This man name Justin approached me at school. He was so handsome and breathtaking. He was very respectful always says hi when we see each other. One day, he asked if I had a boyfriend I told him yes. He didn’t get sad or anything, he moved passed it and started to do his own thing. he didn’t give me the attention he used to before I told him I was in a relationship I was thinking to myself, darn if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I would love to go out with him. We eventually became friends and he became friends with my best friends. All four of my friends like Justin also. One day I saw one of my friends give me a hug and I came over and said “no, no”, and pushed her out the way and gave him a hug. I was possessive of him and jealous. Me and my boyfriend broke up, i was thinking now i have a chance, but I didn’t tell Justin or make him aware of it because maybe i felt he didn’t like me and I was scared to tell him. A few months later I got involved in another relationship but I still liked Justin. Few months after that Justin transferred to another university. I was sad, and thinking “Justin is going to leave town, have a baby or get married and forget about me. Soon after that Justin reached out to me online and confessed his feelings for me and told me he’s had crush on me ever since he met me but he never told me because I was always involved with someone and that because I have a boyfriend, he won’t get in between that.

I told him I’ve always had a crush on him to but I never told him because i felt he didn’t like me and I thought he had a girlfriend. (i was lying) He told he has plans to live in another state. I told him I wanted him to stay and not leave. Even though I had a boyfriend, Deep down I wanted him to wait for me. Justin said if me and my boyfriend don’t work out hit him up but he’s not waiting around. I saw him in a picture with a beautiful Jamaican/Cuban girl in a bikini. I was jealous, I sent the girl a friend request because I wanted to see what did she that I didn’t have.

Several months after, me and my boyfriend broke up. This is the second time I didn’t let Justin know that I’m single, i don’t have the courage to tell him. I’m used to a guy coming to me and Justin makes me get chills in my body. Justin’s best friend Steven hit me up on facebook and asked for my number and we started going out for a few months. I figured since Justin hasn’t approach me yet i’ll go out with Steven. Me and Steven took a trip to New York and we ended up having sex. Steven and I were not in a relationship we just fooled and didn’t talk much afterwards, When I came back home I received a message from Justin saying he found out about us and he asked “why did you go out with Steven and when you told me you liked me?”

I was making excuses saying “Steven approached me more than you and asked me out more, I figured you lost interest and I thought you had a girlfriend.” I told I’m sorry but I can’t go out with you. I then told Justin not to give up hope too fast, you never know what will happen in the future! Which was soo foul of me, I still liked Justin, I didn’t want him to leave out of my life, I started to feel guilty. A few months after that I ran into Justin and he started expressing his heart out to me and we left on a good note. Justin then asked for my number on facebook and we started texting and asked to go out with me and I told him i will think about it.

Next thing you know, a guy named Derek who I’ve been going out with for a few months now wanted to be exclusive with me. Me and Derek was now in a relationship. But Justin is still texting me and calling me. I ignore his calls and his texts, He left a voicemail and left a message on facebook to asked whats wrong and why wasn’t I responding to him, I ignored that message to and i felt soo bad. 

I haven’t heard a word from Justin since then and its been a few years. I followed his twitter hoping maybe he would say something to me. He followed me back but didn’t say anything, I followed his other twitter account and followed me back on that one but he didn’t say anything. Its like there’s mystery about him now, i’m not sure how he feels about me I heard from other people that he said I blamed him for the choices I made. 

Where did I go wrong? How do I make this right with him and apologize because its burden that I need to be lifted off.