Home→Forums→Relationships→How to Move Past Sting and Focus on Me
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Roberta.
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August 15, 2025 at 2:05 pm #448639
MissLDuchessParticipantI’m turning 27 in two months, and lately I’ve been feeling a sting that I can’t quite shake. Recently, a mean girl from my high school got engaged. Yesterday was her birthday, and her Facebook wall is filled with comments about what an “exciting year” she has ahead.
What makes it more complicated is that my mom always wanted me to be friends with this person, since we were two of the few American students at the international school I attended for high school. But she was never the nicest, prettiest, or most charming person — which is why I’m baffled that she’s found someone ready to marry her. Coincidentally, a few months ago my mom asked me if this person had gotten married. I know there’s “a lid for every pot,” but sometimes I can’t help but wonder… where the heck is mine hiding?
It’s not so much about her personally, but about the reminder that I’m still single, living at home, and wanting a life stage I haven’t reached yet — even though I have a master’s degree, a job and lots of acquaintances but few close friends.
My dream is very clear: if I’m married to the love of my life and have a baby by my 30th birthday, I’ll be the happiest woman alive. I’ve been making vision boards and journaling daily to focus on my goals, but moments like this still trigger comparison and doubt. I’m also actively trying to put myself out there and meet people.
I’d love advice on two things:
How to let go of that sting when someone else reaches a milestone I deeply want for myself.
How to keep my focus on building the loving marriage and family I want, without letting timelines or comparison steal my joy.
Thank you for reading — and for any wisdom you can share.August 15, 2025 at 2:43 pm #448641
anitaParticipantHi MissLDutchess:
Thank you for sharing so honestly. That sting you’re feeling is real—and you’re not alone in it. Isabel’s reply in your last thread really stuck with me: she talked about how hard it can be to find deep connection when others seem more focused on surface-level milestones. Her story reminded me that the path to love and belonging isn’t always fast, but it can be meaningful and worth the wait.
To your first question: when someone else reaches a milestone you long for, it’s okay to feel the ache. Try gently reminding yourself, “Their timeline isn’t mine. My path is unfolding in its own way.” You’re not behind—you’re building something real.
And for staying focused: keep doing what you’re doing—vision boards, journaling, putting yourself out there. But also let joy live in the now. Love isn’t just a future event—it’s in how you care for yourself today, how you show up with hope, and how you keep choosing your dream even when it’s hard.
You’re already on your way. 💛
Anita
August 16, 2025 at 3:37 am #448655
AlessaParticipantHi Miss Dutchess
I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling hurt that you haven’t found your special someone yet. These things honestly take time. ❤️
For me, the trick is honestly to not compare myself to others. If I need to make a comparison, I make it to my past self. It helps me to feel a sense of progression.
Since a lot of relationships and marriages fail these days, especially when children are involved (after you have your first child, half of relationships end). It is more important to be patient and try to select the right person than to get married quickly to the wrong one.
Do you have any thoughts about the difficulties you are experiencing dating?
Honestly, I thought it was important to have a baby before 30 when I was younger too. But I was wrong. At 35 there are more risks to the pregnancy. So you have more time than you think. You don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself immediately.
I would also consider if children are something that you really want. Since you have difficulty with a coworker playing music. Noise may affect you much more than other people. Having children is quite noisy. I have issues with noise sensitivity and it was very intense being screamed at for 4 hours every day for months. I would recommend helping out with a baby if someone you know ever has one. If you haven’t already. So you can understand what the experience will be like.
Realistically, if you’re unhappy now. You are likely to still be unhappy when married and with child. Happiness comes from you. Learn to celebrate your life and enjoy it as it is. Then you will be happy with any future you choose for yourself. ❤️
August 16, 2025 at 3:48 am #448656AlessaParticipantOh and what no one talks about is that 90% of couples argue after having their first child. And half of people yell. So you may end up being yelled at by a partner too.
Then there is the trauma of giving birth 1 in 3 are traumatic.
Then there is the fact that outside of noise, the actual experience of taking care of a baby for the first few months is considered a traumatic because of the intense level of care needed. Until children are able to speak they will cry for everything they want.
August 16, 2025 at 3:56 am #448657AlessaParticipantAnother difficulty being neurodivergent (especially if you have a c-section, because recovery is long and painful) you are statistically likely to experience intrusive thoughts about harming your child. Which is quite frankly horrible for people to go through. Again, another thing that people don’t talk about.
August 17, 2025 at 11:06 am #448701MissLDuchessParticipantI do genuinely want to have a family of my own one day not because this is something society is imposing on me. I’m trying to enjoy my life and expand my social circles and let everything fall into place when the timing is right. I’m glad that with my noisy, inconsiderate co-worker at least my supervisor is aware and I have an ally at work compared to my ill-matched noise, brash, inconsiderate college roommate who made my life hell and wouldn’t know a boundary if it bit her.
August 17, 2025 at 11:06 am #448702MissLDuchessParticipantWhenever I see a cute baby I think how lovely it would be to have one of my own when I have a partner and more financial stability.
August 17, 2025 at 11:18 am #448703MissLDuchessParticipantEven my supervisor agrees that my colleague’s behavior is inconsiderate and unprofessional since this is a work environment not a college dorm room. She’s told him indirectly to use headphones.
August 17, 2025 at 11:53 am #448704AlessaParticipantHi Miss Duchess
That’s nice. I’m not trying to put you off. Just the first 6 months of a newborn are hell. But for couples the arguments can last a year or more. Then you get things like postpartum depression which can last for between 1 and 3 years. These things are just not easy. It’s a lot to deal with. I think it’s helpful for planning to know what is coming instead of being taken by surprise when it happens like I was. Sadly these things are just not spoken about.
It’s definitely worth it. My boy is very sweet. But things were extremely hard for a bit. ❤️
Sorry, I wasn’t trying to suggest that he shouldn’t turn the music off. Just pointing out the difficulties you might have with noise because of your condition since children are noisy. ❤️
August 20, 2025 at 2:53 pm #448806
RobertaParticipantHi Miss Duchess
Have you come across this concept? Muditā (Pāli and Sanskrit: मुदिता) is a dharmic concept of joy, particularly an especially sympathetic or vicarious joy—the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people’s well-being. or luck.
When we can be happy at anothers good fortune we lessen our own tendancies of a jealousy & comparing mind.
If we give ourselves narrow & time sensitive expectations we block ourselves from the world of other possibilities that can bring us joy & contentment.
I wish that you find long lasting happiness & fullfilling life whatever the journey is.
Kind regards
Roberta -
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