Dear Howard Smith:

You suggested in these two lines that your beauty is not in your looks. Are you beautiful any other way?

anita

I often feel this way, also. I’m sure that many others feel this way, too, regardless of how they actually look. One thing that has helped me is this: I think about the people I’ve known that I respect most in life. You know, those people you think are just amazing humans. Then I consider: How good looking are they? Guess what? They aren’t necessarily good looking at all! Their looks have NOTHING to do with why I value them. Then I think of some good looking people I know. Yes, I may envy them and their looks. But again – guess what? Their looks don’t affect how I truly feel about them as friends or people in any way! I have a couple of friends who happen to be wonderful AND good looking. But interestingly, I don’t really think of them as good looking. Again, their value has nothing to do with their looks. Beyond being used as a tool to make quick, superficial judgments or to litter a website, LOOKS ARE IRRELEVANT. It is hard for me to remember this. I must remind myself of it 20 times an hour. But, it is true. I would be so much happier if I could truly embrace it. Maybe you can embrace it, too. You are soooo much more than your physical package. Think about everything that makes life meaningful. Almost all of it is invisible.

Whatever weaknesses we have, we are given strengths as well. No one has everything. It may appear that they do or that we wish we had what they have.

Physical beauty is over-rated. It shows the superficiality of life.

Are you healthy? Are you in chronic pain? If you are healthy and not in pain then you have so much going for you. I am not making light of your feelings or saying… ” just be thankful for what you have” I understand your feelings. I am just saying that given the choice would you give up your health or take- on illness if it could give you physical looks that you want? Maybe you would. There is nothing wrong with that.

If a man will hit the gym and exude confidence that is all that matters. For a man to be attractive all he has to do is possess a good self esteem and work out. I know a man right now who has the same characteristics that you describe about yourself but he is funny and works out and his passion makes him very attractive.

Being too into yourself will drag you down.

I hope I am not coming across as non-supportive. I feel you. I am just trying to offer you some hope. Blessings to you.

This breaks my heart, but I get it. I will be honest…at my ripe old age of 47 and recently divorced, when I walk into a room, I am drawn to the man who is confident and interesting. Not the best looking one. I think we all have an appreciation for physical beauty. But that doesn’t make for a beautiful “growing old together” situation.

Learn to love yourself and it will outshine your physical appearance. Anyone worth your time will see it.