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How to stop obsessing over gf

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  • #275713
    Nobody
    Participant

    How can I stop myself from obsessing over my girl friend. I feel like it’s damaging our relationship cause I can never give her space. But I get anxiety when I’m not talking to her or anything.

    #275717
    Mark
    Participant

    Nobody,

    I take it that this is the same girl you posted about under your post of “I hate the girl I love” ?

    #275719
    Nobody
    Participant

    @mark

     

    Yeah it is. I’m just working on our relationship right now cause I feel like i caused a lot of damage.

    I just feel like I need to work on a lot of things and my obsessive behavior is one of them.

    #275733
    Valora
    Participant

    Often, when we are obsessing about something, it means we are getting something from that thing that we are not finding in ourselves. Ask yourself some questions about what you are getting emotionally from being around her or talking to her and how that is making you feel and see if you can find some of those same feelings in something else… maybe a hobby you enjoy or in helping people. I like to read self-help stuff when I’m feeling emotional about things.

    Addictions and obsessions are often due to lack in some area so take some time to yourself to figure out what that “lack” is that she is filling and then see if you can find other healthy ways to help fill it.

    #275751
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Nobody-

    You wrote about your girlfriend: “I believe her when she tells me she loves me. But is it worth it?” – yes, it is worth it for you. Hold on to that love she has for you, value it, treasure it. Let it in.

    “I’ve been constantly criticizing her for her past”, you wrote.

    Let’s look at your past from previous threads on record here: “I killed so many animals growing up because it’s the only thing that makes the feeling go away. And now I’m afraid I’m going to kill someone. I almost did multiple times”.

    “I was at a friends apartment because I decided that maybe I should go out more and socialize. But that was a terrible idea. I don’t know what happened to be honest, but I lost control. I blacked out and I pulled a knife on my friend, putting it against his neck. I wanted to slit his neck so bad”.

    In comparison, your girlfriend’s past doesn’t seem so bad. Forgive her, let her love into you, let it dissolve bit by bit that anger in you.

    When I read in the past about your murderous rage, killing animals and about to kill humans too, I was alarmed and scared so deeply. I contacted whom I was able to contact to see if there is a way for the police to locate you, wherever you may be, to read what you wrote and to take you away, lock you in some facility and protect humans and other animals from you. My efforts bore no fruit whatsoever. Maybe someone reading this very post has an idea, how to protect society from you.

    This is why I didn’t put “dear” in front of your name. You scare me too much to allow any kind of affection toward you, even the bit in the word dear.

    You wrote about that knife incident, 2017: “this isn’t the first time I tried to kill someone like this. It’s getting worse though. Like closer and closer to actually committing the deed”

    The scary reality is that there are plenty young people like you, some find their story in those True Crime genre, many ending up in prisons, forever shackled, inflicting violence on other prisoners or experiencing violence from them, whomever is stronger, more threatening is on top.

    I hear a voice in my mind, of a reader saying: oh, he is making this up, a teenage/young person look-at-me-look-how-scary-I am. But I look at what you shared and it is quite convincing, that your stories may very well be true:

    “It feels awkward and fake for me to try to be nice to anyone. I just feel a deep hatred towards every person I meet… I can never get close to anyone, everyone is the same. They’re all the same… I don’t feel anything except anger and fear. Those two emotions seem like they dominate me. I’m just so damn angry, but I have no idea why. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of. My mind is too cluttered to see myself… Am I crazy? Or just plain evil? I’ve been called a lot of names..  psychopath, manic. I don’t believe I’m any of these. I feel like it’s the other way around. That everyone is a sociopathic maniac piece of sh*&. Not me”

    “I’m a logical person. I never let emotions control me. Except for my anger. That I have no control over… So I isolate myself. But after awhile I get lonely. its hard to completely isolate yourself. I killed so many animals growing up because it’s the only thing that makes the feeling go away. And now I’m afraid I’m going to kill someone… Like some kind of animal in me is controlling me and I have to try so hard to take control… I am so alone. I am destroying everything in my way. I can’t stand it anymore. I’m losing my mind. Or maybe I already lost it. I feel like I just need to kill someone to feel sane again. But I don’t want anyone to find out and think I’m a monster”.

    -If there was a way for me to locate you, if there is a way for anyone reading this to locate you and protect society from you, I am all for it, of course.

    You wrote that you believe your girlfriend loves you. If it is true, if you do feel that she loves you, this is a very, very encouraging development. Hold on to her love, let it seep in, let it calm that monster in you, the monster you mentioned.

    There are plenty of monsters in  our world, unfortunately. Some are in high political positions, having sent I am guessing hundreds of thousands of men to die in wars that didn’t have to be fought. Many are in prisons right now, sexual slaves of older prisoners, day in and day out. It is interesting, how the same people so callous about ending other people’s lives, will do anything and everything to keep themselves alive.

    This is a very ugly world we live in. Better find refuge in the pockets of beauty that are available for us, pockets of sanity, of sensibility, of honesty and kindness.

    There is hope in me, as I write this, that you will abandon your murderous plans, that you will do all that you can to be a good person, not a bad person. That you will not be accommodate people who mistreated you or mistreat you, but that at the same time,  you will do-no-harm to others, not anymore.

    One more thing. Your agreeable replies to members who answered you, the thank-you-will-do-what-you-suggested replies, those were fake.

    anita

    #275987
    Nobody
    Participant

    @valora

    Thank you for your wise words. I actually discovered before reading this that what you say is right. I started writing and I am able to express myself in writing. So it doesn’t come out as obsessive behavior.

     


    @anita

    Since that post I have changed so much. I have healed so much.

    I grew up without any love. I was mistreated by the people who were supposed to love me. So I never felt love. I became so damage my mind was demented. I was crazy and didn’t know how to express myself. But I met someone that showed me love.

    Love is such a powerful thing that over the months it began to heal me. I’ve started to love and feel love for the first time.

    Never in my life have I ever been truly happy. I am a changed man. I am a happy and healing man.

    Sure I am still developing. But I am making rapid progress. All my effort is towards developing myself and healing.

    #276017
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Anyone-

    I would like very much to believe this is true.

    Be good to your girlfriend, help her and let her help you get healthier and healthier. Do-no-harm to others, be it humans or other animals.

    anita

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