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I could really use some help, im totally lost.

HomeForumsPurposeI could really use some help, im totally lost.

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #46302
    douglas
    Participant

    without divulging my life story, i can only say that i am now 21 and have no direction in life, a shitty job, absolutely no skills, talents or passion to do anything. i feel as though my whole life is one long corridor full of locked doors. ive tried music and had the joy sucked out of it through choosing to study it educationally, and now creating, or even listening to music is just not enjoyable for me. i need to find my next passion in life and i have no idea where to begin or what to do. ive tried art, i tried writing, i tried becoming politically aware to articulate my beliefs better, this just led me to feel depressed and helpless and in the end, very small. i tried mountain biking, i tried working, i tried my hand at so many things to discover i was either completly useless at it, or mediocre at best. i have no passion, i cant hold interest in anything, i just wake up, go to work in my horrible job, and then come home and helplessly trawl thorugh books, websites and so n searching for anything to make me feel whole again. i cant go back to uni to study anything as i have none of the right qualifications to study anything other than sodding music. id happily go back to the basics and pursue a subject from the ground up, but how can i make the decision as to what to invest my life in, when i cant find a single god damn thing i can do / want to do.

    when i picture my brain all i see is a cloud of pure chaos.

    #46303
    Joseph
    Participant

    Douglas

    Imagine someone else doing something really cool with their life. What do you see this person enjoying most? What do you find this person is most excited to learn. What energizes this person. Then decide if what you have imagined makes sense for you and you can start doing it.

    You are only 21, there are so many paths to a good living and fulfilled life that you have available to you as its early in the game.

    #46308
    Matt
    Participant

    Douglas,

    I’m sorry for the chaos and meaninglessness you experience, and know how difficult it can be to maintain the momentum for a dream our heart does not get behind. Sometimes when we’ve tried and given up many dreams, we feel a fear that there is no dream in our heart, that no path offers us joy. Don’t despair, dear brother, there is always a path to joy. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    There is a term that is often now thrown around casually called namaste. It means, basically, that the Buddha in me bows to the Buddha in you. Its used as an honorific, as a greeting. For me, however, it represents a fundamental truth of humankind. Inside each of us rests the potential to become a buddha… to become a hero of love and light. However, as you’ve noticed, our mind can be chaotic and heavy. Thoughts race here and there… our failures accumulate into criticism, self immolation, and panic. This is normal and usual, and there is nothing about you that is odd or unusual. Yes, you are stuck. Yes, you have a chaotic mind. That’s fine, it happens to most of us. The problem most of us face is we think its because of the outside. The shitty grocery job you hate, the loss of momentum in basketball, the wishing to sleep for years… these are not the source of your problems, they are the symptoms. This is actually good news, because a good job or a dream you can follow is also not the solution. The solution is learning to quiet your mind, to intentionally cultivate happiness inside you. Then, grocery or basketball, here or there, sleeping or awake, you will carry your happiness with you.

    My guess is that you are highly empathetic. Said differently, perhaps why the dreams have faded so quickly for you is because you intuitively know that the result won’t bring you joy. This is such a great starting point, brother, because it allows us to sidestep the trap of materialism. Said differently, because your dreams have failed to come true, you’re in a place to see that dreams coming true doesn’t bring us happiness. The happiness is inside us or not, depending on what we do with the time we have.

    That being said, its all just hibbity jab theory until something actually changes in the way we feel and think. You asked for a starting point for your path of recovery, and that starting point is putting your butt on a meditation cushion and learning how to wield your body. That’s where the magic is, dear brother, not in money or fame. Consider a two part solution. The first is in learning to concentrate your attention, which is done through breath meditation. Consider searching for “ajahn jayasaro counting breaths” on YouTube. This will provide a practical, doable instruction on using your brain to concentrate. Often, (such as attempts to meditate in the past) instead of using the cushion to our benefit, it unintentionally becomes a time where we just bounce through thoughts over and over, like watching a chaotic movie with no plot. However, intention is not enough, it needs to be skillful intention. So, start with counting breaths, and as you learn what a quiet mind is like, you can switch to just breath meditation.

    The second aspect of the path of healing is a metta practice. Consider searching YouTube for “guided metta meditation” and checking out (following along with the actions and visuals described) a few of them. Metta is the energy of loving kindness, and is the fuel our heart needs. You complain that you feel icky and stagnant, which seems like a never ending swamp of broken dreams and visions. Its not. That’s just the feeling that arises when we are emotionally hungry, and do not know how to find food. Metta is the food. What metta will do is turn your mind away from the outside as a source of light, as though a better job, a more vibrant dream will give you the joy you seek. Instead, it grows the light inside you, so that no matter where you go, the light will be inside you, the joy deep and strong.

    If you were to consider these as the equivilent of physical therapy exercises, don’t despair if the results at first seem to fade quickly or are difficult to stabilize. It takes time. My suggestion would be to do about 20-30 minutes of metta practice as early in the day as you can, then counting breaths for 10 minutes immediately following if you can. This will help your mind become calm, peaceful and smooth, which will make it fertile to experience the joy that is available all around and within you. Even only a week of such a practice should provide a lot of relief and change, and you deserve such tender care after the shadowy path you’ve been through.

