Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jeff Munn

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Proverb

I recently made a discovery that massively increased the amount of change that I have been able to take on. Good stuff, too, like my eating habits and the amount that I exercise.

By this time last year, and the year before, I would have already dropped my New Year’s resolution. Maybe you have, too.

But there’s still a chance. There’s still time for some big changes this year.

With this small change, I’ve not only taking on big changes, but I’ve been able to sustain them. And add to them.

I’ve deepened my meditation practice. I’ve lost weight. I’ve reduced the amount of sugar I eat. I’ve dropped caffeine. I’ve increased the amount of yoga I do. I’ve started running again. And writing.

This has all happened since adopting one small trick that I had never heard about (and that frankly, I had never even read about).

It’s made change fun.

Here it is:

Start as small as you can. And do that small thing every day.

If I could see your face right now, chances are pretty good that I would see someone who looks a bit underwhelmed. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jennifer Boykin

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

I am a member of a mercifully small subset of society. I am the mother of a dead child.

Twenty years ago, my daughter Grace—my first child, my only girl—was born prematurely and died 32-minutes later. As I write this, I am astonished that it has been twenty years since I met my daughter for the only time.

Time stopped for me when Grace took her last little breath. And I was certain that my life could never start again. 

I was wrong.

Here’s what made all the difference in my healing:

Over time, I learned to bless the thorns in my life. I began to see that the thorn and rose define one another. Since, one cannot exist without the other, we can only enjoy the rose when we embrace the thorn.

As a society, though, we make healing from loss very difficult. We unintentionally tell each other lies about suffering and the healing process.

One of those lies is that “Time heals all wounds.”

If time healed all wounds, why do so many people suffer their entire lives from things that happened decades ago?

As one of the bereavement experts I studied explained, it’s not “time” that heals all wounds. It’s hard work. And hard work takes time.

Here is some of the hard work of healing: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sheila Viers

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

Just because you’ve believed something is true, even if you’ve believed it for a long period of time, that doesn’t mean that it is actually true or that it has to be true for the future.

For a long time I believed that my body was broken. I believed that I could never be super lean and ripped even though I really wanted to be. I also believed I had irreversible digestive issues that seemed to be getting worse and worse.

I spent a lot of time searching for answers because I believed that somebody out there somewhere had to have the cure to fix me.

Somebody had to know how to help me finally lose weight and gain the body of my dreams, the happiness I longed for, and the approval I so much needed but would never admit.

I bounced from one diet or self-help book to the next, reading one magazine after the other, Googling one “how to fix {insert ailment}” search topic after another, hunting for the key.

But then somewhere along the way I realized I didn’t want to do that anymore. I was tired of feeling broken, helpless, and sad. I started to question why I kept doing what I was doing.

It started to seem really silly to me because I wasn’t actually finding any of the answers I was seeking. In fact, I seemed to be just getting more confused than ever. I stopped searching for how to fix myself, and instead began searching for the answer to a different question:

Why do I feel so broken?

Shifting my question led me on a whole new adventure where I finally recognized I wasn’t broken at all; in fact my body had the ability to regain its balance on its own, which it did. The problem wasn’t my body, it was my beliefs—my limiting, disempowering beliefs. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Anne Samoilov

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

I’ve always been an optimist, looking for the good in situations, even when they seem like the bleakest thing that could happen to me or the people around me.

But failure is a difficult one to turn on its ear.

You know when you don’t reach your goal. You know when you don’t get what you wanted.

Now I know the Rolling Stones sang “You can’t always get what you want…but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” And you know what? Those lines never sat well with me—to just sit and accept it.

So, even though I know there are reasons I didn’t make it big as a recording artist—and that my Pilates business didn’t fulfill me, and that I’ve experienced the sting of working at companies that decided to shut down—I have always refused to simply shrug my shoulders and say, “Oh well!”

I decided to find a new way to handle failure and to not only look at in a more optimistic way, but also find within it clues for my next move.

Here’s what I discovered.

Failure is a step toward your ultimate success.  It’s a lesson.  A challenge. A chance.

