You already in a relationship and in love with ex… first why you come in new relationship until late you didn’t forget your ex ,, I mean why in new relationship for just it that a relationship is need… but you should first give time to yourself ….. first you must think why you broke up and conclud yours last relationship,  find there was love or there was any thing which are stopping you moving on . Is there love in last relationship then why you broke up and if you find your last bf didn’t exist in your life…. then take a deep breath and forget it start moving with your new bf and start loving yourself first…. and I must say to people love can’t be beg… so if you love him but still can’t deserve exist in your life kick him and move on…. find someone who can love you,  respect you , support you :then you obviously start loving that guy!!! I hope you find better solution… reply me if anything else to discuss… being happy , being yourself,  and be smile ??!!

Dear Jenny Lynn:

In honor of your birthday, five days from today, I started working on your thread yesterday, re-reading, studying it so to create something meaningful for you. I am excited by it, thought about it first thing this very early morning. See where this endeavor takes me…

I am excited about your birthday, I hope to read more about your preparations/ anything that is going on regarding  your birthday!

anita

H A P P Y     B IR T H D A Y, J E N N Y    L Y N N !!!

This and the posts to follow are not light-and-fun so you may want to read them after your birthday. I did the italicizing and I retyped your words, with some minor changes to spelling, punctuations and such.

Jenny Lynn in her own words, part one:

what Jenny Lynn does not need in a relationship, what she does not need in a man:

Nov 17, 2017: “I think the relationship I am in right now is killing me… slowly.. Like I’m living with a stranger. I just can’t do it… He does the silent treatment a lot… He gets mad when he doesn’t feel ‘special’ or like I didn’t think about him.. He gets mad if I don’t text him back in a certain amount of time… Things I literally have no control over. He gets really irritated when I miss his phone calls… he is just really mean. Simple as that; as mean as someone can be without hitting me, calling me out my name, or yelling. He is more manipulative than anything. He does a lot of stuff just to get a reaction out of me or to make me sweat.

Nov 21: Sometimes I just sit and think: is it supposed to be easier than this?… or will we constantly conflict? I just know something needs to change because I wouldn’t spend the next 30 years of my life the same way as this one has went.

Nov 28: I am tired of the arguing. I have no more time for it.

Nov 29: When he didn’t respond for 36 minutes the other day.. I don’t get mad, I think 1. He’s at work. 2. He’s not looking at this phone. 3. He’s busy.. or a dozen other logical reasons he couldn’t… HIM- It’s straight to the negative. There’s never a benefit of the doubt.

Nov 30: I am the person who always has to prompt for the resolution of things. Otherwise it will just go un-discussed and fester… I explained the concept of him seeking out problems where there are none… Why would I PURPOSEFULLY ignore you… just in general WHY?…I was like ‘seriously the arguing has to stop. I can’t handle it.

Feb 7, 2018 his mood.. has been reallllly wearing on my nerves.. It’s always annoying when someone complains about a situation they could have avoided... He wasn’t bringing any income.. didn’t have a job… But he still complains... he missed 2 of his car payments… Where did the money go? I am confused.. Our rent being due was stressing him.. His moodiness comes off so spiteful…bad attitudes are contagious. Today he woke up in some silly little mood.

Feb 12 I gained a lot of weight.. I just need a consistent positive environment to produce change. His wishy washy moodiness stifles that. Because I care for him so I absorb his mood and usually he is mean when he’s mad so that usually ends up making me upset, angry, whatever and I no longer can focus on what I need to have an efficient complete day… BOOM he’s mad on Thursday he manages to drag it out long enough.. argue for hours now it’s 12 am and you don’t get enough sleep. Or even just the general stress that comes with waking up in the space of someone with an attitude.

March 16: he’s still annoyed and not talk to me, or ignore me for days.

April 10: He makes me weak.. he does not bring out the best in me, he stresses me to the point where it physically affects me, I am not respected, and I am only heard at his discretion, he judges me, he doesn’t rust me… it’s toxic, it’s unhealthy.. I found myself that next day questioning who I was…he was now my judge and jury… He was almost persecuting me for having ‘not’ told him about me and Leo (I am 100% positive I told him)… he acts like he never heard it before and so now that changes everything to him supposedly and that he would have left me a long time ago if he had known that etc., etc…And then I had to snap back to reality for a second and take a good look. I was picking myself apart about something that will NEVER change because it’s the past. and for what? He’s not a virgin… He needs to get off his f*&^ high horse and stop judging people..

