I feel all alone

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This topic has 14 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Lisa.

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April 26, 2015 at 12:03 pm #75837

Jas
Participant

I have no one that loves me/supports me.My family only contacts me when they need something,and people that I know are the same way.I have been through so much in life,but no one was there to lend me a shoulder to cry on.And if I shared anything then every one just judged me.I am so afraid of sharing anything that what if people will judge me.Does any one else out there feel the same that you are all alone?Can any one else relate to what I am going through?Please guide me how do I get through with such a heavy burden?Thank you.

April 26, 2015 at 12:31 pm #75838

Adam
Participant

I once believed as you did, my friend. That God had turned a blind eye to me as I felt most people already did. It was almost like I had this unwanted ability to disappear which left me so alone. I never felt more alone than I did at that point but then something unpredictable and magnificent happened; I began to love others regardless of what they showed me. I began to accept others for not treating me the way I wanted to be treated and I let go of the anger I had towards them.

When I chose to love these people, I was free from the prison that loneliness is. I felt connected to the trees and flowers that no one gave a damn about. I fell in love with the silent savior of nature and within nature, I found God. Love is the answer and if you choose to love, you will begin to connect so deeply with the world around you that it will be impossible to ever feel alone again. I speak from the truth of my experiences and the happiness that is in my life now.

Choose to fight loneliness with love and you will find what you’re looking for.

Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com

Good luck to you.

April 26, 2015 at 10:07 pm #75846

Anonymous
Inactive

Dear Jas,

I am so sorry you are in pain. Believe me, i know how it feels to not feel loved, supported or connected to anyone. It actually is equivalent to physical pain. For me, I have concluded over time, love some people anyway. Find your place of peace within – these days, i have devoted more time to my well-being, whenever i feel the depression, anxiety and stress overwhelming me, i pen it down, talk about how i feel on the webcam, listen to some music or sleep it off.

I live alone and when i feel too lonely and sad, i go out or just make plans with someone – the only difference is that i dont turn into oh poor me, everything is so sad, please support me. Some may disagree with my approach but now i am learning to smile despite the pain. It is wonderful to share it with someone no doubt but yeah, if it gets too overwhelming for you, perhaps try 7cupsoftea.com or HealthfulChat, perhaps talk to a therapist. Its a good site to talk to someone. Maybe find a creative outlet to unleash it.

Shift the focus away from the world rejecting you to how much you can do for yourself everyday and what little things you can do to be of service to others, whether or not they necessarily reciprocate. When i feel really bad, i think of the kids at the children’s home i used to volunteer in – they are all under 10 and most dont have parents, some lived on the streets – who do they truly have to call their own? It could have been way way worse for them even.

I know these arent really answers but i guess, this is sort of the way i am going about it…I hope the others give you more feedback and share their stories too.

You will come out of this too, just like you have overcome so much. You are so strong and what you are going through, i wish you realized you arent alone in this. I hope you feel better.

– Lots of love,
Moon

April 27, 2015 at 4:34 am #75851
Inky
Participant
Hi Jas,

Everyone goes through times when they think, or actually are, relatively isolated. I remember I was a young mom living in a new suburban town surrounded by mommies at LEAST ten years older than me! So there I was, 25, surrounded by other parents (some 40), and I felt so alone. Now twenty years later I’m surrounded by my “Tribe” (friends, neighbors and parents of my kids’ friends).

Sometimes, though, the “Tribe” frankly sucks. Some days I have trouble counting on one hand who would be there for me, or even who is still physically here (moving, death, new job).

Some decades, you suddenly realize that you have “outgrown” everyone. (Moving, job, marriage, stage of life, parenthood, out of school).

Also realize that if you’re not Receiving from your friends and family, that sometimes means that they have nothing to Give. Everyone is selfish first. It’s when people feel really good (or have really good breeding) that they feel a yen to give to others.

Hang in There,

Inky
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by Inky.
April 27, 2015 at 8:50 am #75864

Jeff Noble
Participant

Allow me to join the club. I have a job I don’t like, another on the way that now I don’t really want, no family, no friends, and a wife I don’t love. I go through each day self talking myself into just making it one more minute, one more hour. I know there is something better for me, I just have to keep looking as you have to. Don’t give up!