When I struggled with my Pilates business, for example, I realized I needed to ascertain where the bulk of my money was coming from and then do more of that. So I made a plan and moved forward. I started doing more of what I loved and what was bringing in income, and less of what wasn’t. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sandy East

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” ~Charles Swindoll

I’ve recently dealt with numerous challenges that range from the ridiculous to the life-threatening. I’ve had friends telling me they “can’t bear to hear any more” about illness, financial loss, and an array of physical and emotional accidents that have broken parts of me, but not all.

Every aspect of my life is changing: career, relationships, health, and beliefs. I have to make the most of every situation and so I’ve created my own set of rules to keep me focused and to remind me that all will be well.

If you’re also dealing with a challenging time, these guidelines may help you, too.

Rule #1: Assert your goals.

When everything seems to have fallen apart, realize you still have options, and then assert exactly what you want for yourself.

I want to live my life using my natural gifts. I want to create, write, teach, paint, and inspire, and to use my skills to generate the energy to live and love well. I’m working toward my goals, but I understand they might not all come to fruition. If things don’t pan out exactly as I hope, I know I can deal with it positively.

I’ll give myself a break, discuss it with a friend, and do whatever I need to do to get clarity, and then I’ll re-assess. The important thing is that I know my ambition has to make my heart soar and excite me.

Where are your instincts guiding you? Assert it to yourself, the people who support you, and the world. This is the first step in creating a life you’ll feel passionate about. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Melissa Moore

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

My mom leaned in and gave me a goodnight kiss. The only light illuminating her face was coming from the hallway. I looked up at her, and in the confidence of the dark confessed, “I saw it.”

“It” was my birthday present, waiting patiently for me to wake up in the morning and claim it from its place in the garage. “It” was a turquoise blue Stingray bicycle with a white pleather banana seat and an extra tall sissy bar.

I’d seen it by chance, tucked back in a dark corner, and knew instantly it was for me.

I couldn’t stop myself from ruining my mom’s surprise. I just couldn’t contain my joy. That bike was the answer to my 10 year-old dreams.

And I wasn’t disappointed.

My new bike was the coolest mode of freedom I could imagine. It took me to the local pharmacy for candy and back to the school playground to meet up with my friends. Like an addict, I lusted for the feeling I got from riding past the Skerkoske’s house, Marcia Brady hair blowing in the breeze, singing “I Think I Love You” at the top of my lungs.

Riding something so beautiful gave me all kinds of cocky confidence. I was fearless. Within days, I was pedaling through the neighborhood, arms waving madly in the air, shouting “Look at me world!  I’m riding with no hands!”

I let go without ever calculating the risks involved.

Fear crept up on me gently, a part of the ever expanding feeling of responsibility that came along with growing up.  

Or maybe I’d heard “Hold on to that bike young lady! Do you want to end up in the hospital?!” one too many times. Whatever the cause, the magic of my turquoise blue Stingray was no longer enough to make me feel invincible.

I grew afraid of falling off.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Tess Marshall

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

Too often, we allow fear, worry, and doubt to dominate and define our lives. We allow them to steal our joy, our sleep, and our precious dreams.

I made up my mind, very young, that I would push forward no matter what.

I was 17 and pregnant when I married my boyfriend. We were young and foolish, and because our only plan was “love,” I gave birth to three more daughters by the age of 22. My last pregnancy was twins.

Kristy, one of the twins, was born without a right hand. My biggest fear, at the time, wasn’t how we would make it financially, but how would Kristy make it?

How would she hold a bottle or a swing? In a culture where we worship physical beauty, how would she adapt?

Kristy faced many struggles, but she was a fighter, and she pushed back. Hard!

She held her bottle with one hand. After she sucked it down, she would toss it, grab her sister’s bottle, and drink hers as well. She learned how to swing by putting the right chain in the crux of her elbow.

Her biggest struggles were in school, where she was teased, mocked, and bullied. It was painful to watch, but her sisters helped protect her.

She was determined to keep up with her sisters. She followed their lead and learned to play soccer and basketball in elementary school. She would go on to play sports for two years at the University of Chicago.

One of Kristy’s biggest fears was that boys wouldn’t want to date her. She didn’t date in high school. However, I don’t think it was because of her physical challenge but because she challenged them in sports and would beat them—their egos were bruised! Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Noch Noch

“Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Two years ago, reading this quote, I would smirk and think, “What a cliché.”

