Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Dina Weldin

“Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

Each day, month, or year I want to be something different when I grow up. At some point I want to open up a smoothie truck with a best friend, I want to teach yoga to cancer patients, and I want to travel to Australia and become a bartender just to support myself.

But more so than what I want (or think I want) to be, I know what I am. I am a wife, a sister, a friend, an Egyptian, a listener, a weirdo, a poet, a marketer, a dog mom, and a wannabe yogi.

But most of all? I am emotional.

I am so emotional at times that my husband comes home to an inconsolable wife sitting alone on the couch crying. And what has set me off into this uncontrollable fit, you may ask? Some kid in a commercial misses his dad who is on a business trip, and (thanks to Skype services) he gets his bedtime story from 3,000 miles away. Sad? Yes, I know.

Sad, but common. I have emotional friends. I also have completely apathetic friends. I love them. They are completely real with me when I get out of hand and help bring me back to earth.

Something I just can’t help but get emotional over is death.

It’s funny because I don’t have a problem with my own death. I could talk about that for days—how it’s going to happen, when I think it will happen, anything, until my husband tells me he doesn’t want to hear about it anymore and leaves the room.

My grandparents along with many members of my family live in Egypt. I went to Egypt every other summer since I was born. I looked forward to seeing my cousins, the beaches, my aunts—everyone, but specifically my grandfather. I am my grandfather’s favorite grandchild (his words, not mine). Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tiela Garnett

 “Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.”  ~Sri Chinmoy

We live in a world of judgment. We qualify everything in varying degrees of right and wrong, good and bad, pretty and ugly.

We are taught from earliest childhood to judge everything and everyone. We label our days consistently, using adjectives like “beautiful” or “horrible.” Even the weather is not immune!

The presence of judgment is pervasive in our lives, yet subtle enough in some cases to pass unnoticed. 

I have worked for years at ridding my life of all judgment, but it’s far easier said than done! Just when I begin to think I’ve eradicated all traces of the poison, it pops up again, wearing a new disguise.

One of the most valuable lessons of my life was witnessing the presence of judgment when I least expected it…

Many of us on a so-called “spiritual path” find ourselves sorely challenged when we observe the suffering of those around us. This was especially true for me when my mother was dying.

In the last days of my mother’s life, she was in severe, physical pain.  It’s hard for me to put into words the extent of my discomfort as I watched her, and the effect it had on my personal belief system.

For years, I had lived with the belief that “all is well,” that regardless of any appearance of disharmony, there is a destiny, a plan, order in this great universe of ours. As my mother lay dying, I could not reconcile the image of her suffering with that belief system.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kirsten Tulsian

“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” ~H. Jackson Browne

When I close my eyes and ponder the dreams that I have, the hopes and wishes that I cradle in my heart, I wonder what has prevented me from reaching for and achieving them. Oh, I come up with a whole slew of excuses, sometimes disguised as “reasons.”

The seeker of my truth fires back with a rebuttal most of the time.

“It is better to attempt and fail than fail to make any attempt at all,” it says in response to my ego’s ramblings about how I won’t ever succeed.

“You make time for what is important to you,” my inner light says in response to my ego’s musings about how busy my life is, working a full-time job, while also parenting two active, small children.

Regardless of the excuse, it can always boil down to one thing.

Fear.

I lost my dad traumatically and unexpectedly in 2003. I spent the next eight years wading through the sadness and anger, searching for some deeper meaning, some explanation for how serendipitously and “coincidentally” it all unfolded.

Then in 2011, I made an amazing discovery that was ultimately life changing. The catalyst for this shift in my being was a referral from a friend to read a book about life after death.

Suddenly, I realized that my soul, my intuition, my gut—it had something to say about how I should purposefully fulfill my path in this lifetime.

I spent quite a bit of time trying to differentiate between these disparate voices and messages I was receiving. Is it my head or my gut?

