Hi Eric

Sorry for the late reply, I’ve been busy.

Realistically, do you think there are any changes your family can make to your Chinese New Year celebrations? Is there anything that you would like to do differently when your girlfriend is coming over?

Imagining scenarios that couldn’t possibly happen only increases anxiety. Approaching situations realistically using your problem solving skills is an important skill to practice to help manage your anxiety.

It sounds like you want this year to be special, do you have any ideas how to achieve that?

hi Eric

Did anyone ever tell you that you are clingy and that isn’t attractive? Nor is making someone your emotional pin cushion because you feel lonely?

Get a hobby. Let her do her thing. Otherwise you’re anxious ridden git that needs psychological help.

christ

So I’m a science guy (psych guy to be exact) and we have these hypotheses about things and we create conclusions about things based on the presentation in an environment.

I will now prove you are a clingy putz that should be nowhere near a relationship until you get therapy (or a slap to the face whichever)

So it’s me that are clingy?

That’s correct. You are a funny kind of clingy dude that assumes that if they put in the bare minimum that a relationship will be okay. Dismissing the fact that your partner is busy. And that you blew her off by going to a family function to spend time with her – what type of friend are you honestly?

Putz

My assumptions was wrong about relationships

that’s also correct. Your assumptions are wrong and well … you make a donkey of yourself doing that. Relationships are more than just bare minimum of I send a text that’s the best I can do. It’s barely the beginning. Why not surprise her? Why not take time out to learn her interests. Why is everything about you ? What about her feelings you putz

I mean like isnt relationship about maintaining communication and understanding each other? Right now it feels like she regards me more as a friend than a lover….

there are many methods of communication and interacting with people. Okay you send a text big deal. What else did you do besides kvetch about how she isn’t interested in you because she didn’t do exactly what you wanted to do to her.

secondly so what if she regards you as a friend? Are you under some sort of assumption that at the heart of a relationship isn’t friendship? Seriously is this your first relationship? I mean how old are you mate ?

best relationships do start out as friendships and maybe it’s a good opportunity to get to know her as one so you can build trust in yourself and your partner. Instead of kvetching like a child.

putz

Maybe u are right, i am not attractive enough…. It is always been this way…

never called you ugly but maybe you are an ugly sack of crap. Guess what? They get very attractive women too. Ugly never stopped anyone from being in a relationship. Get out of your pity party and grow up quick

putz

Today i have a date with her and i feel very one sided, like she doesnt ask me for hugs or holding hands… i was the one asking, usually she’s the one asking

Who in the bloody alps asks their girlfriend for a hug??? This isn’t Japan in the 90s or is it and I got lost in a time warp. If you want to hug pretty sure you can if it’s something that you both agreed to. Don’t be some sort of creep with it. You can hug your girlfriend.

get out of your own head you putz

so I’m going to call bs on this – you don’t cherish her or love her. BUT here are some possibilities of what you do have:

• you may be physically attracted to her
• you may like an idea of what she represents (someone who likes you for you and you enjoy that)
• you only like that idea on YOUR terms. Any thing related to her life and her existence you want to give it up

this is a lot of things but it isn’t love. Why do I say this? It’s not me saying it. It’s you saying this.

for instance

I really really wanna be with her….

I wanna cherish and love her….

Yet you didn’t want to be with her during a family function when she asked (wasn’t your scene or whatever nonsense you tell yourself)

You’re now saying she may move which may happen. It may not happen yet you’re already saying for some reason you can’t handle a LDR when there may not be evidence that may occur.

you’re trying to psyche yourself on both extremes – treating her like a plaything for yourself but any amount of effort you balk because fear one fear two fear three.

has she provided any evidence for this fear? Honestly I’m not seeing it. And let’s assume she does. So what? That’s the roll of the dice in a relationship. Anything can happen but you trust yourself you trust your partner because you have a foundation of trust as individuals and a relationship.

you don’t trust yourself and you don’t trust her. How can you realistically say you cherish or love her as a person when you have no trust in her or yourself?

frankly you don’t. Cut your losses break up and work on yourself.