In the last two years, I would read this quote and be in utter disbelief that anything can be learned when one is in the depths of hell.

Today, I read this quote and resonate confidently, that yes, even though I tried to end my life, even though I had to quit a high paying job, even though I still suffer from major depression, good has come out of my negative experience, and I have learned the lesson to take care of myself and listen to my body, albeit the hard way.

Around November 2009, my doctor said to me, “Noch, I think you are burned out. Your migraines are most probably due to stress. Please go see a psychologist.”

My fiancé dragged a reluctant me into the shrink’s office, and I came out, diagnosed with major depression. I had no idea what it meant or what would become of me. I just felt extremely unmotivated, had no appetite, only had negative thoughts in my little head, and was excruciatingly tired of life.

I was immensely frustrated with myself. I didn’t know why I was depressed, or burned out. I thought I had it all: the executive job, high on the corporate ladder at the young age of 28.

I spoke a few languages, lived all around the world, had a man who loved me for who I was, had my few soul mates and a wide network of friends. So what happened to me?

Indeed, I felt really ungrateful to be sick at all. All the people who passed me everyday in the misty smog of Beijing seemed to live much harder lives, scraping by the wayside. So, who was I to be unhappy about my life? I had no answer. And the more I thought about it, the more I got caught in my web of negative thoughts and unreasonable reasoning of life.

I closed myself off from the rest of the world, and disappeared off the social radar. I was forced to take medical leave from work, being physically unable to do any work or concentrate.

The few close friends who knew of my plight tried to console me.

“It’s a challenge and test, to make you stronger,” they’d say. They gave me examples of all these great leaders of the world who had to go through trials and tribulations to get to where they were. There was something in store for me, and it would end up a positive life changing experience, they reassured me. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Loran Hills

“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.” ~Shakti Gawain

Keeping a journal has many positive benefits. Journaling can help with personal growth and development. By regularly recording your thoughts you will gain insight into your behaviors and moods.

Journaling can be used for problem-solving and stress reduction. It’s been proven to improve mental and physical health. It can lead to increased self-esteem.

Dr. John Grohol, CEO of Psych Central, estimates that one in three people suffer from a mental illness.  Anxiety disorders, mood disorders and substance abuse can be treated with a combination of medication and counseling.

In addition, writing in a journal is an effective tool for use in the healing process.

I started keeping a diary at age 8. As I grew up, I wrote the normal kinds of teen angst entries but eventually I turned journaling into a more sophisticated practice. In my 20’s I read all of Anais Nin’s Diaries.

I studied Ira Progoff’s At a Journal Workshop and implemented his methods—an elaborate design for generating the energy for change. Using his methods I was able to sort through turbulent emotions during the divorce from my first husband and discover hidden lessons from the experience.

To this day I continue to use some of his techniques as well as others I’ve learned. Recently I’ve discovered a new creative world in art journaling. Using mixed media has helped me express myself in refreshing and unusual ways.

There is a lot of power in the written word but occasionally words are hard to find. By drawing or making a collage I have been able to create a representation of how I feel that moves beyond my analytical writing.

Writing has helped me to process not only failed relationships but also to recover from grief and loss. 

Reading back through my journals has helped me reflect on where I used to be and where I am now in my life. It’s a method of allowing the light of understanding and compassion to shine on my past.

In The Artist’s Way Julia Cameron suggests writing three handwritten pages or 750 words every morning.  At first there is a lot of “dumping” but eventually little jewels of wisdom and direction emerge.  I found myself creatively energized when I participated with a group for 12 weeks using her book as a guide.

If you want to improve your perspective on life and clarify issues, start writing in a journal. 

You can’t know where you’re going if you don’t know where you are. Be sure your journal will remain private or write online so that you are writing for your eyes only.

Here are 10 tips to get started: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Valle, a high school student from Madrid, Spain

“The world is full of suffering. It is also filled with overcoming it.” -Helen Keller

Even though I am just 16, I’ve lived my short life with so much pressure, which I’ve finally realized comes from me.

During my life, I have lived through more challenges than most teenagers, and at times I didn’t think I could handle it.