The ego is fear-driven. It relishes in success, achievement, and status. It directs you to analyze the route that leads to all of these things.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Marilyn Briant

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Unknown

Like many people, I lived my life for a lot of years failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I thought. Perhaps I didn’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I did know that my own feelings of peace were always transitory.

There were many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believed inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who didn’t have to deal with everyday struggles.

I was stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace could be mine when there was always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I loved.

In fact, it seemed to me that the whole world was filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about in the newspaper, saw on the television, or heard from someone I knew.

It was the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing a country.

Then there were the stories closer to home—my friend’s husband being diagnosed with cancer and dying three months later, my father suffering from dementia, my best friend’s marriage falling apart—all tearing at my heart and leaving me hurt and grieving.

In my own personal life too, my emotions dipped and peaked along with how much control I felt I had over my own happiness. I literally felt like a puppet on a string, and asked myself over and over again, “How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life, when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?”

Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else.

But in the deepest part of myself, I did not feel good most of the time. I longed to not be so emotional. I wanted to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger—to feel serenity in my heart.

It was an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life.

I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jeremy Britton

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.” ~Buddha

Your life is much like a radio.

If you’re in control of it, then you can actually tune in and make sense. Then you can set your dial on the talk-back radio show, listen to that, and learn some things, or you can set your dial onto music and have an enjoyable time.

If you feel that you are not in control, or you do not realize that you are in control, then you may just hear a lot of static and annoying sounds that might even drive you crazy.

The process of “Flick your Rich Switch Transformation” (FYRST) is about taking control of your life, taking control of all of the things that you merely think you are not actually in control of (but you are, or you can be).

Some people don’t think that they control their mood, their lives, their blood flow, their breathing, their heart rate, their body language—and that’s why they often get some outcomes that they’re not happy about.

Someone else can control all of those things by telling you some bad news or some exciting news; for example, “The winning lottery numbers are 4, 23, 16, 19 & 30.”

It is the subconscious process occurring in your own head that will make your blood flow to your face or to your feet; it is your own thought process that will make your heart pump slower or faster; your own thoughts that will make your body stand straighter with excitement or slump lower with dread.

Yes, dread. For some people, winning millions may represent an increase in responsibility, stress, and anxiety. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a post by Chad Davis

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

In a moment of despair—moments I find have been increasing this year—I turned to this site for a little comfort. After reading a couple articles, seeing that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling, I still couldn’t help but remain terrified of the next part of my life.

Job searches were wearing me out. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to live. I desperately wanted that dream job. All of these things had instilled a fear inside of me that I once thought I’d be able to overcome.

And then a year passed and poof, magically, there was no more sense of confidence, but instead a sense of fear.

Then I saw this quote. And I wished that I’d come up with it.

It says a lot, I think, about the way certain words work in our brains without us even realizing it.

“False Evidence Appearing Real.”

 We all know that being afraid of the future is just as silly as being afraid of our own shadows, and yet we fear it all the same.

Why?

The answer is within the quote; it’s a false sense of reality.

We imagine what we don’t want to lose and instantly grow afraid of that loss. But we’re being bamboozled; we’re duping ourselves out of a secure sense of “now” and replacing it with an insecure sense of “what if.”

The only reality that exists is in each passing second, and yet with each passing second comes the agony of not knowing what will come next. It’s a struggle, and nothing more than that.

So what can we do to heal this repeating, self-inflicted wound? Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” ~Robert Quillen

This weekend someone broke into my apartment and stole everything of significant monetary value that I owned.

They stole my jewelry box, with pieces I got from my boyfriend, his mother, and my sister, after she’d gone through a break-up and wanted to unload a vast collection from her past. They stole several purses in my closet, and confusing it for another, also took my makeup bag.

They took my laptop bag containing my new MacBook, my wallet, my passport, my glasses, and my boyfriend’s old iPhone, which I’ve been using to play games. They grabbed a stack of DVDs, though I can’t remember which.

