Hi Anna,
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether expectations are useful or not recently myself. In some ways I think the thing about expectations are that you are attached to the outcome. If the outcome is what you expect then you are satisfied but not joyful, the hole you have created is filled. If the outcome is bad then that hole remains.

With aspirations you are not attached to the outcome. Your standards are still set highand you aim to do well but if success does not occur then you do not mentally beat yourself or others up about it. You dust yourself off and try again. I think possibly aspiration is more in line with hope. I also see that with hope there is an element of trust, as in the definition you gave whereby you have trust that things will work out. I guess a key point here is whether you put that trust in external factors or put the trust in yourself amd empower yourself to take action to make it happen.

Just some thoughts. I’d be keen to hear what others think as I am trying to work out whether expectations are positive or negative things to have myself.

Simon

I would personally approach the situation first from a feeling perspective and only after that try to figure out how to communicate that feeling to others, if necessary. Words are a tool to express yourself, not to limit your experiences. To me it’s not about what I’m supposed to feel, but just to recognize when something might be a bit off and try to steer things towards a healthier approach. I would also say that both words “hope” and “expectation” puts to much emphasis on external things and gives more power to random happenings over yourself. So I wouldn’t really focus on either.

I’ve noticed that when I am at my most healthiest and happiest, I derive joy from my current situation and I trust and look forward to the future. The focus is not on what’s going to happen, but I just know that it’s going to be something great. It’s kind of like feeling gratitude for where I am and where I will be in the same time. Excitement and enthusiasm about life and about being me. When I look back at days when I was not that healthy (I believe the correct term would be “a total mess”), it’s harder to describe, because I was not quite aware of myself. I have realized that in those times I always wanted to escape the current situation and was either scared about the future or didn’t see it clearly at all.

I’ve also realized that trust towards other people and the world and the universe in general is directly linked with the trust that you feel towards yourself. If you trust your own abilities and you know you’re doing the best you can, then you know that no matter what external situations might arise, you’ll always have yourself and you can count on yourself. It’s also easier to respond to unexpected events when you know what you can and can not do.

When you don’t have a good command of your own abilities and you’re not quite in charge of yourself, then the world seems like a much scarier place, because there’s the feeling of loss of control. That’s when people start to try to control their surroundings to have some sense of safety, when in fact, they would gain that feeling just by focusing on getting a good command of their own mind and body.

I know this didn’t exactly answer your question, but I’m a rebel like that 🙂

Actually, you inspired me to think about our fears about the future and it was an epiphany for me to realize how important it is for self-confidence that we know ourselves and what we can and can not do. Not knowing will always introduce an aspect of insecurity. We can’t know what will happen in the future, but we can know who we are and what our abilities are. If we want to improve ourselves, we can. That’s the one thing we can control!

“Hoping” and “expecting” is kind of like passively waiting for something to happen, which would then allow us to get something we want. It’s giving away your power to something else, thinking that only a specific type of outcome or event would finally allow you to be happy. So why not focus on what’s actually in your control and being happy now, and simply trusting that the world works the way it should.

By the way, this is me ruminating again and sharing those thoughts, not me saying that wondering about semantics is wrong 🙂 Believe me, I spend a lot of time thinking about semantics as well! So it does enrich my life when I can see someone else doing what I do and it’s easier for me to see what might be going on. I am learning new things through you and I’m very grateful for that. Thank you.