Dear Anita,

You are so right in what you say. The relationship with my sister has always been the way you describe that relationship of yours.

It makes you so tired, both in mind and body.

Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

Jay

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your reply.  I know what I *should* be doing. Which is calling my sister out on her machinations…. and manipulation of my mother’s accounts and welfare.

I’m having a problem with doing that, although that is just, that is the right thing to do. What a coward I am.

I simply don’t want to rock the boat. Things are quiet and calm at the moment. On the surface, at least.

Jay

Dear Anita,

You are so right! I should have ended all contact with my sister years ago. I never considered your post in the context of justice for me personally. I already decided months ago that all contact with my sister would cease when my mother passed on. Maybe I should be thinking about doing this now, not at some point in the future. Yes, I have also paid a high price for keeping in contact. I keep doing it for the sake of peace in the family. I know I will have to put myself first at some point, because life is definitely too short to keep this up for much longer.

Like you discovered, it sometimes has to be justice for yourself, over and above those who seek to bring you down and make you unhappy, and keep on doing it, and know they are doing it.

Thank you for your thoughts. I need to think on this for a while.

Hi Anita,

Once more I agree with all you say above.

The rules of my relationship with my sister were established decades ago.

I wish I could have had a sister who was a friend to me, worked with me, etc., like other sisters in other families do. 🙁

Jay

Dear Anita

And there’s the crux of it all. You can’t change someone else. Only they can change themselves. Some people are incapable of changing themselves.

The only person you can change is yourself.

That’s a hard lesson to learn!

Jay

Dear Anita,

I know you are right in what you say. I should just simply walk away. I’m favouring either #1 or #2 from that list of options the solicitor gave me.

#3 Well, that would drop her right in it. It’s an option for the future maybe.

#4, won’t make a bit of difference, unless I follow it through with #3.

I don’t even plan on telling her I have obtained legal advice, unless she pushes me to it. But getting legal advice has given me some direction, at least.

Jay

• This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by JayJay.

Dear Anita,

I know… I know. I agree with all you say!

I would like things to stay – on the surface at least – ok-ish… a detachment of sorts.

I suppose I’m still putting others first, before myself.

Dear Anita,

That’s exactly the way it is in my situation, Anita.

My mother is being looked after by my sister, and seems happy enough. If someone asked my mother if she was happy with the situation as it is, she would say yes. She is now dependent on my sister for her every need. Perhaps she thinks that is worth the cost, although I’m not sure if my mother is aware of the cost of anything, these days.

Even if I reported this state of affairs, my mother would insist that this is the way she prefers to live. And unless my mother says otherwise to someone in authority, which won’t happen, then I’m stuck with this situation as it stands.

In effect, I would be rocking the boat for nothing, as it would get me nowhere if I did report what my sister is up to. The authorities will always put the wishes of my mother first.

I just wish my sister could be fair. And wishing for that is wishing for the impossible, because it won’t happen.