After nearly a decade of friendship, I let a few of my “closest friends” go at the end of  2019. I finally outgrew them. I don’t enjoy them at all anymore. The thought of them makes me angry.

I try to avoid confrontation so after a group vacation with them in September I finally realized that I was the pushover friend that organized everything and really didn’t get anything back for my efforts. My friends didn’t feel like friends.

My “best friend” was incredibly mean to me on the trip when I went into her room sick towards the end of the trip and yelled at me to let her sleep unless I needed to go to the hospital. I did go to the hospital but I felt like a burden after that and no one else went to check on me when they learned that I was there.

That same friend that yelled at me,  I asked her to bring two dishes for Thanksgiving as I cook the whole thing and her response was “no that’s too much” and just brought bread stuffing and nothing else after I cooked for two days and spent so much on the dinner. I wanted to tell her it wasn’t an option but I knew I would be ending the friendship then and I wasn’t ready to pull the trigger just yet. So I said nothing.

I don’t want to be walked over anymore so I canceled my Christmas party when I felt no one was putting in any effort or really cared to help with it. I told them not to contact me again after I was included in a text that showed worry over their gifts for the gift exchange and statements like “oh it’s canceled? oh well, what do we do now?” No one reached out to me to ask why it was canceled so I felt justified in my decision to cut these people out of my life. I don’t even know why I was included in that chat when they obviously could have cared less about the effort I put into my holiday parties.

Unfortunately, I have been wrapped up in this frivolous lawsuit for about the last three years. Originally I was my own defense. One of the friends I cut loose wrote an avadavat and mentioned evidence that she was holding. The same friend that yelled at me when I was sick. I needed evidence on her phone or I could lose my case, so I had to talk to her. I asked her for this she refused to meet with me. She went through hoops to get the messages herself and then when she failed she still would not meet with me for me to get this very important evidence. She was so stubborn. I always knew any confrontation with her would result in an argument so I avoided it, but I finally put my foot down and did not let her walk over me. I told her I needed the evidence she is legally withholding evidence from a supreme court case and I will subpoena her phone away from her so she needed to cooperate. Still, she refused and resorted to telling me to have my lawyer call her.  This the person I called my best friend for 8 years. Such a stubborn, selfish, and horrible thing to do in my opinion. This case has given me so much stress over the years and she’s adding weight to the boulder I have been pushing uphill for the last three years over a text message on her phone.

I’m not really sure what the point of this post is. Part of me wanted to vent. Part of me wanted validation for cutting these people out of my life, or not validation if anyone feels I overreacted.

I have felt mentally uncomfortable for about a week now over this entire situation and just wanted to write it down and get some feedback that might help me move past this feeling of cutting people out of my life.

I have other friends but this is stressful for me and also needing the evidence or I could lose my case adds to this stress.