Lastly, they took my hamper, after emptying it on my bedroom floor, to carry all their loot. Oddly but thankfully, they took nothing of my boyfriend’s.

That night, I’d been at a neighbor’s house with a few friends, peeling lemons to make limoncello. I was supposed to be in New Orleans with my boyfriend and others for Jazz Fest, but I’d backed out after my doctor told me it wasn’t wise, so soon after my surgery.

When I walked into my bedroom after arriving home, and saw the clothes on my floor, I wondered why I would have done that. I hadn’t yet noticed the other missing items, and I just assumed if something was awry, I’d done it and forgotten.

Then I started looking around, and realized someone had been in my home. My heart started racing, my face went flush, and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I wondered if someone was still there, hiding, waiting, or watching.

So I ran downstairs and called my neighbor, who came right over with the others. Thankfully, they did everything for me. They called the police. They called my apartment community’s security. And they even wrote a checklist of things I needed to do, including canceling cards and setting up credit monitoring alerts. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jaclyn Mullen

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~Albert Einstein

There I was in January, on the floor, physically and emotionally. From the outside, I probably looked like every one else attending yoga class off Robertson Blvd. that Sunday morning, but to me, on the inside, especially within my heart, I was in shambles.

And then, there was a moment I had not expected.

The waterworks came as I heard the teacher say, “Sometimes, you feel as though you are riding the bicycle backwards. You feel like you are backtracking and heading in the wrong direction, but really what’s happening is contraction and release. The universe is preparing you for something much greater and like a sling shot, it’s going to shoot you forward—you just have to move backwards for a little bit.”

I looked over at my roommate, eyes welled up with tears of disbelief and quickly thought to myself, “I’m an independent, successful woman and I get to control what direction my bike ride is going. So listen up universe, get me off this backwards bicycle, pronto!”

I felt a temporary sense of relief for 90 minutes or so. Then, upon my walk home, my heart was breaking again.

Why the sorrow? I spent the majority of 2011 really clarifying what I was looking to get out of life: success, giving back, a loving relationship, traveling the world. For the most part, I was successful in these pursuits.

I completed my 30^th Birthday Build for Habitat For Humanity in honor of 9/11. I had been able to cross bi-coastal living off my bucket list and returned back to the home base of LA. I had even started to pick up a few new clients and began exploring additional revenue streams. Sounds good, right?

What also happened is that I got used to getting everything I wanted and set out to achieve.

I got used to things working on this magic time frame—put it out there and it will happen exactly as you planned and wanted it to happen. I can hear you thinking, “Um, ok—so what’s the problem with that?” Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Roo Mulligan

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela

My dog, Elvis, is a sweetheart and a scaredy cat. When our vet found him, he was roaming free with a wire collar embedded in his neck and a raging case of mange. It took her thirty minutes to chase him down and three months to nurse him back to health.

When we first adopted him, he was afraid of everything: bikes, strollers, loud noises, sprinklers, and people. The only things he was never wary of were other dogs. Through a lot of patience and love, Elvis has come a long way. He is no longer afraid of people or bikes, but he still hates sprinklers and he’s always on guard.

This past spring I took Elvis on a walk at a local state park. It was a beautiful day, sunny, high 70’s with a light breeze. We had a great time traipsing through the woods. When we came around the corner at the bottom of a hill, the river sat gleaming in the sun before us. Elvis stopped, sat, and refused to get any closer.

I knew he needed to get his bearings, so I paused and let him absorb what lay before him. I spoke gently to him and tried to persuade him to keep going.

He dug his paws in and started to maneuver his shoulders into this Houdini twist that allows him to slip out of his harness. I stopped and we turned around. Because of his fear, Elvis never got to see or smell all the wonderful sights and aromas awaiting him at the river’s edge.

People are like that too. We traipse happily along in our routines, always doing and experiencing the familiar.

