Hi Felix

The whole social media dating, meet up… whatever its called doesn’t make much sense to me and I suspect many find it frustrating.

I had a friend who did the online dating thing which worked for her however she understood it was about the numbers and was prepared for a lot of rejection and rejecting. She never took a rejection personal. That took a great deal of self awareness on her part.  I suspect that those of us that are sensitive that method isn’t going to work well. It sucks to feel ‘rejected’ but it equally sucks to be the one doing the rejecting.

My suggestion then would be to work on your personal awareness. What can you handle what can’t you? Social media interaction may not be your thing if you can’t detach your sense as self from the experience.  Our their any activities, sport’s that you enjoy? Maybe join a group and interact their. (Just don’t be that guy that join a group with the ulterior motive. Join because you enjoy the activity allowing those around you to see you. You will make friends and from their who knows.) Joining a dance class is a excellent place to practice letting go of insecurities.

Why is it girls always do this to me? I have already take every advice in improving myself and try to love myself (i have accept my short height) to improve me in being confident to chase a girl. But when i try to get close they immediately go away like that. I feel so sad right now i dont know what to do, i really wanna cry and now i also feel scared that most of the girls that im attracted to will most likely ignore me. I dont know if its just me being unattractive or im wrong in the way im approaching them through texts. I feel being treated unfair for my relationship life.

Hi Felix!

You might feel better if you manage your expectations a little bit.  Instagram isn’t really a dating site. Some people might be on there hoping to meet new people, but most are on there to just share their lives. So the fact that the girls didn’t seem interested in continuing a conversation with you might not actually have anything at all to do with you.  They might not like private messaging with people they aren’t good friends with. They might have been busy and unable to talk at that time or just didn’t feel like chatting. There could be any number of reasons why they stopped responding, but you will only get hurt if you keep expecting that getting close to someone should make them fall for you, because they might not…. even if they do find you attractive.  I’ve had a lot of guys message me on social media sites like Instagram and Facebook, trying to make small talk, but I’m not interested in dating that way (I’m not on any dating sites or apps) and small talk doesn’t really make me feel interested in someone, even if I think they’re good looking. I’m sure a lot of other girls feel the same. So again, it’s probably not about you.

So if you’re looking to date, instead of trying to chat with new girls on Instagram, join some dating sites or see if there are any fun group activities in your town where you might meet new people and get to know them in person (which is SO much better than trying to gain interest through text message)…. BUT keep in mind that you will not be everyone’s cup of tea, just like not everyone will be yours. That’s how it is with everyone, no matter who they are or what they look like.  As the saying goes…. “You may be the ripest, juiciest peach, but there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches.”

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Valora.

Dear Felix:

Let’s look at the question you asked: “Do you think she’ll be disgusted/ turned off when we meet.. or do you think she’ll feel like nothing happened?”-

-no one can answer this question but her if and when she meets you.

I am not her. I can’t tell how she will feel meeting you any more than she can tell how I will feel when I meet someone she doesn’t know later today.

“I’m asking the same question to see if most people answer the same question then it’s likely to be that answer”-

– back to your question, let’s say most people answer you that she will “feel like nothing happened”. Then you meet her and she feels like something did happen. The answer of most people is of no importance to you, is it?

When you have a question, think: whose answer do you need, whose answer will make a practical difference for you?

anita