Since crying may be considered inappropriate by society, we tend to hold our tears in. If this practice is something you would like to leave behind, you might begin with a more acessible form of letting out your emotions.

For such a case, artwork can help. If you can put away thoughts of good and bad artwork for awhile and simply focus on what you would like to express, not only will you discover that your emotions are lightened, but your natural tears will return.

Any medium will do, any that you have at hand, or have in mind.

Dear Shari:

It is possible that the “dark night of the soul” you mentioned in your first thread (“Two years ago I underwent a very serious spiritual emergence that included a 124 Day dark night of the soul”) was a temporary spiritual experience, meaning, as I understand it:  a transformative experience from Ego/Thinking => Soul/ Buddha Nature: transforming from experiencing life outside the flow of life, predominantly thinking  =>  experiencing life within the flow of life, predominantly feeling/ knowing (similarly to how animals with no words-thoughts, know).

It is also possible that part of your dark-night-of-the-soul experience has been and still is a depersonalization experience: “Depersonalization can consist of a detachment within the self, regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, lacking in significance or being outside reality while looking in. It can be described as feeling like one is on ‘autopilot’ and that the person’s sense of individuality or selfhood has been hindered or suppressed… chronic depersonalization is more related to individuals who have experienced a severe trauma  or prolonged stress/anxiety” (Wikipedia).

It is possible that the reason you Cannot Cry, the reason why you feel unable to bring your agony  from your inside to the outside, as tears (“when I am feeling agony inside, I am unable to cry tears or express myself to drain the sadness out of me. It all stays kept inside“) is that you are depersonalized: “Individuals who experience depersonalization feel divorced from their own personal self by sensing their body sensations, feelings, emotions, behaviors etc. as not belonging to the same person or identity” (Wikipedia).

“It all stays kept inside where I am full up and cannot tolerate much more. I am worried I may have a break-down of some sort if I don’t face my feelings and let things go” – the main therapy suggested for chronic depersonalization is psychotherapy.

anita

Anita, thank you for your support)