It’s been couple of weeks since you last posted about this. What have you tried to do in that time to get over your obsession? Have you taken any literal steps to disengage from those thoughts?

If you haven’t done anything, then I think you might have a misunderstanding about how to take care of yourself. Asking and getting advice isn’t going to make you feel better just like seeking and getting a relationship will not change how you feel about yourself. Even if you had the perfect man today, who loved you more than anything, it would not help if you did not understand why he loves you. You have to actively choose to treat yourself in ways that will improve your well-being and everything else will follow.

I can give you my non-professional thoughts on it that are based on my personal experience. It may or may not resonate with you. I do understand what it’s like to be obsessed with something and thinking that a relationship would change everything. It is indeed very difficult to let go of those thoughts and to see things from another perspective. It takes time and effort and the moment you think that you’re in the clear and no longer need to pay attention to your thoughts, it can come back. I don’t say that to discourage you, as doing all the work is definitely worth it and improves the quality of life a lot for the rest of your life. I say it so that you’re aware of the trap of going through the motions or thinking that you all of a sudden wake up one morning and the obsession is gone.

To get better at anything requires practice and that’s the same with thinking and not thinking. Since you’re obsessing, you’ve probably become very good at certain thought patterns that now naturally emerge. You’re at least aware of it, so that’s good. You know that you’re not going to achieve much happiness with those thoughts. If you fight it, you’ll spend more time strenghtening those thoughts. The more you spend time with thought A, the stronger A becomes. So what to do? Consciously steer your thoughts away from A to weaken it. Interrupt the emerging thoughts over and over and over again. Refuse to think about relationships or other people’s relationships. The thoughts will comeback, and every time, you let go of them. You acknowledge, but refuse to have that inner discussion, as it will only lead to problems.

So my solution is to first try to remove the negative self-talk through constant practice. Then when you gain more peace, you can start to focus on self-love. You probably will already start to feel better about yourself when you stop putting yourself down and comparing yourself to others. It takes a huge amount of energy to keep yourself down, and when that energy is no longer used for that purpose and nobody is holding you down, you might automatically feel energized and good.

You might not understand now how much power you have over yourself. You’ve just now chosen to use that power to keep yourself from being the much beloved person that you really are. You’ll learn to use that power through practice. Being aware and consciously choosing which thoughts get to occupy your time over and over and over again. You might not be able to think positive right now, so just try to let go of the negative every time it emerges.

If you haven’t done anything, gather with your friends and clear the misunderstanding. Clear and straight advice for maintaining healthy relationship.