I am really struggling

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    I’m a mum of 2 young children and I’m really struggling with life. I do what needs to be done – take them to school, feed them, do reading and homework with them, go to my part-time job 3 times a week, cook for my husband, do the laundry, arrange occasional play dates but I feel lost and hopeless. I’m not happy with myself. I feel fat and like I’ve given up on how I look. My husband shows me no kindness and I can go whole day eating healthy and going gym but in the evening the coldness and nastiness my husband shows me upsets me so I eat and eat till my stomach hurts in the evenings. I feel sad for my kids having a mum who is this unhappy and fed up with life.


    Dear Vee:

    I am so sorry that your husband sows you no kindness, but coldness and nastiness. Did you start feeling lost and hopeless as a consequence of how he treats you? I assume the marriage was good for a while and then deteriorated..?



    Hi Vee

    I’m sorry to hear that your husband is cold and nasty towards you and you feel lost and hopeless. Do you want to talk about the situation?

    It sounds like you are managing a lot with two young children at home, part time work, cooking and I imagine cleaning as well. Sometimes men take that for granted and do not realise how much work that is. It doesn’t sound like you have much time for yourself. And with children everything becomes about them. It is easy to lose sight of yourself.

    You feel badly for your children for having a mum that is unhappy and fed up with life. If things cannot be reconciled with your husband, it is not good for them to see him treat you in this way.

    Is he a good father to your children or not?

    Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏


    Dear Vee

    I am sorry that life for you at the moment appears to be without joy & contentment.

    May I ask how was your marriage prior to having children?

    You should congratulate yourself for noticing the connection between the stress your husbands attitude towards you and your comfort eating. At the moment I am reading two book one call Presence and the other is Real Meditations in minutes.

    Do your children see & hear these troubling interactions?

    Would your husband be open to couples counseling, he too maybe is unhappy or stressed and it has leaked into your relationship.

    I hope that you will get plenty of support from the members of this forum.

    Kind regards



    Ok, get ready for a disturbing view, …

    The relationship had to start off with some love and kindness! So, how did it get this far off course? Why do you drown yourself in this misery? Do you spend any time kissing and holding each other? I was always told that if you change then everything else will change because nothing arises alone.

    Spend 15 minutes sitting on his lap facing him everyday. Everyday. Make it a ritual. Then tell him to say something nice. That you haven’t heard something nice from him. That you need to feel he loves you. Make him understand. Say you appreciate him but you need to hear the same appreciation. This is about communications. And nothing is more immediate than sitting on his lap and holding him while talking quietly in his ear. If you don’t have a relationship where you can hold each other then where is the love. Being unhappy and keeping it in .. it will only fester into arguments and maybe divorce. If you want love and appreciation then show some too. If you two truly love each other then giving love and caring should result in getting love and caring.

    I know it isn’t easy since you have gotten into this routine of him going to work and you taking care of everything else. But, you need to change it back to him taking care of you and you taking care of him. And both of you taking care of the children. Express yourself or nothing will change for the better.

    I know it sounds simple but isn’t easy. But start the ball rolling. Hug him and tell him you need his help. Asking him to go to counseling will get a negative reaction. Not that he does want a better marriage but he doesn’t want outside help. Someone to take sides or give orders.

    Okay, I know no one believes this will work. And no one wants to try to be the one to initiate being the nice one. That we all think that we deserve better. We don’t want to be the first to apologize. We don’t want to be wrong. Ok, for my rude rant, I was wrong and apologize.

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