Dear Don,

Thank you for your reply. I do not mind you reading, however, it will take a while before I reply to you. I will first focus on the replies to anita and TeaK.

Kibou

Dear anita,

Thank you for your replies and patience.

This reply is going to be a bit different from the rest. So too will the other replies be for the other participants on this forum?

What you shared with me about communication helped me a lot and try to change some of my communication ways. At least for when I am expressing my emotions. . At first, I thought, this kind of contradicts the saying “be who you are.” Because I have to change again in order for people to better understand me and see things from my side.

If I ground my emotions in “reality of actions and events” I feel like I need to write a lot to explain the complextiy. I might be defending people in my stories, especially my mom, but that is because the story is more complex. I don’t want people to get the wrong impressions of these people, since they do affect how people view others.  Also, I do not know how much to share of their stories, because it is not my story to tell.

anita, everything you mention starting from

“Also, many readers simplify what they read according to the distorted thinking known as black and white thinking, and so, they miss on the complexity of what is presented. I make mistakes too, of course, and am still working on thinking more accurately and seeing the complexity in situations.”

and onwards made me feel understood because I was thinking about these things but did not know how to express them in words. I reflect on such things when I share emotional information with others, including participants on this forum.

Also, thanks for your help and understanding.

I could continue to explain further my situation or past, but I do not think there any need anymore. I am happy that people got to see that because of circumstances my situation is complex and that there is no one to blame. Instead, I will give a summary of the things I learned.

I was heard by the people I needed to hear me most. I received help in areas I can improve to better explain myself. Thanks to the help of others, I got to see how I actually have had many deep connections with others. But because I used to compare them to others and those portrayed in media, I thought I had very little to no close friends. I learned to receive support better. I learned that all of my feelings were valid and justified. I learned to accept that people (physically) leave your life. I learned to feel all of my emotions by going through each repressed emotion. I learned to name the emotions I am feeling. I was able to see all of my strengths and other good traits, and not hide what I have to share in fear of hurting someone. I learned a lot more about psychology, holistic alternatives, and energy. I learned to take a break (it is a lot harder than people think). I learned to see that I am part of a reason for why people smile or have been inspired and made changes for the better. I learned to voice my needs (still practicing a lot). I learned to reach out for help. I learned to say no. I learned that I was over-giving and hence the love I gave was not always “authentic.” (Sometimes it was more for my needs than others). I learned that I have a pet peeve for unreplied messages, but also am getting more patient. It turns out some people do come back in your life. I learned to let go (still can need a lot of improvement). Basically, I learned a lot.

Last but not least, I no longer feel abandoned, nor has the wound been coming up for a long time. It does not mean that I never get sad about sad memories, but I no longer have a negative thought running in my mind that says “I feel abandoned.” 😊

Kibou

Dear Don,

Thanks for your patience.

I am 23. I hope from the previous messages on this forum you are able to see the complexity and the several challenges I was facing. I don’t think the problem for me was recognizing my situation, but accepting my situation. I also think the number of repressed/suppressed emotions that I had for the extended parts of my life (it does cover a decade of me isolating myself, but I was not aware I was doing it until last year) made it hard for me to accept things. But hey, we all continue to learn new things 🙂

Yes, I have “gone” from others’ life too, but because I was always on the ending side of writing the last letter, email, or message it felt predominantly that people are leaving me.

I think I can see life as a tree better now. Although I’ve been moving/traveling a lot for the past 20 years it still was one of the hardest things to accept. I do not if you can relate and now I am specifically talking in the context of moving/traveling. I used to feel “homeless” and feel little that I belonged anywhere. It was more like I am from “between countries/cultures.” As of the end of last year, the belonging part updated to “I feel like I belong everywhere, but thus nowhere.” Now, I say that “home is within me; it is all the places, people, and memories I have made across the world.”

Kibou

Dear anita,

Thank your reply, help/support, and kind words throughout this journey. 🙂

Thanks also for respecting my wish.

Kibou