April 27, 2015 at 9:46 am #75866

Denzel
Participant

I am looking at the same issue from the outside. My wife feels very alone and that there is no one who cares for her, yet she cares for others. She feels that she has no friends in the truest sense and our adult children have moved away and are not in our loop much anymore. I am recovering from a mental illness and appreciate the fact that I have been relying more than being relied upon for support, yet I see that she has friends who care deeply about her – and maybe she just doesn’t see it because of her pain and need for support in troubled times (and she has a pile right now, including me).

Telling her that she has those types of friends doesn’t help. My words slide off like teflon. What I’m driving at is unless you are truly alone alone and are living a hermit’s life you do have people in your life and the opportunity for more (as noted above). It’s what’s inside us that keeps us from exploring the options mentioned above – its not always the “others” who have “turned away”.

If anyone has a magic wand for my wife, please wave it now. Thanks.

April 27, 2015 at 11:37 am #75872

Be Well
Participant

I literally “feel your pain.” When you start life with low self-esteem and gain more self-esteem the pains of being a “people pleaser” are traded for feelings of loneliness due to breaking old habits. The positive trade off for me is I feel things more deeply than I ever have before. Both joys and sorrows move me more than I ever have and I count that as a good thing. Feelings of loneliness are acute but so is joy. I get moved to tears by things I see and experience that would have never moved me two or more years ago. Knowing that does not take away the sting of bad times but it does mean things aren’t always bad. When someone (even a opposite sex clerk in a store) treats me with a little extra attention I am appreciative and amazed that it happens at all. I agree with the previous comment that one has to learn to love “in spite of.” It can be frustrating and exhausting but it does have its up sides. One of the positive side benefits of always trying to be positive and kind is that those who would be just the opposite get exposed very easily and one can tell who one’s true friends are. If you have just one true friend it’s a good thing.

After the passing of my parents and being an adopted child my relatives seemed to not really have any overt interest in maintaining a relationship and I now live in a different part of the country so old familiar people just aren’t around. Many of them were not true friends to begin with so at least I know where I stand there.

I do volunteer my time with some people who truly appreciate my efforts and add value to my life. In many ways the adage “It is more blessed to give than to receive” and “It is in giving that we truly receive” has been a truism in my life.

Thank God, Buddha, or Allah that misery doesn’t last forever….

April 27, 2015 at 11:41 am #75873

Jas
Participant

Thank you everybody for sending me your kind thoughts,and messages.I am not trying to have a poor me party,but I truly am all alone.You see it started when I left my controlling husband,and my own family turned on me since then.At first I ran after them to get their approval,but then one day it hit me that they are my own family how can they support the man that was so unkind to me,and not see my pain?But talking to my family about that was like talking to a brick wall.No use.And so I thought that’s okay may be I can find a friend,but every one judged me,or found something to blame me that why my husband was abusive?So it became all about blaming me that I must have said or done something for him to be so abusive to me.That it was my fault.No one ever said how could he do that?Every one just said to me,what did you do?So I stopped sharing my feelings with friends.I thought friends and family are there for you when life blows.They are your ultimate support system.But in my case that wasn’t so.And it’s been a while,since I left my husband.But now it starting to bother me that how my own family blamed me?That how I have no one that can just offer a shoulder to lean on?I am not asking for much here,am I?There are people that kill,rob,do all kinds of hurtful thing,but even they have family and friends that are in their corner.Am I worse than them that no one wants to be in my corner?

I was feeling so down and low that I decided to post here,hoping for some answers,or some kind of validation I think.I feel ashamed that in this big world where there are over 4 billion people and I can’t find one person that’s there for me without judging me?Or blaming me?Thank you for this forum that I can express myself.

April 27, 2015 at 1:04 pm #75874

Be Well
Participant

You are validated!! What I am learning is that as soon as I open my mouth (even in a supportive environment) I expose myself to other people’s perceptions. What I really want is to believe how I feel about something and rest in that but even under the best conditions when I leave myself open to other’s opinions it’s like leading with my chin (boxing term.)

