January 15, 2020 at 6:54 pm #333761
Yep been hiding in my house to avoid further emo pain. I have been hiding out because I have a long history of painful experiences beginning in childhood and never really seemed to end. It is a long and very twisted painful existence. I vowed that when I grew up my life would be different…even though I had no idea what normal was. I was sexually abused by My uncle from the ages of 9 to 11 yrs old.
My basic background is that I was born to teenage parents who physically, emotionally, physically abused, they neglected myself and my sibling. Basic needs of food and clothing were not met.I was thrown out at 15 yrs by my alcoholic mother. I lived with a pedophile boyfriend because I had no other option. I suffered physical abuse after I became pregnant with his child. I finally left him. Went on a drinking bender but got myself together in short order. Met a man who I thought was normal… Found out later he wasn’t especially after we had 2 planned children and he left when they were both infants. I was able to get myself together enough to actually raise them without abusing or neglecting them. It was really hard being a single mom without an education. When they were school. I put myself through school and became a nurse. I was finally mAking headway when I got injured at work and later diagnosed with CFIDS, Fibromyalgia, MTHFR gene mutation and other physical ailments. I have injuries that were caused from the extreme physical abuse I endured from my father (ie. My right shoulder can dislocate spontaneously because the ligaments were damaged when my father grabbed me by my wrist a hung me while he beat me with a belt.)
I have suffered from depression and suicidal ideation for most of my life. I have PTSD, suppressed memories etc.
I later put myself through nursing school when my children became school age. However I was finally mAking headway when I suffered anJanuary 16, 2020 at 11:55 am #333905
This sounds like a dreadful start to your life, very harsh. Parents should be there to protect their children as far as possible and yours have failed miserably at that. First of all you need to give the blame back to the people it belongs to – that is any abuser you have ever met. Your turning point seems to have happened when you became sole carer for your own children.
You need to begin by building your own self esteem, find your own worth. Little by little, beat away depressing thoughts. You don’t need them. Every time you find a negative thought popping into your head, replace it with a positive thought. Give your children lots of praise and encouragement. In some small way, this will heal a part of you.
Writing and art can both be therapeutic. You can write letters to the people that have abused you, not with the intention of sending them, but just so that you can burn them, release them into the Universe and move on from them. This can be very cleansing.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I have your full post but I hope some of the above will be helpful to you.
May I send my healing light and love to you.
With best wishes
PeggyJanuary 16, 2020 at 12:23 pm #333919
You have done so very well to raise your two children without abusing or neglecting them and to put yourself through nursing school, very impressive for anyone, but especially for a person who suffered as much as you have suffered.
You shared that you were born to two teenage parents who didn’t provide adequate food and clothing for you and your sibling and who abused you physically and emotionally, your father causing you a permanent shoulder injury; that you were sexually abused by an uncle for two years (9-11), that you were thrown out at 15 by your alcoholic mother, lived with a pedophile boyfriend who impregnated you and physically abused you, left him, met another man, had two planned children with him, but he left you when the two were infants.
Unfortunately, after graduating from nursing school, you were injured at work and was diagnosed with a serious of physical ailments, and you suffer from depression and PTSD symptoms.
I wish you didn’t suffer as a child, as a teenager, as a young woman, and more recently, this setback beginning with your injury at the workplace.
I wonder if you took advantage of any and all the help you can get as an injured employee and a person suffering from all the diagnosed ailments that you listed?
anitaJanuary 17, 2020 at 5:21 am #333997
Go to the library and online and look up “Reparenting”.
You do need to reparent yourself. That is, give yourself the love, attention, kind words, things and experiences that your own parents never gave you.
You can also do “Ancestral Healing” (another thing to look up).
As we heal ourselves, we also heal our ancestral lines so your own children don’t carry that energy. It sounds like you’re doing a beautiful job raising them, but it’s important to clear away any generational psychic debris left by your very own parents.