how to get closure over feelings of hurt

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 6 months ago by Manders.

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June 19, 2017 at 3:01 pm #154044

chaosed
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I am currently overweight. As a side note, I suffer from OCD.

I want to lose weight and I am determined to do it.

I don’t know how to get closure over all the feelings of hurt I got over time over my weight issues. They hurt me so much, I’ve gone through so much pain, and it’s something I feel I’ll never get comfort for. Somehow, if you are overweight, you don’t have a right to feel bad for it, because it’s your fault, right?

I just feel like I want to make the people who hurt me suffer so much for how they made me feel. Miserable.

I feel like I’ll never get closure, I’ll never forgive them, for making me feel so bad for the way I look, essentially. (even though they bring up that pathetic excuse called health)

I feel like I’ll just be skinny and unhappy if I were to lose weight. I’ll just feel like retreating into the woods at the thought of how society works and how shallow everybody is.

They say they want what’s best for me, when all I want is to be listened and understood and told I am not just a piece of meat. I don’t know how it would help me for them to make me feel bad and tell me something everyone else knows.

June 20, 2017 at 8:12 am #154190

Anonymous
Guest

Dear chaosed:

I can’t think of a situation when it is okay to make fun of a person, to ridicule, belittle, and make fun of a person. To make fun of a person for something they do not choose is very cruel and it hurts, a whole lot.

The history of individuals making fun of others for their physical appearance, from being too short, too thin, too heavy, too hairy, too bald, too dark, too light, etc., etc., is a long, long history that has and is leaving behind lots of victims, lots of misery.

Very few people choose to be overweight (ex. certain sports), not many people are indifferent about being significantly overweight. The great majority of significantly overweight people do not choose it. And yes, everyone knows it is unhealthy: the weight loss industry has made sure everyone knows.

The reasons for being significantly overweight are a complex mix of high accessibility and availability of foods, of many kinds of foods, an endless variety, many designed to stimulate the desire to eat more, supersize portions promoted, advertisement, constant bombardment of images of food everywhere, it being sold in every store, every corner, sedentary, modern lifestyle, the biological build in mechanism of animals being motivated to eat as much as possible when food (sugary, mostly) is available- because such availability is rare in nature.

Everyone should stop making fun of significantly overweight people, including overweight people who put themselves down for their weight. It needs to stop- the world will be a better place for it.

I hope you post again with more of your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps other members will comment. This is an important topic. I would like to try and answer the question in the title of your thread, perhaps after, hopefully, reading more from you.

anita

June 20, 2017 at 9:43 am #154240
Mark
Participant
Hi chaosed,

Perhaps you are going wrong when you focus on making those who hurt you suffer. I don’t think wishing harm onto others is good for our lives. I think the main thing is to focus on what you can do. You can lose weight. You don’t have to make yourself miserable. I think we all want to see immediate changes, but losing weight can be a positive, gradual change. A smart 200 calorie decision a day, a walk instead of drive. Decide you want to be and take a step toward that person each day.

I have also noticed society is becoming increasingly shallow. It bothered me for a while, but then it had the opposite effect on me and made me not care anymore. I basically assume people don’t think very highly of me or my appearance, and then I still try to be a good person anyway. It helped me start to just forget about myself. Don’t let society change you. Become who you want to be.

I also noticed something pretty cool — the more I focus on other people, and not myself, the more positive changes are happening to my life. Maybe you can choose a person to help and focus on the good you are doing, and not on yourself and your problems.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.
June 21, 2017 at 4:59 am #154352
Inky
Participant
Hi chaosed,

What I’ve noticed is most women put in a huge amount of life energy, time and money to be thin. That in itself would make one unhappy. And then here they see us (I’m in the same boat, sister!) come down the pike, all fat and happy. And they’re all “How dare you be happy and do your own thing and not care, you haven’t paid your dues! I’ll remind you that you should be miserable if fat!”

Then you have the young, entitled guys who watch too much media. They see fat guys in sitcoms married to gorgeous models. And they’re all average, and they’re all like, “Where’s my model?” Then you have the middle aged guys whose lives are basically never going to change and they know it, and they’re all “I’ve NEVER had a model” and then they see us walk along, all fat and happy. And we’re not interested in them (or even thought of them) and they know it, and, well.. We must “pay” right?

The good news is that the older we get, the less people mess with us. We should wear clothes that we love, do the things we love, eat amazing food. And eat healthy and exercise because we want to, not because it will supposedly make our bodies do our bidding. And like the above poster said, Do good anyway. We are walking angels, only visiting this planet for such a short time. Let’s strive to be happy. Then only time I’ve put people down is when I’ve been desperately unhappy deep down. Feel sorry for them.

Inky
- This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
June 21, 2017 at 5:22 am #154358
Inky
Participant
Edit: On the chance you’re a guy and not a girl, the below paragraph (above) is the same. With exercise, it does help with our form and muscle tone. If you’re a big biker dude in leather who obviously lifts weights no one will say anything.

As for me, a woman, I’m entering the Tough Old Broad category. All I need to do now is lift weights, crack gum and get a visible tattoo and my own mother wouldn’t mess with me. And bonus! I’d get the biker dude if I were single! HA!
- This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
June 21, 2017 at 7:30 pm #154490

Manders
Participant

You want to be appreciated for who you are no matter what your weight is. I understand I too have battled with weight issues. Now my 10-year-old niece is very heavy and I have to bite my tongue to say not anything about her weight or eating habits. It just bothers me that her youth will be more difficult for her . Kids are mean.

Try to focus on self love and not looking outwards for approval. I know that’s easier said than done it takes some work. Try to remember that other peoples actions and comments arent just about you, it’s about them. Try to think of forgiving them and let go of The negative feelings you have. They serve you no purpose. Remember we are all worthy. But if it would make you feel better perhaps write them a letter telling them how you feel?

Smokers light up knowing it can kill them but feel they can’t quit. Alcoholics drink. It’s about numbing feelings, trying to fill a void.
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