things and the other end he wants to stay together and fix things.

We’ve had fights before and we worked through it together so it hurt me when he said he was in the middle this time and that he needed time to think. I just don’t know what to do and I can’t stop crying bc I don’t want to give up and I made sure he knew that but it seems like he could be slipping away. The day we fought, earlier he told he he loved me so much and that he misses me. Now he’s in the middle of making a decision that can either let us be together or not. Help me please. What do I do 🙁

I agree with everything you say. The reason why we fought primarily was because we haven’t had proper communication between us which made me feel that we were becoming distant. Things were so different when we first started dating and now it seems like we cannot even share a conversation or talk. I just miss how we used to be, how things were between us.

I shared all of this with him prior to our big fight, in a calm manner and I wasn’t upset or sad or blaming him and he responded to me reassuring we will figure it out together and that we can make it work. But then after our fight happened, he finally tells me that he is anxious with me and thinks he cannot do enough for us.

Obviously I cannot fix his anxiety (he had childhood trauma as well as me) but he seems to have anxiety with me only.

How can I address the problems I have without making him feel that way? How can he heal from that anxiety he claims he has with me?

Thank you for responding quickly. It really means a lot to me.

About the communication part, I have tried to tell him in such a peaceful calm tone and manner and I always want to talk – not fight. But he believes otherwise I am always on edge with him when I don’t see it as that and I don’t do that.

I guess I’m just blown by the fact that my boyfriend has anxiety with me and I have to come to terms with that. But he said he was stuck in the middle of making a decision. On one end is us ending, and the other is giving it a chance and working through it together.

Do you think it’s a bad sign that he’s stuck in the middle? All our past fights and disagreements, we decided to stick things through and work through it together but this time, it’s completely different and that’s what I’m afraid of, that I’ll lose him.

Thank you, I’m willing to try and make things right between us.

One thing to ask though, this was all done through a phone and we haven’t seen each other in 2.5 months. Do you think I should reach out to him and meet in person to discuss? Or should I let him be for now and give him that time as he requested and let him come to me after on what he decides?

I don’t want to stress him or worry him but I can’t sense his feelings and vice versa through a phone.

After talking to a friend about it, they had told me a decision like this would be best in person, so should I gently ask him to see f we can meet in person? or just let him be and have him come to me (over the phone)?

Ahh yes you are right about the meet up. And yes we didn’t see each other due to the pandemic.

But here is an update on what he mentioned to me today via Instagram on his own:

He updated me saying everything was good and that today he was feeling good today because he was working on a business project with his friends and he said that hopefully if things keep heading in this direction, he would be in the right mind for us to be truly happy again. He said it would be like a reset after all the bad crap ends and life starts looking nice.

What does he mean saying if life would be better, things with us will be?

Another question I have is that his birthday is this weekend. Would it ruin things if I see him and give him his present? Or should I wait it out until he’s ready and then give it to him.

He knew I got him a gift for his birthday and he said it would be unfair if we met on Friday and we talk about us and he accepts my gift. I asked him why he thought it would be unfair bc he hasn’t made a decision yet, and he said I’m not sure what I’m going to say but it’s just not fair to you and you don’t deserve that.

I also asked him why he feels so unsure about us even though he said he loved me very much. He said he wasn’t questioning his feelings but his thoughts. He said he could not think properly and that is why he’s stuck. I was still confused but I felt that I would nag him if I kept asking so I just left it at that.

I don’t care about the space, really I’m more than happy to respect it. I’m feeling rather upset because he said he loves me very much but was unsure about us moving forward and that his decision was 50-50. Is that a red flag for him to doubt us after almost 2 years?