My life has never been easy. My parents broke up when I was two years old because my father was unfaithful to my mother. It was hard. The rancor between two people can last decades. And now, 14 years later, they have overcome some of their differences, but the bitterness is still here, and so, the suffering too.

For two years in school starting when I was seven, I was battered by my schoolmates. Although I was very young I can remember how hard it was going to school knowing what was waiting to me. Most of the time it was a psychological abuse, and for this reason, it made the effect less obvious.

After this I spent one year totally alone because everyone disregarded me. They made fun of me all the time and that was hard to deal with. Luckily, I found the strength and courage to tell this to my parents.

Sometimes the hardest part of dealing with a difficult problem is acknowledging it. When you recognize your problem, you’ve taken a huge step.

I thought I was on the right track after this, but I still struggled and eventually started suffering with an eating disorder.

Sometimes, the things we do in life seem completely insignificant, and we don’t think about the consequences of our actions. That’s how it was for me—I thought I was limitless.

Like other kids my age, I didn’t want to be a conformist.

Still, I felt I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, friendly enough, or hard-working enough. So I just didn’t care about myself. I wasn’t important.

So, what did I have then? Everything, in fact everything. But I was just too busy abusing myself to recognize it.

During the last year and still now, I am trying to overcome my disease. I am doing this by loving myself and letting others love me too, because if you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to receive love from anyone else. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Adam Alvarado

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~Andre Gide

I’ve lived in Virginia all my life. Pretty much all that I remember at least.

I was a young boy when my parents moved here from Long Island, New York—away from much of our family—because life in the place they had grown up just didn’t provide the opportunities necessary to support a family of six.

Since then, nearly my entire extended family has followed—most of my aunts and uncles, and their children, and their children. And though they may live in Virginia, these older family members remain New Yorkers.

You hear it in their voices, in their attitudes. You see it in the Yankee hats and the Giants jerseys.  They’re so “New York” in fact, that I often jokingly call them Virginian just to watch the comically disgusted looks on their faces.

I’m evil. I know…

And though I myself go back to New York all the time and do enjoy it, I’m just not one of them.

I am not a New Yorker. And though my family may secretly cringe at the thought, it’s true.

I love Virginia. I love it.

I think it’s the most beautiful place. I love all the hills, and the creeks, and the forests. I love how I’m a short drive from bustling young cities around DC and rustic old farms down south. I love how nearly every road has a sign marking some long-forgotten event of the Civil War.

I love the old split-rail fences that frame the historic houses. I love imagining that these forests were once walked by Indians and settlers, Confederates and Unionists.

I was educated here at a university founded by Thomas Jefferson. I graduated on the lawn where he once walked. I lived there on land that was once owned and farmed by James Madison.

This place is so perfect to me, and I love it.

So, Long Island?

Yeesh.

It’s just some place to me—known more in my memory for the countless old car dealerships, and the endless delis, and the fact that no matter how long it’s been since I’ve been there last, it never seems to change at all, as if it’s perpetually 1985.

It’s like people never move there. They only ever move out. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Laura Fenamore

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

With 2012 just starting, New Year’s resolutions are on everyone’s mind.

I’ve never liked the word “resolution.” As defined in the dictionary, resolution means “a firm decision to do or not do something,” and anyone who’s ever done, well, anything knows that life rarely works like that.

I prefer to think of my January decisions as New Year’s Solutions. Defined in the dictionary as “a means of solving a problem or dealing with a difficult situation,” solutions are useful and practical. Thinking about them now helps us find peace in whatever may happen in the year ahead.

The best solution I can think of, and one that is especially helpful after the excess of the holiday season, is letting go.

As a Body Image Coach, I often hear stories from people who decide at the beginning of a year that this will be the one when they’ll be able to fix their bodies.

They want to “fix” themselves; they want to look like their high school pictures or their super fit best friends or whoever’s on the cover of Vogue.

My feedback for all who are constricted by a negative diet mentality: let go.

This seems counterintuitive, ironic, cruel, and maybe even ridiculous. You’ve just connected with a powerful desire about what you want your life to be like, and now I’m going to tell you that you have to move forward completely unattached to the outcome of whether you’ll get the life you want and will now be working toward.

The crux of this philosophy is that in order to get that which we want, we must let go of our need and desire for it.

