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How passive are you?

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  • December 8, 2015 at 9:53 pm #89286
    jock
    Participant

    You say your anxiety is the problem or it might be depression. Well I’ve had both of these, especially anxiety. But if I look back now, passivity played a big part too.
    If I look back now I see:
    –miracle thinking– I’m lonely. Maybe a miracle will save me. Someone will just knock on my door and say”Jack you are my long lost friend”
    or that miracle job will just appear out of nowhere. Employers, bowing and scraping at my feet, fighting for the chance to have me as their employee.
    –letting others dominate a conversation under the belief that I was being polite and helping someone who hadn’t been listened to for a while. Well, there might be some truth in that but if you aren’t getting listened to a conversation, you’d better change the subject or move on and away. Don’t let other people waste your time.
    –trusting other people to lead you in the right direction. OK sometimes we have let others lead us but gradually you see that you are sacrificing your own agenda for others. Learn to lead yourself. Don’t be afraid of the leadership role.

    Being passive gets us into trouble. We need to take an active part in creating a happy life for ourselves. Learn to trust your own instincts, your own decisions.

    • This topic was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by jock.
    • This topic was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by jock.
    December 9, 2015 at 4:47 am #89293
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi jack,

    I totally agree. The worst is when you are passive and don’t know it ~ and then you are later pressured to believe that your instincts are wrong (of “Hmmm, something is off”)! But because you’ve been passive for so long it’s hard to get out of it gracefully without making a scene or you being the “bad guy”! And then when you tell other people they look at you funny ~ because they wouldn’t get in that situation to begin with!

    One Life Lesson I’ve learned: There are the Askers and the People Who Never Ask. I am a person Who Never Asks!! Guess who gravitates towards me? LOL!

    Best,

    Inky

    December 9, 2015 at 7:49 am #89298
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    Another excellent thread! Second in a row, with good insight I wish I had long, long ago. Miracle Thinking, very much part of my life, in the past. Absolutely. Helped with great day dreaming but got me nowhere and fast in real life. Letting others dominate a conversation and lead me, letting others dominate my life, very true to my history. I am still shaking off the spider webs of that one, so to speak. Taking leadership of my own life, KEY. Dittos and Thumbs Up for a great post. I hope others read and take it to heart and mind.

    anita

    December 9, 2015 at 7:53 pm #89358
    jock
    Participant

    L’il ol threadmaker me. 🙂
    thanks inky and anita.
    it’s been hard because passivity comes so naturally to me. I was rewarded for passive behaviour as a child. There were plenty of active leaders amongst my older siblings.
    Goes hand in hand with people-pleasing. Not being a burden. Don’t steal the limelight.
    Perhaps that explains my borderline narcissistic behaviour on here! 🙂 I’m just catching up..

    December 9, 2015 at 8:02 pm #89360
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    I was wondering where you are and was reading one of your poems. And here you are! The word “compliant” you wrote was the word your mother used to describe you as a child, so it has been a long time of being compliant, passive. Such a long time. Glad you are making up for it! Not long ago I was so sad for all the time, the decades I lost in illness, really, when life could have been so much better for me… but lately I am getting the sense of what reality is:

    Tonight, all I have is this very night (your mid day, Jack) and maybe I will have tomorrow morning.

    And this is ALL i ever had. At any time in the past, all I had was that night and maybe the morning after. there was never: I have fifty years, day one, day two… year three, etc. This is AFTER the fact. At any time, this IS all I have.

    And, so I believe, you have, all you have is this day, Thursday, and maybe tonight, and maybe Friday morning. And so it goes. My point is…

    You don’t have to be compliant or passive today just because you have been so for so long. There is no law. Nobody is going to punish you for lack of… compliancy, even if there was such a word. Nobody is taking notes: how compliant is Jack today?

    Catch up, Jack!
    anita

    December 9, 2015 at 8:07 pm #89365
    jock
    Participant

    cheers anita
    you’re a legend!

    December 9, 2015 at 8:13 pm #89370
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    I want to … print the You’re a legend comment but I need a poem to go with it, a poem, you know, stating I am a legend. Can you… no, just kidding, really. Just kidding.

    anita

    December 9, 2015 at 8:17 pm #89372
    jock
    Participant

    Is anita a legend?
    or just a myth?
    I’m looking for a word
    that goes with
    “with”

    December 9, 2015 at 8:22 pm #89380
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Good enough, and my printer has new ink, so here it goes…
    anita

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