I bow out. I am not strong enough to self sooth through his anger the rest of my life…There is probably someone who is either strong enough… or weak enough to fulfil him. It isn’t me  though.

April 11: me.. Jenny Lynn cannot function in a relationship lined in anger. Maybe someone else can.. but I cannot.

He was a mean person who did nice things (sometimes)… He was nice like a noun to bestow me with a gift of niceness and remove it whenever as well.

**  Nov 28: John may have been all the things he was but he was still an easy going guy you know. Seeing him mad was easily said to be ‘out of the ordinary’… we just never sweat the small stuff you know. That’s what I miss about him.

Dear Jenny Lynn:

The day after your birthday, part two:

A few of  the Lovely Things about Jenny Lynn

You are a kind person, kind as in a verb: “I may make mistakes but I am a kind person. Kind as in VERB… to be continuously and consistently kind to people… Kindness rarely waivers” (April 11)

You are also sensible, logical, insightful, understanding, considerate, and you communicate well, for example, Nov 28: “This morning I text him and told him “Babe I would appreciate it if you used some of your time today and think about what we discussed yesterday- you never really gave me a straight answer and this isn’t the time to assume- do you have intentions of working on being more gentle with me? Do you want to stay with me? Is it ‘worth’ it to you anymore?”

You are gentle with people, not rude, not aggressive or passive aggressive. You are humble,  never presented yourself as superior to others, nor did you present yourself as inferior to others. And you are open to seeing what about you need to do so to improve: “When I had character flaws that made me not so appealing my friends would tell me and over time I have realized and incorporated that into my growth as an adult. Like listening, or not cutting people off, or seeing that my perspective is not the only one, or not jumping to conclusions, getting angry first/ finding out what really happened”.

When you feel badly, you don’t inflict your bad mood on others: “why complain about something that I am not doing anything to actively change. It’s annoying for me to even hear out loud as I say it so I am sure anyone listening would assume the same… That’s not to say of course that I was never in a bad mood, just I am never the person to put myself in the position to be around others socially and be bitter becky”.

Part three- the depression:

“I used to cry a lot as a child (7-14)… I used to get stress nose bleeds as a younger child when I would cry, it was a lot… I wanted someone to acknowledge me crying… so I would keep crying. The idea that no one cared that I was crying made me cry more, made me sadder. I remember getting up after some time and the entire pillow I was crying on was covered in blood and my nose was gushing blood”.

“I was for lack of a better word: CRY- shamed. I stopped expressing my emotions basically at that point…. I used to take so much pride in not crying”

“For most of my life I felt like a burden. I just feel like people/family really only cared about if I had what I needed to live and survive… no one actually ever really cared if I was happy, or how I was feeling, no one inquired”

My input: in dealing with your depression there is what I call the Macro work and the Micro work. The Macro work is choosing your external life circumstances, living situation, work situation, friends and relationships, and not being in a relationship with a man like Glen (see part one from yesterday). The Micro work is about softening the deep hurt and sadness cemented in neuropathways in your brain. These neuropathways were created during those early years when being alone, crying, no one caring, no one inquiring.

Even if you are in a relationship with a wonderful, committed man, and if you have a great career, you would still feel depressed repeatedly, this is why the Micro work is necessary. When we are children our intense experiences get cemented in our brains, as neurons connect, and thoughts/ beliefs are cemented with the glue of strong emotion. That sadness that you felt so intensely as a child, keeps vibrating sadness through your present life experiences, leading to depression, lack of motivation.

The excitement regarding your birthday, even the excitement regarding relationships (“I love, love. And I love being loved… My experiences made me have an attachment to relationships because of the way I was treated as a kid I think. The idea that someone I want. Wants me. And we continuously want each other. I love that shit”, 8/30), these will continue to be preceded and followed by depression until you soften those neuropathways, that is, until you lessen the sadness/ strong emotions in those.

How to do it? Talk about it, feel it, cry.

Not easy to do when you are used to not crying, when you were cry shamed and you just don’t feel like it. And then no one likes to be aware of strong distressing emotions. And yet, this is the only way. Maybe in good psychotherapy, maybe in a support group, maybe with an empathetic, good friend. But it has to be done, repeatedly. When adequately done, there will be less sadness there and less of it vibrating into your present life, more motivation, more excitement.

anita