This may sound impossible, unattainable and completely contradictory; however, this is where freedom lies.

I know firsthand that letting go is the path to freedom and joy. My struggle with weight started when I was a toddler. When I got older, I thought that if I could only lose the extra weight, I would be happy.

I did lose the weight—100 pounds—between my 24^th and 25^th birthdays. I had finally achieved what I thought was my goal; I was thin, so I should be happy, right?

I was more miserable than ever. I was so worried about gaining the weight back, so scared that I might relapse, that I couldn’t enjoy my newfound health.

I was stuck living in fear that the future would not be what I wanted, that I would lose control, that my hard work would be for naught.

It was only when I figured out how to live in the present, how to be focus on the now and not concern myself with worrying about things that had not even yet happened, that I was able to be happy.

After learning to do that, not only was I content for the first time in my life, but I also was able to keep the weight off without worrying about it. I have kept that 100 pounds off for 24 years.

We achieve the life we desire when we begin living for the moment, in the moment, and because of the moment. Finding happiness in this New Year will not be an outcome or a result. It is doing; it is being.

How can your foster this way of being in your life? It begins with looking at those things we desire most and finding the bliss in working toward them in the present—not in achieving them in the future.

Achievement is still the goal, but ironically, you only get there by letting go of the need for it. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Important Note: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen! You can purchase Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions on Amazon.com. Also, be sure to subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails!

The winners:

• DeniseJane2010
• Cd_at_aspenacres
• Printpopceo

Happy almost 2012!

It’s been an exciting year for Tiny Buddha. For one thing, the community has grown, but what I find most exciting is that the number of people sharing their stories and engaging with other people has increased exponentially.

During the first year, I published two posts from the community per week. In January of 2011, submissions slowed down, and I wondered if perhaps I’d need to take a new direction with the blog.

In February, however that all changed, and posts started coming in so frequently that I was able to publish one per day, and oftentimes had to ask people to hold off on submitting so that I could catch up.

That has remained steady all year, and I’m excited to see that countless insightful, helpful, loving conversations have unfolded in the comments, some which included me and others that did not.

Tiny Buddha is what it is because people are willing to be honest about their experiences, and in doing so help others and let them know they are not alone. If you haven’t already, I hope you’ll contribute a post in 2012!

I have learned so much for everyone who has shared themselves here. So here are the top 10 insights of 2011 (based on page views and comments): Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Angela Marchesani

“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down but the staying down.” ~Mary Pickford

Well, the little blue line was undeniable, and the circumstances unforgettable.

It was Black Friday 2007, after a full day of work during which my nausea rendered me so useless that my coworkers insisted I buy a pregnancy test on my way home.

And there was a line.

But no spouse. No ring. No house. Just a freshly-issued Master’s Degree and the gamut of emotions that come with an unexpected pregnancy.

Surprisingly, I felt excited to be a mother.

But I feared what others would think. I was not convinced I could manage on my own. And I questioned how this choice would impact my child for the rest of his life.

Two potential life paths loomed in my mind’s eye, possibilities for my future after this momentous event:

Path A projected a life of pain and struggle, feeling ostracized from society and working tirelessly to make ends meet while my child fended for himself and fell in with the wrong crowd as a substitute for his overwhelmed and unavailable mother.

Path B presented the option of a life where “mistakes” are blessings, and my son and I could grow close together with the support of a village of loving friends and family while I focused on our bond and our health, using all of the resources available to me and constantly bettering our lives.

Clearly, “Path A” came from a place of fear and shame. Until this event, I didn’t make mistakes. I was always the one who was steadfast and predictable, cautious and planned.

So this rocked my world.

Thankfully.

Because that vision of Path A had haunted me and inhibited me for my entire life, in different ways. Path A was always the worst-case scenario of what might happen if I veered off the beaten path, whether intentionally or by “mistake.” The possibility of Path A prevented me from actually living my life. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Fiona Robyn

“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” ~Joan Borysenko

I had a terrible morning. I needed to make a short YouTube video to promote my therapy practice, and I thought it would take twenty minutes at the most.

The technology was more complicated than I thought. I struggled on, wanting to do it by myself. Half an hour later, I surrendered and asked my husband Kaspa for help.

Two hours later, we were still trying to make it work.

