April 6, 2017 at 12:13 pm #143967
Last week my boyfriend of four years broke up with me.
He decided that he didn’t have time/dedication for an intimate relationship anymore and that he needs to focus on his business/career path – which I understand. It’s been almost a week and I am absolutely heart broken. He always brought out the best in me and taught me so much. He’s always been supportive, always put me first and always encouraged me to be a better person.
We plan on staying good friends but right now we’re giving each other space. I deleted him from my phone/socials and I just feel so empty. Every day I feel so much pain and it’s so hard to focus.
I’d do anything to get him back. If any of you have any great reads, advice or would like to share your story, that would be greatly appreciated. I miss him every day.April 7, 2017 at 4:35 am #144025InkyParticipant
It sounds like you’re doing everything right with deleting him from your phone and social media as well as wisely giving him space. Yes, give him a chance to miss you! The worst thing people can do after an unwanted breakup is contact the person. That often solidifies their decision, the opposite effect of what they want!
I predict (this happened to me) he will contact you. It may be in a few weeks or months (to see how you “are”). Or years later when they’re not so busy with their business/career (when they realize that without someone by their side what was even the point?).
And when he contacts you again (I said “when” not “if”. He will! I promise!) don’t be so quick to answer him back. Give it few days. And hopefully by then you can truthfully tell him “I’ve met someone”.
InkyApril 7, 2017 at 6:26 am #144027
Thank you. That was very encouraging. Though, weeks and months seem so far away. I can barely get through the week!
But I know you’re right. Time does heal and I guess I can only take it one day at a time. Am I crazy for giving myself hope that we could possibly get back together one day? I have regrets on missing out on some great opportunities in the past and I don’t want to regret letting him go. Maybe I’m a die hard romantic.April 7, 2017 at 7:20 am #144033anitaParticipant
You wrote: “He always brought out the best in me and taught me so much. He’s always been supportive, always put me first and always encouraged me to be a better person.”-
If this is what he has done for much of the four years, that took a lot of his time and dedication, and therefore it makes sense why he decided that he “needs to focus (his time and dedication) on his business/ career path”-
Reads to me that he is a good man who has been very loving, very generous with you. If there was a way- in the context of a relationship with you- for him to receive more, so that it is more of a Win for him (as well as for you, as in a Win-Win relationship), then maybe he would have stayed in it…?
anitaApril 8, 2017 at 6:35 am #144173InkyParticipant
You are not crazy. He may, in fact, return. But this is The Formula: He is most likely to return when you are least likely to have him back. So delve fully and totally into your own life.
Mine came back (or emerged) after I was married with three children. I was all: “Dude…” *thumb and forefinger between eyes*
InkyApril 8, 2017 at 10:43 am #144197woodyParticipant
Hello Drea, well I am in australia and had to sign up to answer you. It is 0321 in the am…. I have awoken from a dream where I was with my ex on a mountain hill surrounded by trees and a crack boom and trees started to come down, one here one there, One ended up coming down on a mountain type retreat house. Felt instantly alone, sad, she is not here to touch….no one is.
It has been less than a month since she told me of another and two weeks since I moved out and am sitting on my bed in a room in a strangers house after having just found this site and your message. I have read much Buddhist and comparative religion etc from the time of splitting.
In fact when told and the subsequent splitting up moving and now financial work through I have stayed calm and emotionally removed as I could be. Totally accepting that all things move and change. I would not get back with her if that was possible…and believe me there is pain I am no spock….but acceptance and the pity/disbelief I have is mindful empathy and a love towards her….not for her.
As I said…I woke missing her so this is my mind working through things. Thursday just past dreams was two dreams waking up from where I was scrambling up muddy banks.
Belive me she has moved on and in quick time….I was not an asshole in this 6 year relationship and was blindsided. In fact we have a 3 day cruise with her daughter and son inend april – easter that I am still going on….how do I do that ……
Guess I have stumbled onto something bigger than both of us!!!!!!
But Drea it is hard – or why would I be awake writing this.
Much love and start to read the many great texts out there….I do suggest the book Buddhism for breakups by Meshel Laurie…a great aussie comic who writes this really helpful and relevant guide …..
Much love and best wishes on OUR shared journey in life.April 10, 2017 at 6:19 am #144367
@anita – perhaps.
@Inky – Wow, you are such a strong soul. I really admired you sharing that with me. I guess everything will fall into place.
@Woody – Thank you for sharing that with me. You are very strong and courageous being able to continue with the trip you planned! That shows a lot about your character. I believe everything happens for a reason and all I can do is reflect on myself and keep growing as my own person. Maybe one day he’ll give me a second chance.. who knows. But it’s nice knowing I’m not alone.April 11, 2017 at 4:10 am #144519neversayneverParticipant
I am not really a supporter of begging a partner to be a relationship or trying to get a partner to stay who wants to leave. If you do, you might regret it. If he wants to walk away let him do. Most time we dont know what we have until it is gone.
Be calm… just be calm. Engage your mind. If i may ask what was real reason for the break up. The reason you stated is too light for a four years relationshipApril 13, 2017 at 6:54 pm #144963MerriegoldParticipant
It is really hard to forget someone that you love dearly. My suggestions, go out with friends or family , go to church and pray to get through with this situation, or you can go to gym make yourself physically fit and be happy with his achievements. Always look on the positive side of your life and always have a goal to overcome this situation. Good luck!!April 17, 2017 at 4:55 am #145413AnyoneParticipant
You won’t do anything to get him back, or even think about such a thing because you love yourself more than anything in this world and you value the life we have been gifted by God!