As soon as we have an opportunity to expand our horizons, to see a new place, meet a new person, or accept a new job, our fear kicks in and we stop. We hold back; it’s too scary. 

We don’t know what lies before us. All we know is it looks big and scary, and we fear all the unknowns. If we could just take that leap, act on faith, and move forward despite our fear we would learn (just as Elvis would have) that while it is new terrain, it is still dirt and grass. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Josh Lipovetsky

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

Though there are many events outside of our control, we do have the power to change our own lives. So what’s stopping us?

In a word: fear.

Fear is a great survival instinct. It helped our ancestors survive the rigors of daily life. But nowadays, fear holds us back from achieving what we want to achieve.

My Story

I grew up living in fear. In school, I tried to win the approval of other people by letting them bully me. I was terrified of being disliked, and this constantly worked against me.

When I was 15, I suddenly came down with Crohn’s Disease, a painful autoimmune disorder. It was the beginning of a new journey; a journey that would permanently enroll me in the school of hard knocks.

I believe the biggest fear I am in the process of overcoming is the fear of going against society’s expectations. One example: Society expects you to be gloom and doom when you’re going through a tough illness. Not me.

Before I even started learning about personal development, I tried to lighten up the days of the doctors and nurses in the hospital with a smile and positive demeanor. This completely cut through expectations, because “sick” people aren’t supposed to smile.

When I started feeling better, I decided to work on my fears even more. I went to online school, where I worked on the fear of being a self-disciplined learner.

I started a daily stretching routine, and posted a video of myself doing a full split online. I sent it to my old ballet teacher, and she invited me to come to dance in her studio.

That idea had never even crossed my mind. A swirl of irrational thoughts went racing through my mind:

• What if I’m not good enough at dancing to be in the studio?
• What if I get sick?
• What are all of the people going to think of me? I have an NG tube in my nose that makes me look weird! Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Petrea Hansen-Adamidis

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac

A while back I began to feel out of sorts with my writing. It happened after coming down from the high of creating almost nonstop with my inner muse. I noticed that I began to feel down, like the feeling one gets after being at the amusement park when the excitement is over.

Creating and finishing my projects had been a wild ride. It was exciting and intense at times. But once done, an insidious feeling began to over take me.

My thoughts began to wander to “the dark side” questioning my abilities.

What if I can’t create something new? What if people don’t like what I have done?

Like after any expenditure of energy, there is always a lull. Lulls have been known to drain ones creative energy if you let them. I know from experience that if I let myself I can easily slip into a creative stupor.

When in that lull or in that space between creativity, it may seem like nothing is happening. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. We need that break.   

When in this state I feel sensitive and quick to take things personally. I could just do nothing and give in to the disappointment when things have not gone as I have expected. Alternatively, I could use this as motivation, a starting point for another creative endeavor.

But self-doubt has a way of getting under your skin. For me I begin to feel an uprising of the “you’re not good enough” gremlins inside me when this happens.

I remember when this happened after something I submitted online was not accepted.  It felt like a rejection. “Forget it then!” belted out a voice inside with the force of a 2 year-old having a tantrum when she doesn’t get her way.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Barrie Davenport

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Unknown

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who carried Fear as her constant companion.

It wasn’t fear of wild animals, impending danger, or the shadows that lurk in the night. In fact, her friend Fear had become disassociated with any real thing. It had become an entity all its own that could morph and wind its way into any circumstance the woman happened to be in.

The woman wasn’t born this way.

When she was small, Fear had served her well and taught her how to stay out of harm’s way. But as the girl grew and experienced the world around her (which could sometimes be harsh and painful), Fear found a foothold for power.

Fear taught the girl that Harsh and Painful were always just around the corner, even when they weren’t, and showed her how to avoid life so that she wouldn’t meet them. When she did meet Harsh and Painful, Fear said, “I told you so. You better stick with me.”

