Home→Forums→Tough Times→How to get your priorities in order while everything is falling apart~
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July 13, 2018 at 11:19 am #216565
BellaParticipantHi Anita,
Where can I read about you & your life… I have read a few when I see a picture of one of the Tiny Buddha Members when they write a bit about there Biography. (Usually short)…Do you have one?
I didn’t know if you had to keep the post focused on what you receive, or if you can elaborate on yourself & your life if asked…
I would like to know more about you my Friend…
I must say this has been a very difficult summer for me and I have managed to survive with your Help~
Bella~
July 13, 2018 at 2:04 pm #216573
AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
I didn’t place a profile (never occurred to me to do so). I started posting here I think late 2014 or it may have been 2015. All my posts are on record here. I think there are 607 pages of these Forums since 2013, before I showed up. In the past I gave my email address to two or three members but it did not work for me, not at all. Following those experiences I no longer communicate with members outside these Forums and I adhere to this policy. My friendship with you then is in the context of this website and not outside of it.
I am here on this website to learn and to heal from a lifetime of misery and dysfunction. My motivation when connecting with members is to participate in Win-Win interactions, win for me, and win for the other member. I am not here to socialize. I am here with a mission, a life purpose really, and that is to be engaged on an ongoing basis healing and learning.
There are no length or time limits to threads here that I know about. And so, our communication can go on maybe for as long as the website exists. I will soon be away from the computer for about 12 hours. Hope to read from you soon.
anita
July 13, 2018 at 4:03 pm #216585BellaParticipantHi Anita,
So sorry to hear about your bad experience with giving your e-mail & communication outside the realm of things…I would really like to know more about your life as you do mine. But I fully understand & that is why I asked if it were allowed. A lot of fruit cakes on this earth.
I have been reading a few other posts & I feel most on the site are genuine. Then again, you never know. I belong to a few cat groups, which stems from my animal rescue in the past & really enjoy it. Still, it is not the same as hearing a voice. I despise texting on the phone & much prefer talking to people. You are able to tell so much about a person when you can hear them.
Sometimes I regret the world has turned into nothing but computers and not face to face communication.
I do really enjoy Tiny Buddha & feel you and the others are able to help many~ You are very kind for spreading your Wisdom among the Universe…
Bella~
July 14, 2018 at 3:05 am #216615AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
Thank you for your appreciation, “spreading your Wisdom among the Universe”, that reads special.
About the online communication here vs personal contact- what an interesting experience it has been for me. I found out that I learn way more about people and myself here than in-person. It is true that some members who post lie intentionally, but so do people in-person. But less of it here because people asking for help are not motivated to lie: they want help with their true life situation.
My policy regarding the truth is that I tell nothing but the truth here and everywhere else. Every single thing I shared is true. Truth is very important to me. When I notice something untrue in a share I ask about it and point it out. I do believe in the saying The Truth Shall Set You Free.
As to my life, I am your age, married seven years (a later in life marriage), live in a house in a wooded area, off private roads, lots of visible deer, elk, and even that one black bear on the porch the other day. I am not employed in the last 8 years. Born in another country, left at 25, lived most of my life in Los Angeles, moved north after getting married. My daily routine is being on the computer here, later about 4-5 hours of physical work, some of it is whacking overgrown plants on the very large property, carrying wood to the woodstove most of the year, and other tasks. I also take a 3.5 mile walk every day, some days more.
* I noticed you received a reply on the other thread where you posted recently.
anita
July 15, 2018 at 6:15 pm #216797BellaParticipantHi Anita,
Enjoyed reading about you & very interesting…I see you enjoy nature and wildlife…
I got home a bit ago after lunch w/my new friend. We took a drive to the mountains after & it was nice until we passed a car like the one my ex drives and a mixture of emotional feelings came rushing in. My friend asked if I was ok, so I knew then I needed to go home. It was all I could do was get into the house & I started crying. I feel so sad and angry at the same time. All the questions and bad feelings rushed in. I am really angry at myself for letting these feelings consume me. I don’t think I can sleep any more than I have been in the past few days. It gives me some relief to let myself rest from these thoughts. I felt like I was healing & all I did was go out and everything reminds me of my ex. It sickens me to feel this way.
I am starting to get a little scared about being alone the rest of my life…I don’t want that. I have so much to share with someone & would like to find someone to do it with…I want to travel and grow old with someone.
Bella~
July 16, 2018 at 4:31 am #216821AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
You want to “travel and grow old with someone”. Somewhere not too far from you there is a man who is not in a relationship and who also wants to travel and grow old with someone, a man who shares your basic values. I suppose you would like a man who acts mature, not childish (a word you use a lot).
Can you imagine, there is a man like that. Not a perfect man, of course. So you will have to graciously endure some differences from the idea of a perfect partner. I think it is a good idea for you to write down what it is that you need from that partner, one to grow old with, the things you will not compromise about, and the things that you are willing to compromise about. So that you have a clear picture and be able to spot that man who is out there when you see him. Such clarity will help you reject other men sooner than later.
What do you think?
anita
July 16, 2018 at 7:16 am #216869BellaParticipantHi Anita,
Honestly, I am afraid to do much of anything at the moment…I know what I would love to have in my life, but I am not sure of my own feelings…I feel am afraid & that is stopping me from feeling much of anything except hurt at the present time.