I started thinking about all the other things I was meant to be doing that morning. A tense knot formed in my stomach. I started snapping at Kaspa—if only he knew how to make it work, I’d be finished by now. Grr!

I finally finished the video (with the help of a very patient husband!), but I was in no state to do any more work. I felt panicky and rushed, and my brain kept talking me through the list of all the things I needed to catch up on, like a stuck record.

Once I allow myself to get into this kind of state, it takes me a while to “come down” again.

After some time sitting at my desk and feeling agitated, I decided to go out into the garden. I walked slowly up the path, noticing the bang of my heart. I looked at the baby pink roses, the inner-most petals still holding onto drops of dew. I heard the clear song of a blackbird. I took a deep breath. And another.

These are the things that help me when I get panicky. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Cat Li Stevenson

“Each time you stay present with fear and uncertainty, you’re letting go of a habitual way of finding security and comfort.” ~ Pema Chodron

Being the thought-out planner with a neatly plotted road map—and a compass tightly gripped in one hand, pointing due north—I cringe a bit (okay, a lot actually) at the thought of changing direction, being adventurous, and going off the beaten path.

I’ve purposefully designed my external life for security—the cushy job, maximizing the 401K, additional streams of income to insulate the extra-super-comfy-security, a large home for a future family, long-time childhood friends, and a solid marriage.

I am deeply grateful for all of these and, on most days, find pride that my focused, linear thinking has created a surrounding of comforts.

As I venture further on this journey, though, I realize that anchoring ourselves with an abundance of security can actually become a dangerous habit.

It can create an attachment that prevents us from being fully awake.

My straight-path mindset hadn’t really prepared me for an off-roading adventure. I held a belief that if I softened my resistance to allow things to go in a direction other than I had planned, this would be a mini-failure of sorts—a “giving in” to the unknown.

And the unknown, after all, is deeply rooted in scariness, signifying weakness, giving up, having no direction. It’s not secure, and far, far from safe.

Or so I had thought.

Sometimes we can be blindly walking down a path and then an obstacle, a detour, or a sharp turn appears, asking us to expand our mind and heart to see and feel differently.

This past year, I found myself becoming a security-junky of sorts, as I would not allow for an unforeseen change to enter my life.

I would stand firmly at the arrival of this unwelcome circumstance with crossed arms and a tremendous amount of resistance. I held tightly onto my compass, my road map pressed against my chest, and didn’t want to let go. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Cheryl B. Engelhardt

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

After four years, four months and seven days of a long distance relationship with a mountain guide (between my NYC apartment and Maine, northern New Hampshire, Jackson Hole, WY, and various other parts of mountainous America), I was at the end of my rope, so to speak.

Being slightly older than him, and much less capable of handling the gaps of two to five weeks between seeing each other, I suddenly felt a strong urge to move on. I was craving the next part of my life, whether with him, or without.

For months leading up to September 21st, 2011, I was constantly wanting more from him and blaming him when he couldn’t or wouldn’t give it. To me, “more” meant traveling more to see me, spending more time and arguing less when we were together (despite the immense amount of pressure I put on every visit), and communicating with me more often when we were apart.

Constantly terrified I would lose him, I was hanging on to something I wasn’t sure I wanted, or perhaps wanted for the wrong reasons. In my over-analysis of it all, I was becoming lonely, desperate, and depressed.

I was barely surviving the relationship, let alone thriving, which is what I really wanted. I couldn’t force the result I wanted, and I felt powerless. I figured it wasn’t meant to be.

But when we were together, it felt like we were.

Then I felt the crazy creeping in. (Yes, more than it already had.) At some point in the fog, it became clear to me that I was completely attached to a single outcome—that he would change his life to fit mine.

For years I felt like I had fit into his life (we started dating just a few weeks before I got laid off of my dream job). But what needed to happen was to create one life together. And in order to do that, I needed to get clear on what I wanted for my life, and for our future, because until I did, he would never be good enough. I later learned that acceptance is the first step to thriving with someone.

I started to look at the situation with objective eyes and realized what didn’t work for me and what did.

