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"Holding on and letting go"- How to deal?

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  serena smith 6 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #35840

    serena smith
    Participant

    Hi! while Im surfing in the internet trying to boost myself up about all these things crippled in my sanity,just in time I saw this forum on this site. It really caught my attention. I feel depress
    and down at the same time,its kinda unusual for me. I used to be a peach person but now it
    just turn out to be the opposite of who I was.
    My life was perfect.I have my family,my friends,people who used to love me and my dreams Im looking forward to.But I admit -not so perfect- ”family”. WELL i dont mind. Its just that Im happy to be with my friends.It feels like when Im down I cant think about my problems anymore.Plus the people who love me, it felt so good.That’s why for me its perfect not until now.We moved to another house miles away from the place I used to be.And now I really
    missed my friends especially the person that I love. We started dating for two months before I left. And now I know I need to move on.We didnt see each other before I left. Its hard to move
    on where the things left are the memories of the past. I cant see them again and it hurts like hell.
    How can I move on if I were not yet attending school for two years?,I feel bored with my life. I have no friends here in my new hometown.How can I fight my lonesomeness if there were no positive or happy things on my way? its so hard especially leaving the one you love. Moving on is hard. But is there any harder than this?like there’s no thing I can divert my attention to move on. I feel isolated,I feel lonely but still I have hope. That’s the only strength I have. Im also writing this to get some advices. And I would really appreciate it .MO thanks!

    #35906

    Andy Tran
    Participant

    Hi,

    And I’m sorry for your pain and suffering.
    I’ll try my best to simplify my response.

    This is just my perspective. There are way better resources on this site or from
    professionals.

    What I’m saying and what things you read will take some time to process. It won’t make sense because of your immense pain and
    your brain chemistry is not stable. I went through a tough loss of a relationship 4 months ago. It’s been hell every single day. 90 percent of my thoughts
    were of her and I slept every day at 3 or 4 am. This is coming from a guy that is usually very stable minded and a leader of a lot of people. Anyone can break down and be completely broken. I read mindbodygreen and tinybuddha for the past 2 years and I know the answers, but it takes time to process the information after a big loss. Even if it’s logical, your mind is still to disrupted to accept it.

    What I learned from all of this:

    1. Perspective changes everything. If all of your happiness were from 2-3 people and thats who you spend time with most of your life, then losing them will feel
    like HELL and you will be loss. Your mind chemistry and all of your happiness are attached to them.

    Go out and make new experiences and meet new people. You’ll know more happiness and your mind will understand that there is more happiness out there.

    2. If you have no goals or passions. You’ll feel stuck. If have someone thing look forward to working on everyday so that you’ll move forward, you won’t feel stuck.
    This alone is what held me together. It gave hope that things will be better eventually.

    3. Accept the loss. Accept that those memories were beautiful. Accept that it hurts and keep practice on letting it go. You won’t be able to accept the loss in a day, week, month or even months. But, you’ll better each week, little by little. Even if it’s only 1% at a time.

    4. Ultimately I felt better when I accept everything. Love, kindness, and compassion was the ultimate healer. Bitterness, jealousy, and hate DIDN’T SERVE ME WELL at all.

    5. You’ll go through hell for a while. I’m sorry, but that’s just how things work. Maybe less? But, you just don’t know. But, with time and understanding the hurt will lessen. Please, go through this HELL mindfully, so the next time around, you’ll be prepared.

    6. Be grateful for what you have. Other’s have much less and loss much more. This also helped me. Though at the moment you can only feel your own and won’t understand gratefulness. But, practice this. It took me a while to be grateful. Not being clinically depressed or have chronic disease is a great gift!!! I’m very grateful for that.

    This is just my perspective. There are a lot of great resources on this site and mindbodygreen.

    Check out:

    1. Letting Go
    http://tinybuddha.com/category/blog/letting-go-blog/

    2. Changes
    http://tinybuddha.com/category/blog/change-challenges-blog/

    3. Meaning and Passion in life
    http://tinybuddha.com/category/blog/meaning-passion-blog/

    #35907

    Andy Tran
    Participant
    #37435

    serena smith
    Participant

    Hi Andry Tran! thankyou for responding. Though it takes 1month for me to respond too. I was very touch and move,the way you try to help me through your comments here. your right and I really agree to everything you’ve said. I should accept things memories of good and bad, because it will change my perspective of my situation. it makes me stonger. And I can say that I feel much better now not compared to 1month ago. And when I read your comments, the articles,all your advices just for now.. it makes me upbeat and more lively knowing I can go on no matter what. Thankyou for being such a warmth in my heart :)))

    #37446

    Andy Tran
    Participant

    I’m really happy to hear that!!!

    Keep learning & growing. Life can be horrible, absolutely dreadful at times, but it can be absolutely wonderful too.

    Best of everything to you.

    #37451

    Tera
    Participant

    This may not be the answer to your long term situation, but sometimes when I feel sad it’s because I am spending too much time thinking about what’s missing, or gone. When that happens I remind myself to make lists of all the things that I like or love about my life. It helps me remember how good life is. It doesn’t even have to be all that great. For me something as simple as, the taste of and crunch of a green apple, or the bite of can of icy soda lead to better and better feelings. Eventually it becomes people I love and all the great things about the world. It’s deceptively simple but it really works for me.

    #40744

    serena smith
    Participant

    Thankyou Andy tran :)) indeed. It was a great and challenging experience though.Thankyou for still reaching out 🙂 knowing that even times maybe rough again,its great to write it here again to hear advices and to gather strength again.But its wonderful that I
    m happy now. 🙂

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