Fear’s Sneaky Plot

Sometimes her erstwhile friend Fear thought it was fun to poke around in the young woman’s mind, searching for weak spots so that it could manufacture something that felt as real as an oncoming train or a lurking monster.

Fear was sneaky like that. It liked to torment and create havoc in the woman’s heart and mind. It whispered stories in her ear that weren’t true or only had a grain of truth. Fear liked to embellish. Fear liked to stir the pot.

The woman knew that she’d allowed Fear to become her master. But she kept feeding it by worrying, over-thinking, pontificating, ruminating, and believing without question. As Fear munched away growing fatter and stronger, the young woman began to shrink. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Happy Tuesday friends! As you may already know from reading my recent posts, today is the day of my myomectomy surgery.

I decided not to publish a guest post today, since I will not be around to share it on the Tiny Buddha social media pages, moderate comments, or respond to emails. Instead, I decided to re-publish a post from 2010 that you may not have read, called 50 Things to Love About Life That Are Free. I hope you enjoy it!

I will be in the hospital until Thursday or Friday, though I will likely be working toward the end of the week. In the meantime, I would appreciate if you would do something for me:

Is there something that always makes you smile–an uplifting video, a funny picture, or a joke? I would love it if you would share it in the comments section so I can see them all after my operation.

If you don’t have anything specific to share, and you’ve never commented before, it would be great if you’d introduce yourself and share something that you’re passionate about. Meeting new people is my favorite part of running this site, and I’d love to connect with you!

If you’re reading this in your inbox, you may want to click here to comment on the site. Please note you might not receive an email on Wednesday or Thursday this week–and that I may be slow to respond to any emails that come to me.

Thank you again for all your love and support. It means the world to me, and it’s helped.

APRIL 12TH UPDATE: I came home from the hospital today and spent some time reading all your comments/visiting all your links. Thank you so much everyone! I’m touched that you all took the time to do this. When I’m feeling a little better, I will respond to some of these. Thank you again so much.

Photo by h.koppdelaney

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jessica Dally

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~Melody Beattie

I’ve never had a problem with forgiveness.

In high school my mother and I would argue endlessly. Her lectures and my rebellion both had no end. While it was true that my mother had her faults, my independence caused me to be less than willing to follow her direction.

At one point we were arguing, as we usually did, which meant hours of crying and lecturing. As I pointed out to her yet another of her faults she said something that I have never forgotten:

“At least I didn’t tell you that you were worthless.”

She was right. That’s what her mother had drilled into her head again and again, making sure she understood that she had little value to the world. A lesson that I suspect she still believes or at least struggles with.

At some point in her life, perhaps while she was pregnant with me, or maybe before, she determined that this was one legacy she would not pass on. She would never tell me that I had no value, and indeed she never did.

While it may seem like nothing, to struggle against your upbringing, to stop a cycle of emotional abuse, is a phenomenal act of strength.

I didn’t know what I hadn’t received.

Up until that point I hadn’t even thought about the fact that this horrible thing hadn’t happened to me. I only thought about the things I didn’t like—the treatment that was dysfunctional. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by JR Hughes

“Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” ~Unknown

Last December I found myself sitting on my floor, having just left my job and a ten-year relationship. As a result, I was about to leave my home too. In front of me was a mountain of possessions that I somehow had to take with me to wherever I was going next.

Clothes, bedding, books, notebooks, electronic bits and pieces, boxes of ornaments, and sentimental “things,” handbags within handbags, flocks of high heels, tsunamis of paperwork…

And then there was little me.

I felt overwhelmed by my possessions. It seemed unnatural to have accumulated more than I could carry alone, or at least fit into my car.

Outside, it was the run up to the holidays in the middle of a recession. Half the country was unable to afford their heating bills, let alone presents. So to distract myself I brought a handful of things to a children’s charity shop down the road: teddies, pictures, a wicker basket that would be perfect for a child to keep toys in.

And that unleashed the floodgates.

I felt good—for me, because my burden of possessions had shrunk, and for the children, who might receive these things at Christmas.

