Dear Caroline:

CoNgRaTuLTiOns for your first day at your new job! I hope that the second day feels better than the first.

“Everyone is new here for me and everything is new“- with some time, everyone and everything will not be new to you anymore, and you will find some comfort in the familiarity and routines of people and things.

“I am scared of working late. It tires me. I am scared of the changes… I don’t know where to find comfort“- when you feel scared like this and you are alone, do what I just did: I hugged myself for a long moment, placed my arms around my shoulders and squeezed, and I said to myself: it’s okay. It will be okay today.

Remind yourself, when you feel scared, that feelings do change, and therefore, you will not always feel scared;  that you will be back to the good space in your head that you felt back in Oct 9 when you anticipated this new job: “I am starting next month and I know it will be hard but I am prepared for difficulties and I will take responsibility for my decision. I am sure if it’s too hard I will make it work somehow or change job in two years perhaps. But I am in a good space in my head”.

And please do vent here any time you feel like it. I would like to read from you whenever you post!

anita

Dear Caroline:

I read a bit of your post and want to read thoroughly and reply when I am back to the computer (on my way out now).

anita

Dear Caroline:

(I am adding the boldface feature to the quote): “I have been so caught up in my ‘misery’ I forgot I should be happy…  it’s similar to every change in my life that I go through. Regardless if it’s good or bad I always see it as a dark, lonely place. Maybe it’s because in my childhood no one really was there for me when I changed schools, lost friends etc.”-

– You’ve been indeed caught up in your childhood, a dark and lonely childhood where no one was really there for you. When as a child, you could depend on the familiarity of places, people and routine, it helped somewhat. But when changes happened and you lost the little you could depend on (ex., familiar school, familiar people/peers/friends),  you had nothing and no one to depend on.

“I notice I start obsessing again. It’s always there in those moments. I have this colleague in new team, I really want her to like me…  all I think about it how to make her like me… I really want her to like me“- you are looking for.. someone to depend on.

As a child, you were too lonely for too long, and that’s the dark and lonely place in your mind and heart now. The solution is indeed to find someone you can depend on, and that someone has to be you.

The child within you (for whom there is no past vs present; it’s always present, always Now, no matter your age) needs you to depend on, so that she is no longer alone. There are workbooks that present exercises for the communication between an adult and the adult’s inner child. I don’t think that we discussed the topic of the inner child, have we?

anita

Dear Caroline:

I was introduced to the topic of the inner child by John Bradshaw in his book: Homecoming: reclaiming and championing your inner child. Can you download it, or find excerpts from the book and read. Or listen to an audio of the book, and then get back to me and tell me your thoughts about it?

You are not sure that the employers are trying to use you, right? Can there be another explanation as to why you are given more work than other people (other people doing the same type work as you and getting paid the same.. or more)?

I feel sad that you are so unhappy with the late hours and I wonder if you get enough rest and sleep…?

anita

How are you Caroline?

anita