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Hurt and Confused

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  • May 13, 2019 at 10:59 pm #293645
    JC
    Participant

    Ive been dating a woman for awhile and we are exclusive. However twice she has made remarks in front of several other people while I was present that she would be available to someone else given the right circumstances. Other people were uncomfortable and found it disrespectful. I felt humiliated. I want to confront her and it explain how it makes me feel. Ironically this is a woman who has been cheated on horribly before by her ex-husband. And I’ve made it a point to constantly reassure her she can trust me. She is very open as to how trust is a major issue for her and she loves that she does feel she can trust me. I’m feeling now like I need the same reassurance from her and that her remarks are hurtful. I know she is going to say she’s just joking around. However her comments are in reference to a concert she is attending without me as a backstage guest of a guy she knows is dying to sleep with her. I feel I need to address this obviously.

    Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

    May 13, 2019 at 11:50 pm #293649
    Mark
    Participant

    JC

    I don’t see any compelling reason to stay with her.

    Mark

    May 14, 2019 at 8:10 am #293689
    Valora
    Participant

    What do you mean “available to someone else given the right circumstances?”  Can you clarify that?  Available to hang out and do things with other people as a friend or available to date?

    Are you unable to go to the concert she’s going to or were you not invited?

    May 14, 2019 at 8:24 am #293695
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JC:

    Mark’s reply is spot on, I say.

    Back in March you wrote about her: “She believed herself to be emotionally unavailable”, “she just wants to be able to do her own things and see me as well”, “Her actions and words often contradict”.

    You wrote here: “trust is a major issue for her”.

    Trust  is a major issue for her because she is not trustworthy herself?

    anita

     

    May 14, 2019 at 8:56 am #293705
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi JC,

    What gets a laugh track on TV often falls flat in real life. That’s what happened here.

    This is mean, but it gets the job done (in my experience):

    The next time she says something that humiliates you in public say right then and there: “You’re not that cool.”

    BOOM! That will either end the hurtful comments OR the relationship. Both outcome totally worth it.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    May 14, 2019 at 10:56 am #293729
    JC
    Participant

    She’s down it twice in front of friends thinking it’s funny. I think she wants a reaction from me but I haven’t given her one. But it does annoy me and I think it’s disrespectful. It also does make me a little nervous.

    May 14, 2019 at 11:05 am #293735
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JC:

    Why don’t you tell her just that, that it makes you nervous and you think its disrespectful. Then hear what she will tell you and post here, what she tells you, will you?

    anita

    May 14, 2019 at 11:07 am #293737
    JC
    Participant

    Yes I will. I hope she will understand and say I have nothing to worry about and she won’t joke like that again.

    May 14, 2019 at 11:11 am #293741
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JC:

    Tell her that it made you nervous and you felt disrespected when she said what she said, tell her just that (don’t add to it) and wait for her reaction. Pay attention to what she says. If you don’t know what to say next, if you are confused, tell her that you need to get away from the phone and that you will call her later. Then post here what she said.

    anita

    May 14, 2019 at 2:20 pm #293765
    Mark
    Participant

    JC,

    You want to stay with a woman who openly tells others that she wants to have sex with someone else.

    I would really question why you want to stay with her.

    Mark

    May 14, 2019 at 6:55 pm #293799
    Valora
    Participant

    JC… can you answer my question, please? Does “available to someone else” mean available for sex, dating, or just hanging out?  Did she invite you to the concert or are you just unable to go?

    It’s one thing if she’s saying she’s available for dates, sex, and things like that with other people or didn’t even invite you to go with her to that concert but it’s another thing if she’s just wanting to take a friend to a concert since you aren’t able to go with her. So those details are kind of important.

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