Hi Anoob

The article you mentioned suggests that accepting ones emotions and anxieties is a first step in “managing” them. I place quotes around the word manage because its not quite what we do as manage might suggest control which suggests ego…

The intention I think is to feel what you feel and notice what may have triggered those feelings of anxiety. Check for F.E.A.R (false evidence appearing real). Check for control. Is the anxiety triggered by something within your ability to change? is it a desire to force life into matching your expectations of how it “should be”?

Accepting and “managing” ones anxieties and emotions require flow. The ability to allow life to flow. Attempting to Control or wish that life be otherwise is a saying “No”. and Nothing blocks flow like a No.

The practice of detachment can help here. This is the practice where you notice your feelings and anxieties without attaching your sense of self to them are labeling them as being good or bad. Its important to remind yourself that Detachment is not Indifference. What you feel and experience matters, you matter, and your true self cannot be defined or boxed in by a experience,  emotion or label. You have experiences and emotions, You are not a experience or emotion.

On a practical side. Like you the idea of talking in front of people, given a speech or some such terrified me. In my case its mostly F.E.A.R  and being afraid of appearing stupid and incapable which points to an attachment to ego. I joined a Toastmasters session and learned that if I was prepared I could do manage and even enjoy it. Thus I would add a step to “managing” our anxieties as  finding a safe place to practice. I would also recommend taking a ballroom dance class as a place to practice.

All the best

Dear Anoob:

You are welcome. You wrote that you “tried mindful meditation (simply focusing on breath) for more than a year and it doesn’t make any change to my behavior”- try a different mindful meditation. You can try Mark Williams series of mindful meditations, I believe they are still available online, free of charge. Read about Mindfulness from different sources: there are books on the matter, magazines and online, including on under BLOG above, on this page.

You wrote that you “started Yoga .. for 2 months, but it got stopped since I got some sleep disorder”- I don’t understand, why did you stop yoga and what kind of yoga was it (?)

And you wrote in your third post: “I am comfortable with a new crowd, but worry with familiar crowd. I think I really worry about the judgment of people who are known to me”-

– your parents are people who are familiar and known to you. Did any one of your parents, or both, judged you a lot, when you were a child?

anita

Dear Anoob:

I hope you go about the asanas slowly, mindfully.

“If I (am) about to do some speech or said to do some performance in future or thinking there can be some chances of those all I feel anxious, hand trembling, voice shivering… I really worry about the judgment of people who are known to me…  Now the question is how I can help myself to make it easier instead of thinking how to hide this from others?”-

It may help if you tell the people you know, the people you are about to speak to, that you feel anxious and that when you feel anxious, your hands tremble and your voice shiver.

Tell that to them at the beginning of a speech, in as casual a manner as you can muster, with a smile. Tell them that you are letting them know of this because you are hoping to be less anxious, knowing that they know, and not trying to hide it from them.

anita

Dear Anoob:

I understand. Let’s see.. you wrote earlier: “The real issue is to manage my negative emotions”, “I need to manage my response to them”.

You gave an example of a negative emotion: anxiety,  and your response to it: hand trembling, voice shivering, skipping events (“for example if I (am) about to do some speech or .. some performance in future.. all I feel anxious, hand trembling, voice shivering and chance to skip those events”).

The word emotion can be looked at as Energy-in-motion (e-motion). Emotion is a state of motion, of  movement. A happy emotion causes the motion of smiling, laughing, jumping (in children), etc. An angry emotion causes the motion of face tensing, hands closing into fists, fighting, etc. A fearful emotion causes the motion of running away. An anxious emotion causes the motions you described: hand trembling, voice shivering and skipping events (similar to running away from the events).

What causes our muscles to move, so to create the motions I mentioned, are chemicals in our brains and bodies. When you are anticipating an event where you are to speak to a group of people, such chemicals are automatically released, and those chemicals bring about the motions and that very uncomfortable subjective feeling inside. When your brain/ body is in the chemical habit of responding the way it does, to the events you mentioned, there is no way to command the body to stop it!

The ways to change your anxiety when facing such events takes long-term strategies. The improvement is gradual and slow and it takes a lot of patience and time.

Wikipedia, in its entry on Anxiety, under Treatment, reads: “The first step in the management of a person with anxiety symptoms involves evaluating the possible presence of an underlying medical cause.. Anxiety symptoms may mask an organic disease”- suggesting having a medical checkup.

It continues: “Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is effective for anxiety disorders and is a first line treatment. CBT appears to be equally effective when carried out via the internet.

“Psychopharmacological treatment can be used in parallel to CBT or can be used alone… First-line drugs are the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors. Benzodiazepines are not recommended for routine use.”

In addition to the above suggestions (medical checkup, CBT, and possibly medications), regular exercise is recommended by almost everyone for the relief and management of anxiety, as long as the exercise is not excessive. A fast walk of 30 minutes twice a day, or when particularly anxious can do wonders. Plus it is good for your physical health otherwise.

Also recommended everywhere is slower, deeper breathing exercises, meditation, more sleep, healthy nutrition, and eliminating or reducing smoking, alcohol use, and caffeine.

Like I wrote before, there is no way to command the brain/ body: don’t feel this way! Don’t respond this way! It takes a multidisciplinary, long-term approach. You can make a plan for yourself including a number of the strategies I listed above. For example, you can choose to (1) exercise daily, (2) improve your nutrition daily, (3) continue your breathing exercises, (4) yoga and (5) try CBT.

I have experience in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as a client. My therapist at the time was a CBT therapist. Do you know anything about it? If you want to, you can read about it and let me know what you think.

anita

Dear Anoob:

You are welcome. I am glad that you agree that managing your anxiety is a long-term process, and I am glad to read that you learned (and are learning) self awareness and self acceptance, which has given you great relief.

I just submitted to you a post that included a study from a website I came across. I thought I deleted all the print from the website, but seems like I didn’t and it triggered the “awaiting moderation” response. I apologize for it. The website I am referring to is about the Buddhist Four Noble Truths which I thought could be helpful to you.

If the post does not get moderated later today, I will post again. You can post anytime, regardless.

anita

Cleaning up the above:

Dear Anoob:

You are welcome. I looked up a website called learn religions. com / the four noble truths, for my own use, and I thought maybe it will benefit you as well (I don’t think it can hurt), so read the following if you want to, and stop reading whenever you so choose. Mostly paraphrased:

“The Four Noble Truths are the foundation of Buddhism:

1. The truth of suffering (dukkha)

2. The truth of the cause if suffering

3. The truth of the end of suffering

4. The truth of the path that frees us from suffering.”

#1, life is dukkha: dukkha means “incapable of satisfying”, or “not able to bear or withstand anything”, or “stressful”.  Even joyful/ pleasurable times in life end with dukkha because joy and pleasure always come to an end, and at that end, we crave more.

#2, the cause of dukkha is “tanha”: tanha translated to a “thirst”, or “craving”. That craving never gets satisfied. This Truth suggests that we need to thirst less, crave less/ to be less attached to our craving.

#3, The solution to dukkha is to lessen our craving: It’s impossible to vow to oneself: from now on, I won’t crave anything! But there is a diligent practice that over time will lessen and lessen the craving.

#4, the details of the diligent practice that is required= “The Eightfold Path”. It includes ethical conduct and mindfulness.

Anoob, you can think, if you want to about what is your personal tanha (your most intense thirst or craving, which is in the core of your dukkha (dissatisfaction/ stress). Let me know if any of this is speaking to you, or otherwise post again about anything you choose.

anita