Home→Forums→Relationships→I am terrified to breakup
- This topic has 17 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks, 1 day ago by Helcat.
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October 11, 2024 at 10:34 am #438675CutieJParticipant
Thinking about it, I wanted to hurt her emotionally. Every time she lied to me, I felt like my heart was ripped apart. Every time I expressed that I was hurt to her, she didn’t reply and she would shut down. I asked her why did some things happen or what was she thinking, and she would only say sorry and never talk or explain to me. So yes, I wanted to hurt her emotions too. I regret that was not the way I should’ve handled it, but that was my intention.
I can promise myself that I will never react this way, because that was the night I first did anything physical, and I don’t want to be that kind of person who hurts their loved ones. I need to be responsible for my actions, but I don’t think this is a mere redirection of anger that stemmed from my childhood. I felt especially more hurt because I was triggered by my childhood trauma, but that doesn’t mean I distorted the reality and took her the wrong way all the time.
I didn’t scare her in the beginning for her to lie to me for two months. I simply said that she lied about it, but even after I asked her to clear up the relationship, she lied to me several times more until that relationship ended completely.
I didn’t create any problem yesterday. I worked late at the company to distract myself, and got on the bus to go back home. It was long and scary rides, as I’ve never been on a bus in this city or at this time. After I got off the bus, I ran between cars and bushes to walk back home. I was scared, and I was sad.
She said she would be back home by 8:30PM, but she didn’t. I came back home at 9:30PM and asked here where she was, and she didn’t answer me. I waited outside the apartment for 30 minutes, because I didn’t have a key. After she went to play pickleball, she went to eat ice cream with them. We had a promise to eat dinner together. She just simply ignored me because it didn’t matter, or maybe she wants to escape the situation again.
After she came back, I cried quietly for 5 minutes. I told her “I’m someone’s daughter too. Just like you are your parent’s precious daughter, I am my mom’s and my dad’s daughter.” I didn’t want to feel anymore emotion and once again she didn’t talk, so we ordered a pizza and ate together. I did my best to not cause a scene anymore.
My fault here is staying in the relationship even though I was lied to several times and felt extremely hurt. Instead of leaving when I needed to, I latched on to it and tried to control the situation in a violent way.
Thank you for all the comments, I appreciate that this is a space that I can talk about my feelings honestly.
October 11, 2024 at 10:51 am #438676anitaParticipantDear CutieJ:
You are welcome. Your 9-days visit with her has ended, I am glad you made it home safely.
Beginning of visit: “I came to her place today. She picked me up at the airport” (Oct 2),
Ending of visit: “I worked late at the company to distract myself, and got on the bus to go back home. It was long and scary rides, as I’ve never been on a bus in this city or at this time. After I got off the bus, I ran between cars and bushes to walk back home” (Oct 11).
You arrived to her place, her city by plane and returned to your place, your city by bus? Was it a very long bus ride?
Did the two of you break up, or are you still in a relationship?
anita
October 11, 2024 at 7:57 pm #438682HelcatParticipantHi CutieJ
Well done on controlling your emotions and behaviour despite another lie. You are right, she has treat you terribly. It is awful to leave someone waiting outside of a house with no place to go. You would not have succeeded if not for your willingness to reflect on your own mistakes and improve. You were aware of the situation, you were aware of your difficulties and you were able to prepare and successfully managed your emotions and behaviour.
There was mutual abuse in this relationship. You didn’t deserve to be abused by her, nor she you. Your childhood is the reason you stayed in this unhealthy relationship, it is the reason you have difficulty managing your emotions and behaviour. You need to get to the point where when someone treats you badly you can leave.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
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