What didn’t work was seeing each other a total of three months out of the year. What worked was that he had chosen an adventurous and inspiring career, and I accepted that. What didn’t work was to be far away from a major city, specifically New York or Los Angeles, while still developing my music career. What did work was to live in the country only an hour and a half away from New York.

With this new self-awareness and clarity, I was able to pack up my car to go visit him in New Hampshire, and be okay with the fact it could be the last visit. I was ready to let him know my terms, where I was willing to be flexible, and where I knew I had to take care of myself. I was open to the fact that it may not work out. And in that openness, there was room to choose.

So besides packing up my things for the four-day visit, I packed up his things, from shirts to boxers to a pair of shoes to his rollerblades. (Yes, folks, the boy can rollerblade. He grew up on a river in Maine and ice skated all his life. It’s quite sexy actually.)

When I arrived in New Hampshire, we dove into a deep conversation about our future. For the first time, I was not telling him what I thought he wanted to hear. I was clear, I was powerful, and all the while, I was not making him wrong or blaming him for anything.

My communication came across clearly. We were able to create what a “day in the life of us” really looked like. After creating that, I cried. I had been so focused on how it wasn’t ever going to work that I wasn’t able to imagine the wonderful ways it could. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

UPDATE: Please note the pre-order promotion for the Peace and Purpose Bonus Pack has now expired now that the book is officially available for purchase.

As you may have noticed from the various ads, tweets, and Facebook updates, I’ve been running a promotional campaign over the past month leading up to today—the official on-sale date for my first book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me! It’s my first book, and there have been lots of lessons and surprises along the way. For example…

Originally I understood that books would officially ship from Amazon starting today, but it turns out they’ve been shipping over the last week. That means some of you may have already received your books.

If you did, be sure to forward your confirmation email to bookbonus(AT)tinybuddha(DOT)com to receive the free digital bonus items! I apologize if this wasn’t clear in the email I sent last week (which included the 9 reasons listed below).

If you’d like to write a review on Amazon, I would greatly appreciate that!

If you haven’t ordered yet, today (December 8, 2011) is the last day to receive the digital items in the Peace and Purpose Bonus Pack ($150 value) for free.

For those of you who didn’t receive this email last week, I’d like to share with you these 9 reasons to order Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions today:

1. If you pre-order today, you will receive the Peace and Purpose Bonus Pack (a $150 value) for free. I made it a point to include bonus items that support the content in the book, including several workbooks and meditations. This means you won’t receive dozens of long eBooks you likely don’t have time to read. Instead you’ll find useful tools that directly relate to the issues I explored in my book. Please note these files are delivered electronically. To receive them, you need to forward your confirmation email to bookbonus(AT)tinybuddha(DOT)com.

2. This is the first book of its kind—with tweets woven throughout. Last year, I asked @tinybuddha followers a number of the most challenging questions in life, like:

• Why is there suffering in the world?
• What’s the meaning of life?
• What does it take to be happy?
• Why are relationships hard?

Since there are very few concrete answers to the big questions, I wanted to explore many varied perspectives to create a guide of possibilities for joy, purpose, and connection.

3. Tiny Buddha is honest, candid, and rooted in reality. Although these tweets shaped the book, I also included a great deal of my own struggles, successes, and insights—far more than I’ve ever revealed on the blog.

From my former battle with depression to my struggles with relationships, I shared how these questions have played out in my own life—and what I’ve learned at each step of the way.

4. This book includes entirely original content. This is not a compilation of posts from the site. Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions covers many similar themes and issues, but I was able to explore each topic far more in-depth than I can in any one blog post.

5. The book includes countless action-oriented tips that you can apply at any time to improve your state of mind. It wouldn’t be a Tiny Buddha book without practical suggestions for healing and happiness.

6. Tiny Buddha has received wonderful advanced reviews. Neil of 1000 Awesome Things wrote, “There’s nothing tiny about the extra-large dose of awesome stuffed into Lori’s writing. Read it and feel good about the world.” And according to Jonathan Fields, “Tiny Buddha is a moving and insightful synthesis of evocative stories and ancient wisdom applied to modern life. Great read!”

7. This book makes a great holiday gift. If you know anyone who enjoys Tiny Buddha—or who is searching for meaning and happiness in life—this book would be a great fit. (And it’s somewhat tiny, so it may even fit in a stocking!)

