Dear Mahvash:

You are welcome!

“I feel like there is no reason to be happy and feel like my world has ended“- I am sorry that you feel this way. I felt similarly for a long time.

“I tried a lot to overcome all of this but feel helpless. I keep on thinking about things and don’t know what to do“- it’s really tough to feel helpless, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. To gain clarity and take effective action, it helps to  (1) Break down a (big)  problem into smaller, manageable pieces. Focusing on one aspect at a time can make it feel less overwhelming, (2) Identify your needs, values, and goals in your marriage and otherwise.

“I feel like my husband doesn’t respect and love me at all…  I feel like maybe I don’t have any good qualities even though I earn good and support my family. I can’t keep my heads off from this thinking which is affecting my overall mental health… I feel like I am getting insulted and disrespected by my husband and don’t know how to ignore and come out of this“-

– notice you wrote “I feel like my husband doesn’t respect and love me at all… I feel like I am getting insulted and disrespected by my husband”. Your feelings are important. There are valid reasons for how you feel. I would like to understand your reasons better, therefore I ask: can you share an example or a few examples of disrespectful and/ or insulting words or behavior on his part?

“If you can suggest anything that would be great help“- 1- Be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel uncertain and take time to make decisions. Self-compassion is crucial during difficult times.

2-  Prioritize your physical health by getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and staying active. Physical well-being can have a significant impact on mental health.

3.  Over time, patiently identify * your needs, values and goals, * the specific problems in your marriage, * possible underlying issues that may be contributing to your feelings (past experiences often influence how we perceive others’ actions in the present time).

4. Consider all options that are available to you, including the potential outcomes of each: this can help you be &  feel more informed and empowered to make a choice, or choices.

5. Take small, actionable steps toward solutions. Taking action, even in small ways, can lead to positive change and a sense of empowerment.

6. Remind yourself of your strengths, your  accomplishments, your positive qualities, such as the one you mentioned (“I earn good and support my family“), and congratulate yourself for every step you take toward a better life.

7. Reach out to supportive friends and family (if any exist)/ to support groups perhaps, for a sense of belonging and support. I am here to listen to you empathetically and without judgment: it may help you to feel less alone.

In the beginning of my reply, I shared that I felt similarly for a long time. I feel way better than I used to feel back then. There is hope and you don’t have to face this alone. Healing takes time, but with the right support, you can work towards finding a measure of happiness and new meaning.

anita

Hi Mahvash

I have been going through relationship difficulties of my own. So I have some suggestions from that perspective.

Are there any stressors affecting the relationship? Does he have any complaints?

What kind of person is your husband? Is he a generally good person or not? Is this something that he is willing to work on?

Spending time with people who value, love and respect you is essential. You deserve emotional support about your difficulties with your husband. Find someone to talk to about it.

It sounds like you’re dealing with this kind of behaviour a lot. The more time you can spend away from your husband, the better in that case.

I went on antidepressants and beta blockers for the depression and anxiety. It helped me to cope.

Couples counselling has been helpful. Individual therapy could be good too.

Do you have a hobby that you enjoy? You deserve to find joy outside of your difficulties.

The way I think about my husband’s difficulties it is like he is sick. When he is tired and stressed he is crankier. This is the same for many people.

Make sure he eats regularly. Emotional regulation is wonky when people haven’t eaten in a while.

There is no reason that is okay for someone to treat another person the way that your husband treats you. Don’t blame yourself.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Mahvash

Thank you for your kind words!

I’m happy to hear that you are receiving support from a therapist, your friends and your family, and this community. I truly hope that things get better for you. ❤️

Please feel free to write here, whenever you would like to!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

How are you, Mahvash?

anita

Dear Mahvash: good to read that you are doing good. Lots of love back to you! Please write anytime you feel like it: I am here, wanting to read from you again and again, and reply every time.

anita