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Hurt by a good friend…what to do now?

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  • August 8, 2017 at 3:14 pm #162902
    Sunny
    Participant

    I have a good friend I’ve known for about 20 years now. We live about a 6 hour drive apart, so I don’t see her very often. She got married 8 years ago. I flew down for her bachelorette, wedding and her first kid’s first birthday. I got married a few years ago. We had a small family thing, so my friend was not there. I had my first child last year, and his first birthday is coming up. I told her two months ago that we are having his party in the area where she lives and invited her. She told me yesterday that she can’t make it because she will be out of town going to a spa. I feel very hurt that I spent all this time and effort going to her events and she won’t even bother to come to mine. She wouldn’t even have to travel anywhere. Am I overreacting? I don’t even know if this is something I want to bring up to her. I just want to know how to get over it…

    August 8, 2017 at 5:31 pm #162910
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Sunny,

    It could be that she cares for you and wants to come, but spa trips you have to reserve well in advance and it can be very expensive. Still she could have sent a nice card and gift and offered an explanation. It sounds like a very long term relationship and an important one, and if she is not in the habit of doing this often, I would gently tell her how you feel. Just say it was really important to you to have her there and see what she says. She may have wanted to come. I don’t know if the spa trip was one that she was traveling to, because in that case it can be very expensive and hard to cancel, but if it was just a day spa, I think it shows insensitivity on her part, and should be brought up.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Eliana.
    August 9, 2017 at 4:52 am #162986
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sunny,

    When we’re young we take our friendships very seriously. We tend to visit them every year from far away. But once we hit, say, thirty, it gets harder to visit all our long distance friends! So we go all out for life events and maybe visit once every five or ten years.

    Please don’t take her seemingly blowing you off for a spa day personally. She has a family now. You have a family now. Unless you have a nanny taking care of your kid and are a multi millionaire and no job, it’s hard (as you now know) to get away. Because this might literally be the only time she will actually go to a spa weekend! (She also might not know that those days are history and she’s running on vestiges of “I’m single and free!” fumes.)

    “Let it Go” as they say, and visit her in the 2020’s!

    Best,

    Inky

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