While the basket was hard to give away—it had been mine since I was a baby—giving it away made me see that I was better able to mentally cope with getting rid of things, than physically cope with trying to take it all with me.

And so an epic spring clean began in the middle of my winter. Three weeks of rifling through boxes and shipping stuff out to charity shops, friends, family, the trash, and eBay.

Some things were easy to give away. Others were not. Certain things I had no use for—yet something made me hesitate to let them go. I came to know these hesitations as emotional speed bumps. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Mike Bundrant

“Use what language you will, you can never say anything but what you are.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Imagine using a new language that prevents you from blaming others, being reactive, manipulating, fearing anything in the outside world, needing social approval, being offended by others, and being controlled or controlling others.

Imagine that these problems were simply eliminated from your life because your new language makes them impossible. Welcome to Perceptual Language.

Refined by Jake and Hannah Eagle of Green Psychology, Perceptual Language represents a major development in psychology, perhaps the greatest breakthrough since the days of Freud.

When you learn Perceptual Language, you engage your tongue and your brain toward a new level of enlightenment. Here is a brief overview of how it works.

Principle #1: There is no out there out there.

Perceptual Language honors the principle that we don’t respond to “the world out there.” We respond to our perception of the world. Perception is formed by beliefs, cultural norms, religious affiliation, genetic factors, life experience, sense of right and wrong, and so much more.

All of these factors combine to filter the information that passes through our senses, allowing us to figure out what things mean. In other words, we don’t ever directly experience anything outside of ourselves. We only experience ourselves.

When I listen to my wife talk, I am actually hearing my perception of her words, gestures and so forth. I am making meaning out of what she communicates based on that. This may or not match the meaning she intends to convey.

If I am offended by her, it is important to understand that I am actually offended by what I did with her words based on how I made meaning out of them. In essence, I am offended by her-in-me. Not by her, the real person. I can never experience her, the real person, directly.

In essence, I am offended by this person that I have made a part of me by the way I perceive her. In the end, I am offended by none other than myself. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Hannah Clare

“Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield

I find it hard to do things I know are good for me—harder than anything else in my day-to-day life.

Yoga, meditation, journaling: these have all been invaluable tools during my personal journey, yet I have to will—sometimes fight—myself in order to do them.

It’s not that the activities themselves are hard (although yoga can be intense). It’s the motivation—the internal debate that starts up every day—that I struggle with. Afterwards, I feel great: more in touch with myself and far more at peace. But to get there, it’s a psychological mission.

I used to think it was just me—that everyone else sat down to these activities with an eager mind and an open heart, especially people who write about these things, like I do, and practice them daily, like I want to.

The fact that I was less skipping joyfully to and from these activities, and more dragging myself with gritted teeth left me feeling like a fraud, which meant I wanted to do these things even less.

Over time, I learned more about self-acceptance. I learned to accept that this was me, the way I am, and that perhaps I will always find it difficult to sit down and do these things, whether it makes sense or not. Yet, I still felt alone with my struggles and, therefore, afraid to really talk about them with anyone else.

Last week, I was talking to a friend of mine about challenges he was having with a course I run. He was saying he felt resistance, he didn’t know why, and that it seemed like everyone else found sitting down and doing the work a walk in the park. They could just do it, whereas for him it was a daily battle.

That sounded familiar…

And as soon as I wasn’t trying to hide the resistance, as soon as I let myself talk about it openly, I could think more clearly about why I felt that way, and what was behind that resistance. And out of all those reasons came the realization: the resistance is on my side; sometimes it’s just misguided. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Andria Yiasmin Karanicola

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

A year ago I was finishing my degree in the UK. And I feel in love.

I was confused about my life. What was I supposed to do after my degree? Go back home? Do a masters degree, and in what area? Stay and get a job in the UK? If yes, then what job? The questions in my mind were endless.

