How to accept my face and how i look?

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    This is a very hard subject for me to talk about and I feel ashamed about even having to think about this. I have been struggling for a very long time with how I look and feelings of jealousy about how other people look. It is especially my face that I have the hardest time accepting, and it is affecting my emotions and self-confidence and everyday experience. I happen to be gay and it might be a slight reason for why I am so focused on how I look, none of my straight friends care too much about their looks and I am always thinking about my appearance and hair. I check my self in the mirror all the time and I can see so many bad things about my face and hair. I am the oldest brother in our family and for some reason, I am the only one with a very skinny face. The last couple of years my face has started to sink in for some reason, which has me have hollow cheeks/sunken cheeks which looks unnatural and has made me even more self-conscious about my face. Somedays I have a good hair day which makes me more relaxed and my facial expression more relaxed but most days I have a very hard time accepting my face and looking in the mirror. And as already mentioned, my face has started to look deformed in my opinion, I am only 21 and for some reason, my cheeks are sinking in like on old men and I have rashes and discoloring to my cheek area. I am not sure what is causing this but it does not get better. How do I heal my face, it looks tired and old and rashed and dry. I have tried multiple creams, lotions, moisturizers but they all seem to make it worse and add to my face looking worse. I really need help, since this is one of the only factors left for me to feel happy and confident.


    Hello Crawford, I understand how difficult it is to not be comfortable with the way you look.  I struggle with it as well, and have for years.  For me, I realize that I love my friends, family, boyfriends, etc, regardless of the way they look, so why am I so hard on myself.  It’s interesting how we do that.  I do think we “look” at our reflection more intently than others, so of course, we will find something “wrong,” when in reality those differences are what make us unique and who we are.  I also grew up in a home without a love of praise or help with worthiness, which probably doesn’t help.  I don’t know who you are, but I feel that you have a sensitive and caring heart.  I would try to focus on that part of you, which is so great.  I know you have many great parts.  If you wanted, you could always talk to a dermatologist, but I don’t think that will help the way you feel inside.  I actually got surgery on a part of me I disliked, and I have regret surrounding that, being now that I am older, I realize that it was part of my uniqueness.  I don’t know if this helps, but realize that you aren’t alone, that you are a good person and have so much to offer to the world.  Your face shape is such a small part of who you really are.  I don’t mean to discount your feelings, because they are honest and truthful, but know you are loved, important, and a part of this world for a reason.


    Dear crawford:

    Welcome back. Stress/ distress takes a toll on how our face looks. Relaxed, a face looks so much better than when distressed. More effective than cosmetic products is relaxing. Guided meditations, yoga, aerobic exercise, walks in nature, pleasant socializing, listening to relaxing music… these things can help you relax.

    Taking practical steps so to solve significant conflicts in your life, will resolve the distress involved in such conflicts.

    I hope to read more from you.



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