I still have many defeatist thinking patterns that need to be changed. I am getting exactly what I work for because everything is a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Old habits die hard. What a waste of time I have used to think negative thoughts. I have hurt myself and my potential and happiness through my own thinking.

Please help me God, Buddha, Allah……

April 27, 2015 at 1:21 pm #75875

Inky
Participant

Hi Jas,

OK, be very careful not to get caught in that mind trap!

I’ve noticed that the friends and family of jerks, rapists, murderers, animal abusers, cheaters, tax evaders, the list goes on, will ALWAYS “Stand by their son/man”. Have you noticed that it’s usually men?? Have you also thought, “Maybe if someone in their life said, ‘No’ to them once in a while maybe they wouldn’t be jerks, rapists, murderers”, you get the idea?

I think jerks and men somehow have a higher social value than nice women. Don’t jump down my throat people, that’s just what I’ve noticed in my own life. Jerky women seem to get away with some stuff, and nice men (when they do something wrong by accident LOL) but the nice girl seems to get steamrolled by the rest of humanity.

My own sister scolded me for inadvertently making her ex-husband feel bad, and the man cheated on her with two different women!!

If it makes you feel any better, there ARE some people who I would ask, “What did you say/do so s/he would act that way??” That could mean that they actually do view you on the same level as him and not a victim. Or, your ex REALLY knows how to play them and manipulate!

April 27, 2015 at 1:38 pm #75876

Jeff Noble
Participant

As a rare “nice guy” I have been shit on all my life. Not asking for pity, just saying the truth. I am constantly amazed by the crap men and women get away with and are forgiven for over and over again. I hope you are able to find some peace and direction.

April 27, 2015 at 2:01 pm #75877

Jordan
Participant

What are you doing to add value to other people?
What are others doing to add value to you?
Do you have a plan for personal growth?

What question do you wish people would ask you?

Have no interest in the things around you?
Disinterest in the people around you?
Don’t see a point to it, whatever ‘it’ is?
Sounds familiar?
Maybe then you’ll find similarities with my story:
My family showed little interest in me or my interests. Always felt like whenever I was excited about something, they were just there to tear me down. I hadn’t connected with physical people in a long time. Became more and more of a shut in. I could not find a like mind, and I became increasingly “lost”. The few people who I could occasionally talk to and get something resembling a conversation began to chastise me for being out of touch with reality.

Little blog post for you, Jas. (This is more or less my mindset throughout the climb out of my emotional hole.):

I found some books and blogs of successful people. Dale Carnegie and his incredibly cheesy titles were so offputting I actually picked up his most famous “How to win friends and influence people”. After reading that my self image had gone to crap because I was doing a lot of things wrong according to the book. So I changed. I put on a show for people. I cared less about me and more for others. I became a hollow kind of happy while searching for ‘my purpose in life’. This hollowness was punctuated by ‘unexplained outbursts completely uncharacteristic of you’.

I became perpetually mad to fill the hollow happy show I gave everyone. It felt like everything I did was to help someone else in their endeavors when I had zero clue how to access what it was I wanted to do. I put together a metaphor of walking around a walled kingdom that was mine with no way to get in. Where everything I did was the equivalent of walking sideways along the wall looking for a way in, collecting things along the way in the hopes of eventually scaling this proverbial wall to gain access to my kingdom. I’d go do jobs and help other people in their kingdoms in hopes of gaining help to gain access to what belonged to me, but I always found myself alone when standing at the edge of what was mine.

Inadvertently, I kindled a fire for personal growth. It began to seep into everything. My job handed me promotions hand over fist. People loved me. I became a people person. At least in public. In private there were still many nights that ended in tears because I was not headed in the direction I felt called to. I didn’t see how what I was doing that day pushed me over the walls into my kingdom. I felt like a king, a leader, without anyone to lead. I’d fallen into such a habit of listening to what everyone else wants, I’ve literally forgotten how to even think about what I want.