Bella~
July 16, 2018 at 7:43 am #216875AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
Is there a place you can go to relax? A park, a beach, a lake.. someplace?
anita
July 16, 2018 at 8:21 am #216887BellaParticipantHi Anita,
I am so upset & about to dig a hole for myself!! After a week of waiting for my ex to send the key he has which I asked him last Monday, or Tuesday to mail …he texted he would. Yesterday, I was going over to the building to organize and pick up some things & thought maybe he had put it in the secret place we put the keys. Well he didn’t & I sent a text “where is the key”, NO RESPONSE & I know he saw it~Then being angry with no response & feeling like he was playing with me letting his new girl know I was texting I sent another “I have things to take care of & don’t have time for this”, No response & a final text of “Do not want to contact you so please stop this”…I know I was the one that texted & was referring to his games & wanted him to know I wasn’t texting him to meet, or talk…just where was the key. (maybe a bad decision on my part)
This morning he sends a text saying he has errands to run tomorrow & what time would I like to get together!!! (Like everything is just peachy), Disregarding my texts..I shouldn’t have but I told him once again to mail the key & sent another one after that when I decided I have had enough of his stupid games and told him just to forget about it~I know I shouldn’t have sent a single text & I can get in the building with some help. I was hoping so bad he would stop acting like a child an be nice.
Why do you feel he never responds to me unless it’s convenient for him~ He never did that before. He never responds to me quickly like he does everyone else & I know that because that’s all he does at work it text & e-mail.
It shouldn’t but he is still breaking my Heart. I didn’t think I could feel anymore hurt that I have felt this long lonely summer, but once again it happened today. I almost have no words for the hurt & can barely cry anymore. These feeling are becoming to familiar & it scares me…I have never felt this much pain for such a long period of time with no relief.
I wish I was a songwriter, it would make a great country song~
Bella~
July 16, 2018 at 8:57 am #217031AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
You keep saying that he is acting “like a child”- what do you mean by him behaving like a child, in regard to the key and otherwise?
anita
July 16, 2018 at 9:31 am #217047BellaParticipantHi Anita,
When he ignores a simple text, or when he said when we first split that we would be nice to one another & we would communicate and talk, when I call or text or anything he agnores me for days until it is convenient for him to get in touch.
Maybe I am angry because he won’t talk so I can get closure. I have things I want to talk about & I know that none of it matters to him, but it does to me…
I am tired of wandering all the time about things. And going out, staying busy and doing things does not help~
I deserve to be at least listened to, even his he say nothing…
Bella~
July 16, 2018 at 11:51 am #217083AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
I didn’t notice your recent post of a couple of hours ago until a moment ago. What you describe as childish is not a matter of being childish, as I see it, but that of not keeping his word. And not being responsible to you, which is consistent with him not being responsible financially (having bad credit) and not being responsible as a father (telling you his children can visit him when they get older, not at the time he was living with you).
You wrote that going out and doing things doesn’t help you and that you deserve to be listened, that even if he says nothing. What would you like to tell him that you didn’t tell him so far?
I will be back to the computer in about fifteen hours from now, hope to read from you then.
anita
July 16, 2018 at 12:59 pm #217091BellaParticipantHi Anita,
I have many things I would like to say to him, but as soon as I think about being face to face with him my stomach gets in knots and I can’t think straight. As much as I would like to have a civil & honest conversation with him, I don’t feel it is possible. He has not been honest about so many things & him being so irresponsible it would probably end up heated as it usually does. I would like very much if he could be nice and I feel it would come flowing out as in the past and I would be able to get everything out.
I don’t know how I would feel afterwards is another reason I think I am hesitant and fearful of talking to him. I am so sick of pretending I am ok when I am clearly not. I have tried everything suggested to me to get passed these feelings and nothing is working & the thought of spending my fall season as I have my summer is scary. I don’t think I could do it. If I had someone to take care of my cats I thought about going away & then I thought where would I go? and the problems would still be in my head.
I have done nothing to cause him to ignore me …I was always good to him & I don’t believe he was as miserable as he said he was, or he would have left a lot sooner. I am sorry if I have been repeating things already posted, but it is still in my thoughts when I think about talking to him which will probably never go any further than between us in these post. Because as soon as I think about the end result, it is tragic & I am sure he would share it with his new girl.
Bella
July 17, 2018 at 9:05 am #217263AnonymousGuestDear Bella:
I have a question: if he showed up at your door saying he is no longer with his girlfriend, that he wants back, how will you respond?
The reason I am asking you this is because I am wondering if such a hope, however small it may be, I wonder if it is keeping you focused on him.
anita
July 17, 2018 at 1:27 pm #217329BellaParticipantHi Anita,
If he showed up at my door I don’t know if I would cry, or be angry…
Cry, because I would be relieved feeling that he made a mistake and this torture I am going through would be over~ the wandering what I did wrong to make him leave and the relief from the feelings of pain I go through each day.
Anger from what he has put me through, lies/cheating & all the other things that go with it, not to mention I don’t think I could ever trust him again…
I don’t know what I would do…I do know I would more and likely be a fool if I did take him back if he were to ask.
I want to make it clear he has done nothing to give me the impression he wants to come back, he never calls/texts or makes any effort to contact me…I think that hurts and causes the most pain~
I think what really bothers me is him marrying this girl because he always wanted to marry me…The few times we did speak he would always say several times “We will never get back together and I have moved on” to the point I wanted to ask him why he always said that to me, not just once, but several times…and I started to think maybe he is trying to prepare mr for something…That’s why I feel so upset sometimes, because then I know there would never be any type chance for us to be together.
Bella~
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