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How do i heal and let go of guilt?

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  • February 15, 2018 at 7:27 am #192641
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear crawford:

    I am glad you posted this. You wrote: “I’m in constant bondage” and “I’m literally slowly dying from within”. This is a very high price to pay for 1500 euros or 5500 euros or even 55000 euros.

    Is there a number of euros high enough to make living in constant bondage and slowly dying from within worthwhile?

    And do you think it is to her benefit to have you in her life, a person in bondage, a person slowly dying from within?

    anita

    February 15, 2018 at 8:44 am #192667
    Mark
    Participant

     

    You wrote:

    she is the victim of my narcissistic behavior 

    i’m feeling numb at this point. I don’t want to be an asshole anymore, but i can’t stop it

     I am feeling very ashamed of the things i have done, and i don’t know how to get over it.

    What are you doing in addressing your narcissism?   You can Google how to cure or at least mitigate your underlying issues that drive your narcissism.

    I believe that whatever shameful thing you have done and that she is holding over you cannot be worth the perpetual dysfunctional misery that you are constantly living day-by-day.

    What is the cost of having your truth revealed?  I suspect it is not as costly as living the lie now.

    Mark

    February 15, 2018 at 11:06 am #192717
    crawford
    Participant

    I just don’t know how to get away from her at this point. As i wrote above, i am the only one she feels like she can talk to. Her best friend died, and her gran dad too. And she uses the loneliness she has to meet me more, and when i don’t do what she wants she starts guilt-tripping me about how i should be there for her, and that she does not want fake-friends and that she does not have anyone to turn too. She also loves me a lot, and wants to be my girlfriend. I have told her i only want to be friends, but that did not help. She still asks me to be for her exactly as much as she did when i was her boyfriend. I told her about my confused feeling about my sexuality, but still makes me do stuff i don’t want and she knows it. I don’t know why she is willing to live in a illusion at this point, when she can hear hat i am not intrested in her and when she tells she loves me i cant say anything back or when i don’t i also feel guilty. I really just don’t know if i can be her friend anymore, because i don’t really like her and i don’t know how to express it. How can i leave her without being rude and really make her understand. Is there not a good old saying that you should never leave someone which loves you? But i don’t love her back..

    February 16, 2018 at 3:14 am #192771
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear crawford:

    This relationship you have been having with this young woman is a sick relationship, and has been bad for you and bad for her.

    You lied to her, used her money deceitfully, had sex with her even though you didn’t want to, faked it. She on the other hand guilt tripped you (“when I don’t do what she wants she starts guilt-tripping me”). She knows you don’t want to do things and doesn’t mind pressuring you to do those things (“she makes me do stuff I don’t want and she knows it”)

    You did wrong to her and she did wrong to you. Overall you harmed each other. Better stop it. Better end this relationship for the benefit of the two of you. If you want, you can give her or later send her some of the money she gave you or spent on you, as restitution. Or not. But end it kindly and completely. It is the right thing to do.

    anita

     

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