Hi there Veronica,
Aside from the regular advice of going to get help and seeking it from a professional therapist or psychiatric doctor, I would care to ask you what has made you want to think about ending your life and the reasons behind them. Whenever we experience negative thoughts or have fears surrounding a concern, most of the time we give just plain and dry responses. Regarding your situation your response to why you feel depressed is due to the fact that you are feeling empty. What in your past has caused you to feel empty and emotionally drained?
With positive affirmations, the key here is to incorporate them into a daily habit. What I mean by this is that everyone not just yourself benefits greatly from reading positive affirmations or goals each morning and every night. It is especially essential in the morning because what we read and see seeps down deep into our subconscious mind and carries on during the rest of the day and in our future.
Thank You and Take Care
-AP85

Dear veronica111:

Can you remember when this feeling of “empty and lost” started? Was your life as a child empty?

anita

Dear veronic111:

I think there is a good chance that your present experience has something to do with your childhood, especially if you can’t remember much of it.

What do you remember and what is your past and present relationships with your parents like?

anita

Dear veronica111:

It is very scary for a little girl, very, very scary to see her mother unconscious and bloody. It is scary for a child to see or hear her parents fighting, especially after seeing her mother unconscious. As a child, you no longer feel safe. Danger is always to happen next. I think you feel numb often because it is overwhelming to be afraid for so long, so the brain numbs itself. It is also tiring to be scared for so long.

The title of your thread: “I don’t wanna live anymore”- understandably, you don’t want this kind of life.

Clearly, best for you to attend competent psychotherapy so to look into and start the slow process of healing from your childhood injury/ trauma.

anita

Dear veronica111:

You are welcome. Please do post again, here. Tell more of your story, your childhood, your life. Anything you want to share. I want to know more and will reply any time that you post.

anita

Dear veronica111:

You are welcome. I like you using the word “better” instead of “wonderful”- the first is realistic (when you are feeling better), the second wishful thinking (when you are not feeling wonderful). Being true to reality is the principle behind my own healing. Wishful thinking, the tricking of the mind into thinking this way or that way, is unhelpful for healing.

Neuroplasticity is what makes healing possible- it is the gradual slow re-wiring of the brain, loosening/ weakening old connections between nerve cells in the brain, and forming/ strengthening new connections.

Post anytime.

anita

Hi Veronica,

I am truly happy that you are thinking in the right direction. You mentioned that you used to meditate. Your mind drags you one direction and you try to bring it back to normal. Life is the same. Job is least of the things you have to worry about. You will get a life of information over internet. Always see the part of life that we were lucky to have and try to fill in the rest of the puzzle. Keep us posted.