3 months ago I was approached by a man who had a vehicle for leadership and wealth. I have never wanted anything more than this. Yet I still struggle in taking it and I don’t understand why. I wonder if I simply have to relearn how to want something and take it for me. Either way, I have never felt so much joy and frustration as when I feel like I’m finally making progress.

TLDR: I digress. Happiness is overrated, progress and growth are far more fulfilling while figuring out how to leave your mark on the world. leave the haters and naysayers in the dust.

When you start doing what it is that you feel you have been called to do, there is nothing short of ceasing the pursuit that can take away your joy.

April 27, 2015 at 2:06 pm #75878
Lisa
Participant
Dear Jas,

My heart-felt thought is that I wanted to introduce you to the most remarkable life affirming philosophy I have ever encountered. I participate in “active” meditation (as opposed to a passive meditation). I chant NAM-MYOHO-RENGE-KYO. This is an invocation that fuses your life with the source of the universe, the Law of Cause and Effect. This chant is part of a Buddhist practice that has helped me change at the core of my life, an inner transformation. I live with more awareness, compassion, wisdom and joy when I chant. Chanting raises my life condition which is similar to our vibration (everything has a vibrational frequency). When my life condition is high, I notice that I live joyously and attract the things that I desire or need. We all need things including safe housing, food, money, love, health, etc. There is a saying in this Buddhism, “Earthly desires lead to Enlightenment”. That means that it is guaranteed that if you chant for the earthly desires that you need in your life, you will not only get the thing you where chanting about, but you will become enlightened at the same time. Awesome, right?! This philosophy centers around the Law of Cause and Effect. If you believe in Karma or have ever heard the phase, “what goes around, comes around,” this is the universal law that makes all that happen. When we make a cause, we get an effect. Similarly, when one tosses a pebble into a pond, the ripples in the water eventually hit the shore. Every second of the day we are making causes and whether we believe in the Law of Cause and Effect or not, those causes generate effects. Today, we know or believe in a sub-law, the Law of Gravity and it works every time whether one believes that it “exists” or not. Newton may have discovered this phenomena and gave it a name, but it was always there. With the understanding of gravity, humans have learned to use it to their advantage to get humongous, jumbo jet airplanes into the sky to transport people all over the world. Just imagine if one could learn to use the Law of Cause and Effect to change their internal and external causes and, in turn, change the destiny of their lives for the better. When one learns to use this universal law (which is above all other sub-laws) they can elevate their lives with greater awareness, universal protection, unlimited good fortune, wisdom, compassion, and absolute happiness. World Peace, through the happiness/enlightenment of every individual, is the goal of this practice. A lofty goal, but obtainable through the self empowerment of each individual and through sharing this knowledge with others. This principal of sharing this knowledge is like the following parable: Give a man a fish and he eats for one day. Teach him to fish and he eats for a life time. There is so much more I can tell you about the benefits of chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo, but the reality is you have to experience it for yourself. Please look into it. I want you to eat for a lifetime. See and read for yourself how you can apply this great philosophy to your life. Don’t let limiting beliefs hold you back. It can be an instantaneous transformation, but you have to make the cause to try. Go to http://WWW.SGI-USA.ORG then click on any of the tabs across the top of the page.

You are connected to me in some mysterious way. Thank you for your courage to reach out. You helped me make a great cause to share this message with you and others. I hope in some deep and meaningful way I have helped.

With Love and Gratitude – L

“Being conscious of our own magnificence includes being conscious of the magnificence of those around you.”
“When people in our life don’t want to change, we change ourselves.”
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by Lisa. Reason: She provided more information
April 27, 2015 at 3:12 pm #75882

Be Well
Participant

I definitely believe in “cause and effect” and Karma….

April 27, 2015 at 4:31 pm #75883

Lisa
Participant

If you believe and you want to break any karmic entanglements that keep popping up, or holding you back from your dreams (or starting a dream) then look up http://WWW.SGI-USA.ORG You can and will feel a difference when you actually make the cause to chant. It works! Been doing it for 25 years and still find something new to learn about myself and my practice daily.
Life is supposed to be joyous! Anyone one who says different has not encountered the correct philosophy.

Love and Gratitude!
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