Hi all,

I have been with my partner for 4yrs now and things have been rough partly because we are so different in many ways and partly cos of stuff he has seriously done wrong. Tho’ I have finally put all that behind me as he has changed quite alot.
I have also changed for him in certain ways but there’s one thing I can’t seem to change and thats being able to stop going on after a row a day later. I don’t usually start it again tho’ I just am usually feeling completely low because when we have rows what he says hurts me quite alot. Am often threatened with “he can’t do this anymore”. Or pointing the finger at me saying “I don’t want us”, when have said nothing of the sort.
We did nearly split for good couple wks ago, so things are still abit hard, but I put my all into it and one of the things I asked him to try was to cut down moaning and thinking am going against him when am not doing that intentionally. Like yesterday as an example. I asked my daughter to put her coat on as it was cold, and he said in a real snidey, horrible tone. “Oh here we go”, and saying she didn’t need coat on. And that I was going against him!!
I can’t even feel like I can go away on holiday with him incase we have rows like this. But would like to.
Today I woke worrying about it all and wondering can I carry on like this, specially when I have done everything he asked me to the past fortnight. And he had a go at me, and ended up saying “I can’t do us” cos he can’t understand that I can’t just drop things and switch off like a robot like he can. So because I can’t, I then say well maybe you shouldn’t have asked me what the matter was if you know am going to go on about stuff again. Then he says, its all what I want!!! And I said no its not, am thinking of you cos you don’t like me going on”. I just can’t win with him. In end its now left cos I can’t drop things for least a day or put on a smiley face, that he won’t ask me from now on. I said I dunno if that will work but can try.
I mainly asking how I can let go of things from day before. He won’t and cannot change me completely. I can accept that he doesn’t seem to care next day of what was said day before so why can’t he accept me for who I am? I can’t go round pretending that everything is fine when I am not feeling it. What does everyone else do after a row? Do all the ppl here let go next day and carry on as if nothing happened???
Guess it hurt me more this time cos I done nothing but try and to me he isn’t in what I asked of him. All i know at mo is that this really is the last time I can try because I can’t keep getting hurt, it makes me anxious, can’t sleep properly. Its even affected my health over the months and he is always the one out loud saying he can’t do this anymore. Thing is I know most of time he doesn’t mean it. He just says it. If he says it now, I just say fine bye then, cos it doesn’t scare me anymore. And I know it is a way of trying to control. Which he will never do with me.
Hope someone has some suggestions here. And I really would like to know how ppl let go of a row after hurtful stuff been said.
Thanks.