Hey everybody!

So here’s the story. About a year and a half ago, I was lost and I graduated college. I decided to travel. In these travels I met a girl who captivated me. I dont know if she captivated me for the right reasons tho. You see I was a virgin back then. I lost my virginity to some random girl but then I met this girl and I felt a real connection. She was very freaky and that is why I dont know if I was really attracted to her for her or her freakiness. Anyways, we began talking and she came to visit me. I thought this meant something but she had a bf who lived in England (who apparently treated her like crap). So I kept talking to her and I finally won her over and I was happy. But skype chat wasnt enough even though she did play with herself and I got off on it (hence the freakiness). I met another cool but didnt know what to do, should I keep my current long distance gf or go for the new girl? I really felt like I loved her, i payed 120 dollars for flowers to be sent to her. But the lack of a physical relationship was important to me so I made a difficult situation and broke off the relationship and started a new one. Ive been with my current newer gf for almost a year and things have been great. However, I always think about the first one. I imagined marrying the one I met on my travels (even thought we arent together) and sometimes I dont see my current gf and me getting married even though we have great relationship. Also I am getting sick of living where I live and want to move. I recently asked my current gf for a break because my confidence was down. Coincidentally I was also visiting the same country I met the first gf. I met her and although I didnt say anything I would have engaged in intercourse with her. But I decided not to, because I had gf whom I had to respect, even if we were on a break. Anyways, she got back with the England guy (who made her delete all her foreign male friends from social media. I mean how pathetic is that? He must be so insecure) Regardless of that we have been in contact, but dont exchange texts frequently only once in awhile. Her and I were technically together for 5 months and only saw each for 4 days of our lives. Now 5. But why do I still think about her? I forget about her and then 2 months or 1 month later she pops up in my head. Is it because I think my relationship with her was more adventurous because of the trip and my relationship at home seems dull because it represents repetitiveness and stableness? Is it because I didnt sexually satisty myself with her, for instance, like I feel that our time was cut short for the relationship to expand? I dont know but some feelings are starting to come back. I should have gotten over her already but now I am a much more emotional person and I feel I cant get over certain things. I also felt I was over her a month ago when I told her everything off my chest. I felt like after that it was over, I could continue living my life. But I mentioned to her that I was traveling to that country and told her that I might not want to see her because it might not be healthy for me. I thought it would be fine. But the repurcussions have started. By the way, I might seem like a jerk, but I also wanted to take a break from my current gf because I wanted to get over the first gf. My logic was that if I had the same experience with another person, then I would forget about this ex, who represents adventure (in my mind). What can I do, should I just disconnect from this person? In the past, I did this once, with someone I cared for very much and although it hurt, very much, it worked. I think this may be the best alternative, what do you guys think?