    Good luck, and feel free to ask more questions! Its a great way to learn. Namaste, brother.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #46346
    Al
    Participant

    Having given up on all those endeavors at your young age, some which you cannot be proficient at unless you give them a good chunk of years, presumes that you give up easily and definitely too early to establish any sort of satisfiable results. And, perhaps that is why you have not learned to enjoy them. Like most, it is easy to compare your work to others and find it dismal, as is proved in your insinuation of ‘ i was either completly useless at it, or mediocre at best’, which is definitely the wrong way to see anything. Though the end results are of significance do not forget that the in-between is what really of matter. The journey may be arduous and slow going, so slow that sometimes it feels like we are not progressing, but it is better than not having attempted and regretting it all when it’s too late. Additionally, understand that everyone learns at different rates. If you and I both decided to learn to play the guitar at the same time you would find that we would be at different levels after 3 years. So give yourself more time in your endeavors. Regardless of the outcome you will have gained something from it. And, it’s definitely possible to discover another passion while currently pursuing one.

    As far as finding WHAT to pursue I will say: you are still young, do not feel discouraged. Most importantly, do not feel rushed. We live our lives as it’s meant to; nothing more, nothing less. I do, however, highly admire your sense of exploration. I believe whole-heartedly that you will eventually come to find something you will fall in love with if you continue on that path. Try recognize and garner all the beauty around you every single day. It may help invigorate you.

    Best of luck to you,
    Al

    #46355
    Lisa
    Participant

    This is my very first post, having just discovered and registered to this site within the last half hour. I came to the site through a link on Psych Central, to which I subscribe for newsletters. It seems possible to me that you are clinicially depressed, and that feelings of low motivation, loss of interest and pleasure in things you previously enjoyed, and the feeling that life is a corridor of locked doors or that the mind is a cloud of chaos could clear up with the appropriate treatment. I wonder if a site for spiritual seekers might not have a bias against psychoactive medications, so I hesitated before answering, But if you haven’t seen a doctor yet I strongly feel you should consider doing so. I have noticed when recovering from depression that one of the first things to return is the zing of pleasure I get from listening to music. Talk therapy, especially cognitive therapy, is also extremely helpful, and is far more targeted to your particular situation than anything you can receive online. This is not to say that the posts from Joseph, Matt or Al are not wise or helpful, every post was very good. Since my experience is with a mood disorder that has responded well to talk therapy and medication, this is where I am coming from.
    I turn 51 on Tuesday, it seems like yesterday to me that I was 21. I hold you in tender regard.

    #46367
    Kline
    Participant

    It is interesting to me that at every age we at we feel like the NOW is so crucial. I feel like if I were 21 again, I would just totally relax, and say, hey I am going to sit with life for a long time, and figure out what is important. I try to do that now, but there is still a feeling that creeps in – I am supposed to have life figured out NOW. I am 35 years old.
    Take this time as an opportunity. Being bored is a great wake up call. Think of it like this – you could be in a job you sort of liked, and refuse to ask questions about it. But you are asking questions. Keep asking. You will always need to ask. But these feelings you are experiencing now will pass. I think what Matthew says is important. Meditation teaches us that we are not our feelings, and that there is something precious in just simply being alive, in just simply moving our arms, or opening our eyes in the morning, even if didn’t get up the whole day.
    About your job – I hated my job when I was your age. Looking back it, I wish I had said – this job really doesn’t matter. I am going to make it fun, even if I have to break all the rules and get fired. I am going to go out on limb, see what is out there – right there at my job, and do what I want to have some sort of good time. Try just talking to random people about anything at all, even if you don’t get any work done. You are in a great spot to explore, and learn. Just sit with it. And look at it. And see what happens next.

    #46368
    Morgan
    Participant

    Hey Douglas,

    I know how it is to come out of formal education so scarred that it’s hard to take joy in anything any more. The good news is, having it all figured out, becoming some famous musician (or writer, or whatnot) and living happily ever after is a total illusion.

    Eckhart Tolle has an interesting idea that we have two purposes in life. One is the outer purpose, what you do, and that changes depending on you circumstance. The other is your inner purpose, which is the same for all of us. The inner purpose is to awaken – to find joy in being right here right now, shutting up your mind and not worrying about the past or the future. That’s it. Just be quiet, present, and find happiness.

    Thich Naht Han also has some really good books on being okay where you are. Just breathe, look for the good in this moment (for example, you probably aren’t being trampled by wildebeast as you read this… that’s an up side, right?), and let go of needing to know. No one really knows.

    Once you’re okay, make exploring your purpose for a while. Seek what brings you peace and happiness. And know that, while you can pretty much always find peace and happiness in the moment, there is something out there for you. Deepak Chopra has an interesting theory that we all have this unique way of serving the world, and we just need to focus on how what we love and are good at can be used to help others.

    You are awesome at something the world needs. You just don’t know it yet. But one thing I’ve learned – it is *never* some career catalog skill. You are way too unique to just be good at music. And even once you find it… it won’t guide your life. Being a good person and being happy is an entirely separate pursuit from finding a skill to dedicate yourself to learning.

    If you meditate… or if you just want to try it… it helps me sometimes to ask the universe for guidance, and then just sit down, be quiet, and wait for a few hours. Sometimes we are too busy looking for answers to hear what the universe is saying. So just ask, stop looking, and be quiet for a bit. Your heart does know the way (as they say), but it doesn’t speak in words. So practice listening in it’s language.

    You’ll find it Douglas. An on the up side, you are way ahead of a lot of people who think they have it all figured out, who won’t realize they aren’t doing what brings them meaning for another 30 years. You are looking. You are exactly where you need to be. I promise. 🙂

    #49730
    Howard Williams
    Participant

    Douglas, are you looking outside of yourself for the answers? Life is the question, what is your answer? Good grief young man you’re 21. You have every opportunity in the world to do things differently. If you don’t like your world as it is, change it. You might start working on upgrading yourself in terms of integrity, boundaries, values and beliefs. You become your answer.

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