Hi Dreaming715,

First, you need to get out of the “comparison trap” many people put on a “mask” at parties. I see my very shy, somewhat introverted friends become the center of attention at parties. They do this, because they are lonely, do not have a boyfriend, want people to like them, so they will exaggerate charming stories so people will find them interesting and funny. However, as soon as they leave the party, they revert back to their former selves. Same with this girl at the party, maybe she too is lonely, has self esteem issues and puts on a different face in social situations to appear charming and likeable, however, no one knows what she is like behind closed doors. This is why you must not compare, because it will mess with you, and your self worth. You most likely have alot of qualities she wishes she has. Beauty is only skin deep, and I’m sure your boyfriend knows that. My ex used to “like” women’s pictures on Facebook, but he never flirted or corresponded with them, just as I am sure your boyfriend is not corresponding with that girl. He is moving in with you, not her, so he is not going anywhere and sees a future with you. I too have abandonment issues from early childhood, but you just have to ask yourself if your thoughts, are reality? Or just thoughts..and they are just thoughts.

Dreaming715,

I was also in a similar situation to you. I had abandonment issues since childhood and I know how difficult it can be. I also dealt with jealousy issues concerning my boyfriend and a model he knew. He would like her pictures often on social media, and I became obsessed almost- checking her pictures most days to see if my boyfriend had liked or commented on them. What you have to do is take a step back, and realise that this is a result of overthinking. As a user previously stated, your boyfriend is moving in with you and not her. He loves you, and sure, he might find her funny or even attractive but you are the one he has the romantic interest in. It is okay for our significant others to find others attractive, it’s human nature. But he values you and loves you- that’s why you are dating now. Just because you aren’t ‘exotic’ as you say, doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful. Roses and sunflowers look different but are both very beautiful. Try not to compare yourself to others or seek validation from him. Instead, be mindful of any time you notice yourself waiting for a compliment or trying to receive a certain reaction from him. Focus on yourself- what is amazing and unique about you. As cliche as it sounds- you have to love yourself first in order to love someone else.

I hope the journey is smooth for you,

Maria