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How to Overcome the Urge to Vent

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  • This topic has 6 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • March 28, 2016 at 5:36 am #100236
    arguseyed
    Participant

    Many times I talk to my friends about a life situation that I am facing and they just don’t get it. They act like they do. It’s over silly things mostly, nothing substantial. It gets me worked up, I give curt replies to them saying they don’t get it and they shouldn’t bracket my situation with their situation. What follows is this great urge to vent to someone about this conversation. How can I overcome that?

    To give an example, I don’t get my size trousers in my country. I’m not obese, but all of them are slim fits for some strange reason. They are available for one body type only. I was talking to a friend about this and she kept saying so and so store has trousers for us. No, they don’t, not for me. For her, perhaps. The only place where I get them are at a special store that does big sizes or have them tailored. It’s not a problem in a country like the USA, never had a problem there, only in mine. What annoyed me was this bracketing ‘us’ and the insistence that what works for her works me for me too. This lack of understanding that I am a different body type from her.

    I know I have already vented above, but really want to know how to overcome this urge.

    March 28, 2016 at 6:10 am #100240
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear arguseyed:

    Your problem may have been solved: you can vent here, on this forum and on this very thread you started. Just like you did about the size of trousers. It was interesting for me to read your vent. So do vent again.

    It is true that so often people don’t really listen. It is sad for me to know I didn’t listen to others in the past. People do “catch” only parts of what we say that they relate to at the moment and as they catch to this or that part they stop listening.

    As I read your vent about the trousers size, I see your annoyance is about:
    1. The fact that your country is limited with size and body type trousers for sale.
    2. That your friend inaccurately projected herself into you, not acknowledging the very difference of size/ body type between the two of you and #1.

    Till your next vent, if you’d like…

    anita

    March 28, 2016 at 6:35 am #100242
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi arguseyed,

    Venting is seen as negative. Venting, however, is sometimes necessary, otherwise we would kill our friends! LOL! Some people you can vent to, others you can’t. I have one friend who complains all the time though, I mean never do that. But do find people you can vent to once in a while!

    Best,

    Inky

    March 28, 2016 at 8:55 am #100261
    arguseyed
    Participant

    Yes, anita, that is why I was annoyed. More because of the second reason today. It’s not the first time and I don’t see what’s so hard to understand because we don’t have the same size. Not sure why she wouldn’t get that I don’t get my size at any of the stores she mentioned. I replied with a fairly terse comment saying she didn’t know what slim fit pants or straight fit pants are. It gets on my nerves when other people try to fix their version of me on me.

    Inky, I have a friend too who complains all the time. That is another thing I need to deal with.

    March 28, 2016 at 9:02 am #100264
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear arguseyed

    You wrote above that you get angry when other people try to fix their version of you- on you, that is when they misunderstand you, don’t see who you are, don’t hear what it is that you are saying.

    Is that what your parents, one or both did? Not hear what you said, not see you for who you are?

    anita

    March 28, 2016 at 9:19 am #100268
    arguseyed
    Participant

    Yes, it was like that growing up. I always felt I had to be someone different to be accepted. Not just by my family, but also at school and work.

    March 28, 2016 at 9:40 am #100269
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear arguseyed:

    Not uncommon, unfortunately.

    Who was that Someone Different that you felt you had to be so to be accepted? What does that someone look like, talk like, acts like; what does that someone care about, values…?

    anita

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