Dear Tracey,

“trying very hard to overcome a lot of negative programming and manipulation from my past and also overcome a lot of tragic events that no woman wants to go through”

“eyes have stopped lubricating and my nose is permanently blocked”

Also there are lots of suppressed emotions from what you have mentioned.

While you carry on with your conversations on this thread with members of the site, for all the above mentioned issues I may want to suggest you to take a look at something called as ‘The Healing Codes’.

The Healing Codes is a simple self-healing system that is used to activate something which is already in-built in our body – our immune system – whose job when activated is to heal whatever is wrong in the body. Since you have multiple health conditions I think it would help you by your immune system doing its job without you having to worry about each and every disease in the body. Moreover, it also works on the memories and programming that you mentioned as coming from the past.

I have purchased it from here and everything that is required is explained in the below book-
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Code-Minutes-Success-Relationship/dp/B004MWT4B8
Also do take a look at the number of positive reviews.

The official site for it is at -> www(dot)thehealingcodes(dot)com
The book has everything you need but of course if you do not want to wait till you finish the book and have the required financial capabilities then you can also consider Personal Coaching on this process, which is done by a Certified Healing Codes Practitioner. You will get all of that information from their official website.

Oh well! I just see your name and recollected that Dr. Alex Loyd (author of this book and the one who) developed this technique after his wife Tracey Loyd had severe depression for several years and couldn’t find anything to cure it. 🙂
https://youtu(DOT)be/JFL6I3WlmWs – remove (DOT) from this text to watch the video.

Take care,
VJ

• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by VJ.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by VJ.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by VJ.

What would happen if you actually let yourself feel this sadness instead of telling yourself you’ve no “right” to feel sad? What if one of your children came to you and said they felt sad, would you tell them to stop feeling that way because of all the toys they have? I hope not.

You have a number of pretty severe-sounding medical issues, some of which may be aggravated or even caused by stress or mental causes. But you ignore it and pretend nothing’s wrong. Again, if your child came to you saying they were feeling sick, would you tell them to just pretend everything’s OK and that you don’t believe in tummy-aches?

Just look at the last line you wrote. What is wrong? You are bullying yourself. You are hating on yourself non stop and as a result, your self is in severe distress, and instead of listening, your response is “Well, I can’t imagine what could possibly be wrong. Anyway, gotta keep going, I’m the Duracell bunny.”

Please, you’re not the Duracell bunny. You’re a human being deserving of kindness and respect. You have the right to feel everything you’re feeling. You have the right to have your wishes heard. You have a right to not yet be over the things that happened in the past. You have the right to have a hard time with everything that’s going on. Could you try to treat yourself a little bit better?

I think it would be helpful to hash this out with a therapist or doctor or advisor or religious teacher or your local hippie/witch/healer person. I know that’s not cheap, but I’m not sure how much of this you can tackle on your own or with the help of some faceless internet people. It’s OK to need help with this. It’s OK to feel bad. It’s OK to not know how to stop hating on yourself, but I hope you can see that that’s what you’re aiming for.

Be well, friend.

Dear Tracey:

This has been my experience: the fears and hurts of my childhood did not disappear with time, did not exit when I turned 18, when I moved, even when I entered a good relationship. Same fear and same hurt kept circulating in my brain all those decades. Tourette Syndrome and OCD were the two first to appear symptoms of that fear and hurt, starting at five or six years old.

Many years later I told someone: “I am afraid!” He asked: “What are you afraid of?” I didn’t know the answer. I know now: I have been afraid all those years of the same danger I experienced as a child: my mother’s disapproval of me, her harsh, relentless criticism of me, her vicious verbal attacks of me.

She hasn’t been in my life for a few years, before that- she didn’t verbally attacked me for years (But any subtle disapproval was all I needed to feel previous viciousness on her part)- but the fear kept circulating. If a person looked at me “the wrong way”- I anticipated an attack. Automatically.

Can you relate to me?

anita

Dear Tracey:

Sadly, these neat, tidy little boxes you mentioned are not so neat and tidy on the long run.

Your anger at your mother on one hand and love on the other hand- this contradiction- is very understandable to me. I too felt very conflicted, no matter how I tried to place my mother in the Anger Box. I am no longer conflicted or confused at this point. I finally understand the following:

My love for my mother was never based on her being worthy of my love. It was based on the simple fact that she was my main caretaker: she fed me, clothed me, soothed me when I was had the flue, kept me warm in winter time. This is all my love for her is based on, just like any mammal, born to love the mother, born to follow her for food and protection. A fawn that follows her mother deer into the forest follows her because it is motivated by the emotion of attachment, what we call love.

Nature has made it so that for an animal to eat it has to be motivated by the emotion of hunger; for it to mate, it is motivated by the emotion of arousal and for the young to follow their parent, they are motivated by attachment, aka love.

Humans are no different.

I stopped yearning for my mother once I fully realized (and it took a whole lot of time and work) that my love for her did not mean that she is worthy of my love, that is that she is good for me and will love me if I only reach her- that the meaning in my love for her is that I was born to love her, no matter who she is, simply by her being there as I naturally developed the attachment every young mammal develops to the one there, in that role.

anita

How’s the cat doing? 🙂