It was the feeling of distress and confusion you experience when you’re in a transitional phase in your life. Everyone has felt it at least a couple of times.

For me, it was probably the most confused period of my life, and then it got worse. My father let me know that he wanted me to end my relationship. He thought that because of his appearance and attitude he would be a bad influence.

He told me to choose between the two of them, but I just I couldn’t.

How could you choose between two people that are important to you?

My father decided cut me off and didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.

I felt disappointed with my father’s behaviour and confused because I would not be able to continue my studies without emotional and financial support; and of course I felt alone.

You always have the suspicion that some people might betray, disappoint, or hurt you, but for many of us, it never crosses our minds that our parents could be those people. My father, the person I thought would always be there for me, didn’t want to see me anymore—and for such a stupid reason.

I was firm in my decision to keep seeing my boyfriend. What if this happened again in the future; would I always need to choose who to spend time with based on my father’s approval? Was I willing to put each person that enters in my life through my father’s test? I certainly wasn’t!

I felt angry. I couldn’t sleep well for almost six months. I cried almost every day. I was suffering as if my father had died, since he wasn’t in my life. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Ana Barcelos

“If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” ~Oprah Winfrey

I’ve often compared myself to others and imagined that they have a better life than I do.

The youngest of eight children, I grew up with a mother who often said, “So and so must really be happy! Look at them! They know how to live life.”

Becoming a widower at the age of forty with eight children to raise was not easy on her, which is why she constantly wished her life were different. And somehow, those thoughts and words stuck with me.

I’ve frequently felt that I’m not enough, despite being a professor and researcher, having published books, and having presented at conferences in Brazil and abroad.

No matter how much I’ve done and accomplished in my life, I usually catch myself looking at other people´s lives and thinking they´re better off (despite all the webinars, self-development books, self-improvement mp3s, and meditations I have done).

I compare myself to people who somehow “seem” to lead a more fun life. In the beginning of my career, I thought that other researchers were always “producing” more than I was.

This type of thinking also manifests in the suspicion that I could be living another life.

Let me explain: We sometimes get stuck, thinking the past, or our “lost opportunities,” as we like to label them, are better than the present.

Our thinking might sound like this:

“If I had done such and such, I would be living my dreams.”

“I could be living this adventurous life in another city doing something else.”

“I´d be so happy if only I had…”

This is where the problem lies.

Lost opportunities happen when we are nowhere instead of now here.

We are nowhere when we live in the present lamenting the past, dreaming of a future that may never come if we are not mindful about our present, about the now here.

No one can be happy if not in the present. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Kate Howe

“The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” ~Robert Fulghum

For as long as I can remember, I have been an ardent keeper of a life to-do list. Always a set of invisible criteria in my head, and sometimes written-out in actual lists, my to-do list of life improvements has been sort of a North Star, guiding my direction and efforts.

This love of improvements in process stems from a longstanding and deep desire to be transformed in some magical way. Not because my life has ever been bad in an objective sense, but nevertheless, I always believed my life—and I—needed to be changed and improved.

In elementary school, for example, I can remember thinking ahead to a trip I was going to take in the summer with my friend’s family to Cape Cod.

I planned all the ways I’d use the following months to become the pretty wasp-y girl who I thought belonged on Cape Cod (grow out my hair, get a new cover for Bermuda bag…)

Or, when I went off to college in New York City, I looked forward to the very sophisticated, adventurous urbanite I would be (stop eating dinner between now and then to be skinny, buy this pair of boots and that jacket, develop an air of nonchalant cool…)

This was a pattern I replayed many times over: set my sights on a media-perfected image of a lifestyle or type of person, and then list all the ways that I needed to change to become more like that image.

All of these different factors would find their ways into resolution or to-do form. (Will lose weight, will be more extroverted and charming, will learn to be a better flirt, and so on.)

When the experiences I planned for came to pass, they each had their own reality, which was good, interesting, and full in its own way. Click Here to Read More…