8. Through this book, you’ll learn a few ideas to:

• Let go of pain from the past that’s been weighing you down and holding you back
• Create a sense of purpose, starting right now, even if you’re not doing what you want to do professionally
• Change habits that have not served you well and open up to new, better ways of being
• Experience happiness right now, regardless of your circumstances
• Improve your relationships
• Seize the moment to live more mindfully, passionately, and fearlessly
• Find a sense of control and empowerment in an uncertain world

9. Lastly, you are a part of this book. Even if you didn’t respond to the questions I tweeted on Twitter, you, as part of the community, shaped this book. This is an exciting time for Tiny Buddha, and your involvement played a huge role in making this possible.

You can order Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or a number of independent book sellers. The book will be available in stores by January 1, 2012.

Thank you for being part of this site. You make a difference, and you’re appreciated!

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Shelley Kim

“It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” -Unknown

My son has chickenpox.

It started a few days ago and today is his third day at home.

As a work at home mom who is her own boss, I’m fortunate that I can be at home with my son instead of having to ask my employer for time off work.

I have been working from home for the past five years with three young children, and it was only just a few weeks ago that my youngest child started school full-time.

I felt that I had reached some sort of milestone, having all three children at school full-time now. But I must say, I was also looking forward to having uninterrupted time at home.

Ever since I was laid off five years ago, I have been struggling to find a good balance with spending time on my home business and raising three children.

Now with my youngest finally off at school, it felt as though I had finally crossed that threshold where I was reclaiming my time back.

Not to become a lady of leisure. Not to go to the gym. Not to go shopping in search of retail therapy.

But, I finally felt as though I had the time, free from the demands of children, to spend on my own business.  I had finally reached that point that I was always trying to get to: being able to work non-stop and to gain the momentum that would hopefully let me move forward in my business.

On discovering that my son had chickenpox a few days ago, I knew I’d have to keep him at home for the rest of this week. It would—temporarily—be a return back to juggling work and childcare for a few days.

Today trying to snatch snippets of time to myself to work, I was reminded only too well how I’d really struggled, especially when the three of my children were at home during the long, long summer break. I would barely sit down at my computer only to have to go and break up a fight or find something or help them with something within thirty minutes.

After lunch today I told my four-year-old son that I had to go upstairs to work for a while and could he please watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for a little while until I got back.

My four-year-old son then said, “I wish I was you Mommy and you were me.” Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Note: This winners for this giveaway have been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The Winners:

• Danielle Didonato
• Paula J.

In my experience, meaningful transformation always starts with some type of epiphany—a realization that suddenly puts life in a new perspective and informs what you need to do from this point forward.

I’ve always been fascinated by these moments, when something suddenly makes sense in a way it didn’t before and change seems much more possible.

With this in mind, I was thrilled to receive a copy of Elise Ballard’s book Epiphany: True Stories of Sudden Insight to Inspire, Encourage, and Transform.

From Amazon:

“Inspiring, thought-provoking, and eye-opening, Epiphany shares deeply intimate stories of people from all walks of life, from public figures like Maya Angelou, Deepak Chopra, Ali MacGraw, and Barry Manilow, to personal acquaintances and lifelong friends, to new contacts made in the most unexpected and serendipitous of circumstances.”

Since this is a long interview, I’m going to jump right in! But first…

The Giveaway

To enter to win 1 of 2 free copies of Epiphany:

• Leave a comment below (you must be a subscriber to win!)
• Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Interview & Book Giveaway: Epiphany by Elise Ballard http://bit.ly/rK4uQG

If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, December 2nd.

The Interview

1. How do you define the word “epiphany”?

In the dictionary, the simplest definition is “a moment of great or sudden revelation.” Since I am asking about people’s greatest epiphanies in life—the biggest ones, the ones that have had the greatest impact—I say an epiphany is “a moment of sudden or great revelation that usually changes your life in some way.”

But when I’ve asked people for their definitions, people define it a myriad of beautiful and accurate ways, such as an opening; a realization; a portal to the Divine; a moment that changes the lens through which you view your life; a clarifying direction; and I love Maya Angelou’s definition: “the occurrence when the mind, the body, the heart and the soul focus together and see an old thing in a new way.” Click Here to Read More…