Hi JuliaM,

I don’t think you sound off-balance at all. This is a painful experience.

Do you have any gut instincts as to why she initially pulled away from you? What was happening in both of your lives when you first noticed that she was distancing herself?

B

Hi JulieM

It sounds to me as if your friend no longer needs the same level of support from you that she once did.  This is probably why she has started to distance herself from you.  You should not take this as a slant but be grateful for the friendship that you have shared over those three years before the dynamics changed.  You clearly have a lot to offer people who are going through vulnerable times – being able to relate to them on an emotional level.  Don’t under-rate this.

You don’t come across as an introvert.  You have asserted yourself by trying to get at the root of the problem and don’t forget that you were able to make those friends in the first place.  If your friend is insincere within the group, she will be found out soon enough.

As you love walking and back-packing, I suggest that you try to find a walking group within your area and join them for a few excursions.  It doesn’t have to be anything ‘heavy’ – just people getting together to share their common interest.  Also, there are always plenty of courses and groups running which you can become involved in which will either further your current interests or allow you to take up something new.  Is volunteering an option for you?  Switch your focus from this one group which may have passed its ‘sell by date’ and expand your horizons.

Mark has said it in his last paragraph.  Love yourself exactly as you are (who else can you be?), be secure in your own skin, count all your good qualities and know that you are every bit as good/worthwhile/valuable as anyone else who exists on this earth.  This is a new chapter in your life – make it one that fills you with joy and happiness!

Peggy

Dear JuliaM:

I don’t know if you are interested in digging deeper or looking more into  it, but if you do, then here is where I am puzzled: the friendship with this woman died out inexplicably, you don’t know why, maybe because you “dive into the deeper end of things” and she prefers “a more light hearted ‘fun’ person”, you suggested.

The first boyfriend you shared about in 2016, you believed his behavior toward you was very loving and you were surprised when he told you that he didn’t love you. Regarding your recent (perhaps current) boyfriend, you wrote that the two of you have grown “a steady, supportive trusting love… he is the first partner.. where I’ve felt entirely supported, accepted, and loved“, but then in the same post (previous thread)  you wrote that he is “pretty closed off about his own emotions/ thoughts.. very physically restraint (i.e. does not touch me unless I ask). Our physical intimacy has never blossomed naturally and the past couple of months it’s dried up all together”.

– It is almost as if your subjective experience of intimacy, be it in a friendship or a love relationship is separated or removed from the reality of the friendship/ relationship, maybe there is some disconnect.

Look at the previous thread, you felt “entirely supported, accepted, and loved” in a relationship that “never blossomed naturally”, see?

Again, my purpose of brining this up is in case you think there is something here to look into and maybe learn from (?)

anita