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Help me save a 19 year relationship

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
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  • #197945
    Patrick
    Participant

    Me and my girlfriend have been a storybook relationship. Never got in arguments, always talked about our problems if we had any, the perfect relationship. It took a turn for the worse when we decided to become swingers in the lifestyle. We had rules about how we did things and everything was working out great until drugs got in the way. I won’t say what drugs were used because I don’t want to be judged but it really messed us up in the thinking process of the lifestyle. While at a club a girl that my girlfriend trusted asked to take me in the back for some one on one. She said yes, her friend grabbed me and took me to the back. Turned out it was a orgy. Her friend acted like I was given the ok to join in and to be honest if I wasn’t on drugs I would have passed but not thinking clearly I participated. That was 10 months ago and no mater what I do wrong she throws it in my face saying I should have known better. She cheated on me 3 times since the incident claming that she did it because of the orgy.  We are not on drugs anymore and she wants out of the relationship because she can’t forgive me. She is my everything, my soul mate, my all. We have gone to couple’s counseling but that don’t seem to work either. Is there anything anyone can suggest that might help me convince her to learn from the past and stop living in it? Thank you for taking the time to read this!

    #197977
    Mark
    Participant

    Patrick,

    You and she have been together for 19 years and she does not want to work on it anymore?  If she really wanted to be with you then she would forgive you, assuming you have apologized, made amends and changed your lifestyle of swinging and drugs.  You cannot change the other person, you can only change yourself.  Move on.

     

    Mark

    #197981
    Patrick
    Participant

    Mark I couldn’t agree with you enough on what you just posted. It’s just weird because there are moments that she hates me and then some where she just talks to me like everything is cool. But when she does honesty it usually ends with the orgy. I told her that if I walk out that front door I’m not coming back. She acts like she doesn’t care.

    Oh and this is another thing that makes me want to scratch my head. She got a little crazy and started to destroy a lot of my stuff. I had to call the police to come out because not only did she do that but she became violent and hit me. I have bruises from her abuse. I was raised never to hit a woman so the only thing left to do was to call the police. I could have put her in jail if I pressed charges but I didn’t have the heart to do it. She then later told me she didn’t want me to move and the reason why she was destroying my things was to make it longer for me to move. He’ll I was thinking “well this is a crazy situation but hey sounds like she wants to make things work”. Then the next day she’s back to the move out of my house song. I sometimes wonder if she knows what she wants??

    #198003
    Mark
    Participant

    Patrick,

    This destructive behavior is certainly not healthy which I am sure you are fully aware of.

    Check yourself to see if you really want to go back to someone who has changed so radically and gone off the rails.

     

    Mark

    #198011
    bobloblaw
    Participant

    Patrick, you honestly deserve everything for this garbage. I hope she leaves you and never comes back. And no, she’s a horrible humanbeing just like you btw, just that at least she knows what’s wrong and wants out. Sit here and justify your disgusting actions with “but not thinking clearly I participated” while admitting to using drugs and not being able to stop yourself from irreversible betraying shit, regardless of what kind of disgusting immoral agreement you idiots came up with because you were bored. Literally an entire world to discover and see and you decide to do drugs and fornicate with strangers. MMM Good fucking idea dude.

    And you Mark, you literally come in here and instead of offering this guy a reality check you enable his disgusting behavior and offer “advice” in the form of scapegoating his wife for this degenerate backward thinking? Lost all faith in humanity reading this disgusting thread. Jesus christ.

    #198251
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi Patrick,

    I hope you continue to post on this website. I think you’ve given a lot of great advice on several threads, and I enjoy reading what you have to say. And you too, Mark!

    B

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