So, this is my first post and hopefully it isn’t too long or boring, but I wanted to share what I’m going through right now. Maybe some of the wonderful people who read this can help me, and maybe this post will help other people. Who knows? But here it goes….

I’m about to be 28 years old and want to start a new career. I’ve worked for 7 years in radio and, although I’ve gained a ton of experience and have been told by many people, including bosses I am “gifted” at what I do, I am still at an entry level salary. Furthermore, I realized I am not fulfilled in what I am doing anymore. I got into this business because I wanted to make people smile, I wanted to entertain, and I wanted to help people achieve their goals. However, my position doesn’t allow me to do any of those things and it took a long look in the mirror and remembering what I said to a high school friend years ago when asked what I wanted when I grew up to realize I currently have the exact opposite of what I want out of a career and life.

When my high school friend asked what I wanted, my response was to make good enough money to support a family and have a job that would allow me to spend time with my kids. Being that I had neither of those things growing up, it made sense. However, somewhere between then and now I chased a dream of becoming a media star and am a little grateful that things didn’t work out the way I hoped the would in my past because I would be stuck in a career that would constantly keep me away from my family and working on weekends. But it wasn’t until a few months ago and a talk with my girlfriend (who I plan to marry) that I realized I wanted to be in HR.

Seems simple right? Well, not really. There are a few obstacles in my way, mainly, the fact that I suffer from depression and anxiety, and have for years but hid it. Depression actually runs in my family and being someone without insurance and with little income, its hard to find affordable help. To make matters even more interesting, my girlfriend (who I live with) is the same age, went to the same high school and college as I, and is VERY successful. Granted, she had a parent who guided her through her career path and found people at jobs that were willing to give her sound advice when she hit her ruts, and I had an absentee father and a depressed mother who didn’t pull everything together until a few years ago and have worked in a couple of very negative work environments , but I still feel like I’m playing catchup.

My depression and anxiety has hit an all time high, to the point where I will randomly break out in tears at just the thought of filling out another job application and getting rejected. I’m trying to exercise, listen to positive music, talk to my mom almost on a daily basis, just to keep a positive influence around me who has gone through what I’ve gone through, but the anxiety attacks still keep coming. I know I am very blessed to have a mom who can sympathize with my situation and a girlfriend who has known me for 11 years and loves me unconditionally, but I still feel like I’m letting them down by not finding a job yet that fits into my new career path. I guess the point of this is to ask, how do you truly start over when you have a troubled past? When your choice of career is stopping you from advancing now? When you want to share everything with your loved ones but you know by sharing you may hurt them, or scare them, or depress them? How do you let go when the only way you feel better is by talking and you don’t want to be a burden to someone? For 27 years I believed that “Everything will work itself out. If you try your best and work toward a goal, eventually you’ll either achieve it, or realize that you need to miss that goal to achieve something greater” But I haven’t had a feeling that everything will be ok for almost a year now. How do you get that back?

Thank you for reading this—–I truly appreciate the time you are giving to my rant/issue and anything you could suggest would be more than appreciated.